0 (number)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

“Zero is my hero. What would we have without zero? That's right: something. Absolutely something.”

~ Schoolhouse Rock on 0

“Zero is a dangerous idea.”

~ Charles Seife

“Zeros are round.”

~ Captain Obvious

“Zero is nothing.So why is it called something?”

~ Math Teacher

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about 0 (number).

Nestled snugly amid the infinitely smallest and largest positive and negative fractions respectively, 0 sleeps, ears tuned to the two continuities of the numberline stretching off into forever. One day however its prince will come, arriving on a great white horse and sweeping it off its perfectly rounded base to place a huge, dribbling kiss upon the edge of its elliptical rim. When this happens 0 will awaken, transforming in an instant into the long-forgotten number Uj, the very shape of which will drive men mad even from imagining it. Women, on the other hand, and men after the great Transconfiguration, Orgasm. 0 is a conspiracy. Flee! I said, flee dammit! The uppercase form of 0 is ).

1 Events
2 Confusion
3 New Discovery
4 See also

[edit] Events

0 is most notable as the year in which Jesus was born. Or died, or something. It is unknown, however, which Jesus. 0 is known as the Nonexistent Year, which led the majority of people to believe that all Jesi were eternal, having never been born or died.

0 is also the population of Greenland.

0 also is your IQ level right now.

[edit] Confusion

0 should not be confused with zero, which is in fact its lover at the Uj orgy. 0 should also not be confused with ohhh, which is a noise made by women during sex.

All those who insist that 0 is not a number are not true mathematicians and shall surely perish. Also, they are involved in the conspiracy of secret societies working together to destroy math as we know it.

Division by 0 results in the letter E, extensive research on this subject is still in progress.

Subtraction of 1 from 0 results in -0.

[edit] New Discovery

Division by 0 is forbidden for safety reasons (See Infinity Bomb). Dividing 5 by zero, for example, represents a distribution of 5 apples among zero people. Now you have to ask yourself: The five apples are distributed among nobody; therefore, the nobody gets more than all the apples because all the apples would go to one person if there were one. But we don't distribute them to one person, but among zero people, such that the nobody gets more than all the apples, leading to infinite apples. This would allow you take these apples and distribute them among all poor people in the world. The world's food problems could be solved. To protect the fruit producers, however, this method and with it division by zero in general was forbidden.