12th of July

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A national holiday in Northern Ireland. It celebrates Ireland's independence from the Royal British Empire in and the defeat of Charles Barkley's army. These events, and the brutal slaying of Crispus Attucks (On that terrible day dubbed the 'Dublin Massacre') inspired George Washington to lead his great March on Spain. This all happened on July 12th, 1775.

[edit] Details of the Battle

Saint Patrick formed an underground organization, or "The Underground Railroad." Later in his life, the Saint would sue Harriet Tubman and a popular fast-food chain for copyright infringement. The case was overturned, however, as copyrights hadn't been invented until August 1775. The British had just built their greatest achievement of many thousands of years, the moosebrick fortress. This brand new brick technology seemed inpenetrable to the British, who had never seen Meese before and had no idea of their deliciousness. Saint Patrick knew however how delicious meese were, and instructed the Irish to eat the fortress.

When a large enough hole was put into the fortress, the Irish rushed upon the British Army and slaughtered everyone in the moosebrick fortress. Upon hearing this, Charles Barkley dropped his army into the fortress to attack the Irish. He then left, not realizing until 1994 that his army was killed upon impact after being dropped from the plane.

[edit] recent history

Although most years the celebrations pass peacefully there have been a rise of animal rights activists protesting against the uses of actual ducks in the 12th of july duck fuck, this culminated last year in a pre-emptive stirke to free all captive ducks, however their plan backfired and the ducks congregated in the middle of belfast where the duck fuck competition was being held, 357 1/2 ducks died that day, but on the bright side Billy Duncan came out as the best duck fucker in norn iron with a record 98 ducks fucked.

[edit] Traditional activities

• Marching*

• Racial and sexual exclusion*

• Drinking*

• Eating potatoes*

• Celebrating St. Patrick*

• Hating the English*

A * denotes something the Irish do on a regular basis anyway.