Škoda
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Škoda is a major car production facility located in the Czech Republic. Ever since its establishment as a state-owned company in Austro-Hungary, it is a major exporter of sport cars to the USA and Great Britain, rivalling only Proton and Hyundai in the super-car stakes. In fact, the word Škoda means "damage, detriment, disadvantage" - that shows best the quality of these cars.
It´s also theorized that the word "Skoda" derives from the word "Escoba", which means "Broom" in Spanish, thus implying the only real use of the car.
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[edit] History
Škoda was founded in 1935 by an angry man in a beard. Their first car, the Škoda Škogood, was an instant success, selling 65,000,000 units in the first year of production alone. Sadly, their next car, the Škoda Canary, made a full 50 years later, was not very popular. Škoda only managed to sell three complete cars - and seventy-thousand replacement headlamps. Times were grim.
Enter Mr. Grimm. An English businessman with a hole burning in his wallet (due to an ill-placed lighter), Mr. Grimm attempted to turn the company around by turning them into sports car specialists. Sadly, after the breakdown of socialism in 1991, Škoda suffered great losses. This was partially due to Mr. Grimm and his associates sending the left-sided steering cars to the United Kingdom and the right-sided steering cars to the United States, while also sending the centre-sided steering cars to the scrap heap.
In an attempt to boost their flagging fortunes, Škoda attempted to bribe well known British and American talk-show hosts and snooker players into driving their cars for free. Unfortunately, after an unfortunate incident involving Steve Davis, his snooker cue and an 18-wheeler juggernaut, in which Davis managed somehow to walk free uninjured, Škoda's latest car (the Škoda MāЙŧłəρĩĕÇΣ) only sold seven models, and six of those were to Chris Evans.
The company has never really recovered, although each year there is a London to Brighton rally especially for ancient Škodas. The record time for the trip is approximately seven weeks.
[edit] The Škoda in popular culture
The introduction of the Škoda to Britain soon caught the imagination of the island kingdom's promiscuous population. To this day a woman who trembles and spasms uncontrollably in the throes of ecstasy is said to be "shaking like a Škoda crossing a cattle grid".
[edit] Models of Škoda
- Škoda Škogood
- Škoda Canary
- Škoda Turkey
- Škoda Ostrich
- Škoda Yoda
- Škoda Henlein
- Škoda Mantlepiece
- Fiat Multipla
- Škoda Moustache
- Škoda ICBM
- Cream Škoda
- Grape Škoda
- Orange Škoda
- Lemon-lime Škoda
- Baking Škoda
- Diet Škoda
- BM-21 "Škoda"
- Škoda BAZ-Truck
- all-new Škoda Doomster
[edit] What's with that funny accent thing over the S?
In Czech, the letter Š is pronounced Škoda. Hence, the name of the car should actually be pronounced Škodakoda. However, due to the accent that still remains over the Š, that should actually be Škodakodakoda. And that should be Škodakodakodakoda. And so on and so forth. Market analyists theorise that Škodakodakodakodakoda's problems all boil down to this, as in the time it takes for someone to pronounce the whole name of the company, they've released three new car models and have moved on to making plastic wheelbarrows.
[edit] Jokes about Škodas
- What's brown and sticky?
- A Škoda covered in mud.
- You see the ads that say 'What's behind the new Škoda?'
- It's not really Volkswagen, it's 'People pushing it'!
- How do you reduce the wait for delivery of your new Skoda ?
- Bring back political crime in the Czech Republic
- How do you tell if your Skoda is made by convicts or ordinary workers ?
- The car assembled by convicts has nothing missing
- Once it leaves the factory it runs and runs and runs ...
- How do you double the value of a Skoda ?
- Fill up the gas tank.
- What do you call a Skoda going uphill?
- Ambitious
Most or all of the Lada jokes have been happily recycled by proud Škoda owners, while the abolition of Communist-style slave labour and the involvement of Volkswagen have been the source of new jokes.
- Volkswagen wanted to improve the quality of Skoda cars, so they take the Skoda workers to the Volkswagen plant. The Skoda workers notice that there a big cage with cats inside it. "What's that for?", they ask. "It's for testing the door seals of new cars. In the evening we put a cat into a car, and if the cat runs out of oxygen, we know that the seal is good."
- One month later, Volkswagen's boss goes to the Skoda plant to see if the quality has improved. Everything seems to be the same as before, but there is a big cage with cat inside it. "What is that?", they ask. "It's for testing new cars. In the evening we put a cat into a car, and when the cat is inside in the morning, we know that the car is good."
