1977

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This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.

Represented here are the time periods from 1977AD to 1989AD.



This is an article pertaining to time, if you are interested in something else, too bad.

Contents

[edit] 1977

1977 was the year of the funk revolution, when men were men, and women were also men.

  • 1977 is Your Dads best and most favourite year.
  • A youngman wearing a pair of pants with a bumpy square pattern dances so much he heats his pants to 350 degrees and falls on pancake batter creating the waffle iron.
  • The 28th Ice-age ends.
  • We give a fine Farewell to Kings!
  • Soon,3 musicians crossed the river Alph,scaled the frozen mountain of eastern lands unknown,searching for the lost Xanadu,

which was held within the pleasure dome,decreed by Kublai Khan,they find the lost Xanadu,they break their fast on honeydew,and drink the milk of paradise.

  • The entire world,for 2 minutes and 52 seconds were at once Closer to the Heart.
  • The city of San Francisco witnessed the closing down of several gerbil stores on Castro Street. This was brought on by overuse of gerbils and was known as the Great San Francisco Gerbil Shortage of 1977.
  • Many people can fondly remember George Clinton, brother of Bill Clinton, telling the Queen to never mind her bollocks, then running around Westminster whilst shouting "Gabba Gabba Hey!".
  • The unsuccessful "Bring Back 1974" campaign is founded, quickly fading into obscurity as many people believe it to be mad.
  • Sir Nose D'Voidoffunk defeated by Lollipop Man, Starchild, George Clinton and Bootsy Collins(For a further descussion, see Beat).
  • The Prince of Wales is finally circumcised, concluding an operation that had been ongoing since 1972.
  • Snooker is declared illegal. Late-night street-snooker becomes the new craze. Thousands are arrested.
  • Bacon flavoured ice cream goes on sale for the first and last time.
  • Elvis is assassinated AGAIN!
  • The Memphis, King of Yodel, Roy Orbison passes away during his wife's dream.
  • The State Of Insanity was Entered into the US, Many considered Giving up New Jersey to keep it an even 50.
  • Frank Zappa's guitar kills your mama.
  • Bath salts and scented candles are given as a gift for the first time. The recipient later beats the giver to death with a Wooden Spoon.
  • The 50th anniversary of the Fucking Greatest Year Ever was held rather uneventfully in an abandoned 10 gallon aquarium on the side of I-95.
  • To power his Uncyclopedia, Oscar Wilde harnesses the unlimited energy of either a Cat-Toast Device or a Stormtroopers vs. Red Shirts Device.
  • ~ beat out Rolling O in the Alphalympic Grand Prix causing the Tungsten Trophy to have to be unbolted from the Team Vowel Trophy case and moved down under to New Tildaland
  • The Web2.0 was discovered under a smelly sock in Walter Kronkites kitchen. It was such a stuborn stain that Ajax was invented to remove it.
  • Charlie Chaplin dies, and moves to Switzerland
  • GOP party is so wild the cops bust it wide open!
  • Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is released in American cinemas, with French viewings following the next day.
  • Star Wars is released in theaters and much to the annoyance of timetraveling superfans from the future the movie is not presented in ultra-widescreen HD.

[edit] 1978

This was easily the worst year in history, according to Steve Ballmer. He didn't get to fucking kill anyone.

  • The Death Star gets destroyed by Luke Skywalker in the battle of Yavin IV but due to a wormhole the explosion is witnessed a year earlier.
  • Dapkus is born.
  • For some reason, Newt Grewnich appears on 72 major Taiwanese news stations, and speaks about toast.
  • Scientists from twelve of the world's leading nations come together to create 1979. This event is later dramatized in F. Nijett's controversial film 1979: The Movie.
Edgar Allen Poe
Edgar Allen Poe
  • January 7th - Black Karl Marx is born with no penis.
  • January 23rd - Albert Einstein's clone was created. He is currently playing for the Montreal Canadiens.
  • March 8th - The greatest Man to Ever Live was born on this day!
  • August All-Day - Trees all around the world fight for sunlight!And the god of Balance is named "Cygnus,the God of Balance".People continure to be tricked my Circumstances,and Alex Lifeson still has nightmares about La Villa Strangiato.
  • June 1st - After a beer-party with Bordeaux does the government of Sweden declain the Workers Marseillaise as Royal Anthem.
  • June 23d - Geoffrey 'L' is born on this day in Hartford, Connectthedots, (no relation to Geoffrey the Giraffe) although his mother Maya the Bee dies during childbirth due to laws of physics.
  • July 5th - First test-tube baby born in Memphis, TN (postponed from original scheduled birthdate due to fireworks).
  • July 7/8/9th- Dutch footballing master Edgar Davids is born. "Literally shot out the muff" according to one witness who was too overweight to give any more details on the incident.
  • July 21st - the British terrestrial television channel BBC2 is destroyed when an out-of-control dinghy collides with the main transmission mast in Isengard, Norfolk.
  • August 29th - Bill Nye the Science Guy's TV show begins its time machine induced 88 year run.
  • November 5th - Nick Frame is born, and the country of Funk is created.
  • November 7th - Shwellington, a small sub-state of Funk, is created after the wreckage of a mysterious transmission mast is thrown aside.
  • November 10th- Shwellington's three-day-old birthday party generates a small black hole that transports all of Shwellington and Funk to the universe of Whatever the Fuck is Going On In Carrot Top's Head. Project Solomon begins.
  • November 15th - Also the year I was born, on this day.
  • Cocktail Weiners in vogue.
  • December 8th - Grandma Joyce meets Grandad
  • December 15th - Steven Ronaldo was killed.
  • December 23th - the first fart was invented but was misinterpreted as a small elephant being traped inside the man. They proceded to search for the elephant and hence the first prostate check was also invented
  • December 25th - Soviet armed forces invade Afghanistan. British communist Comrade Neil Clark sees it as a great opportunity for the country to industrialize.
  • December 27th- Something....dull.
  • December 30th- Partly sunny, expected showers in the evening.

[edit] 1979

Tom Cruise ate a Bean Burrito on September 4th, 1979.
Tom Cruise ate a Bean Burrito on September 4th, 1979.

This year..It is a very lovely year.

  • January 22, 1979 baby jesus was reborn, immediately adopted by cult fanatics in Montana.
  • My PIN number
  • President Jimmy Carter signs the King Gillette Act, outlawing all sideburns by December 31, 1980 and banning moustaches among heterosexuals and non-law-enforcement personnel by 1988. Violent White House lawn protests are led by Isaac Asimov, Geraldo Rivera and Della Reese.
  • The pope released two albums while on a cocaine binge.
  • Alex Trebek launched an attack on Mordor.

“The Question is.... "Do I give a damn?" .... ”

~ Alex Trebek on Lord of the Rings
  • The final battle between Heaven and Hell begins. It is a fairly short battle but it comes with great casualties from both sides.
  • Pac-Man and Namco launched the popular Pac-Man arcade game, causing severe psychological damage to millions of teens.
  • Harrison Ford invents the transportation device called the Ford Pinto which would later be used by rival Christian sects the Stoners and Alcoholics as a religious ritual becoming known as The Cruise.
  • Chinese investors try to revive the Vietnam Adventure! theme park. The attempt fails miserably.
  • On September 4th Tom Cruise ate a Bean Burrito. It damn near killed him, but it didn't. Or as least as far as we can tell...
  • Dschinghis Khan is founded.
  • On January 16th I was born. Fact.
  • 1979 was shaken down by particularly violent pumpkins. Charges were not Pressed.
  • Kimi Räikkönen signs his first contract with Ferrari.
  • Bingo the constipated donkey hailed by many as the second coming of Harry The Hamster
  • Bingo the constipated donkey murdered in battle to the death by Harry The Hamster's GHOSTLY FORM.YES.
  • The final battle between Heaven and Hell Reaches it's climax as the forces of Hell and the forces of Heaven amass on the fields of Pellennor to wage a final battle. Hell is aided by the Mumakill and the forces of Isengard in this final battle. In the end Heaven wins and in turn Satan has to pay God's rent and has to be a gorillas sex slave for eternity.
  • Fleetwood Mac's twelfth studio album (thirteenth overall) "Tusk" is released. It outsells all of their previous records, making Peter Green, Jeremy Spencer, Danny Kirwin, Bob Welch, Dave Walker, Bob Brunning, and Bob Weston go "WTF??? THIS ALBUM OUTSOLD ALL OF OUR PREVIOUS ALBUMS, THE BEST ALBUMS EVER BECAUSE THEY HAVE ME ON THEM???? WTF IS THIS SHIT?? FUCK!" The aforementioned seven men are now the mortal enemies of Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham. They engage in cool anime-like battles every year with Stevie Nicks joining in an orgy with them, Lindsey getting his ass kicked, and the villains parting with "we will meet again, my friends" when Mick Fleetwood, John McVie, and Christine McVie come to their rescue and thwart the evil plot of The Seven Macmen, which is to obliterate Nicks and Buckingham. After that, Buckingham fucked Nicks, even though their relationship was strained and they kept writing songs about how much they hated each other...or something.

[edit] 1980

The year of the Centaur.

Location
1980 can be found by taking a left turn at 1955 and heading straight through time for 25 years. In later versions, 1980 is available only through the use cheatcodes. Right Left Down Up A B Start!

1980 was a spectacular year.

  • "The Good Old Days" officially ended.
  • Ronald Reagan was elected President and promptly forgot he ever ran.
  • Oscar Wilde comes out as gay.
  • The Blues Brothers release the landmark rap album, Your mom.
  • Darth Vader's paternity suit was finally settled when it was agreed that he fathered George Lucas.
  • Margaret Thatcher ate a three-pound wheel of brie
  • The second coming of Jesus. Archaeologists discover a tomb outside of Jeruesalem and discover the names of Jesus, Joseph, Mary and Jesus' son Judah. Inside they discover a wonderful and shocking discovery. Within the tomb is none other then Metal Jesus himself, alive and well.
  • The exhumed remains of Mahatma Gandhi made their Broadway debut in The Peaceful Protester of Calcutta.
  • Return of the Killer Tomatoes is published for the first time, and overnight becomes a bestseller.
  • John Lennon was assassinated by Satan himself. When tried, Satan claimed "Hey, I can't let peace happen. I'm sorry, it's in my contract, and he was an atheist."
  • Soon after, The Beatles promptly resume recording with a John Lennon look-alike, Jon Lenon; they still claim that he had never died. They did admit to Paul's death, though. He had been killed by Pete Best, and they said they just found out that Pete had skined Paul and wore his skin as a suit. Pretty gross.
  • The members of the Miracle on Ice decided that being famous is gay, and let the commies win.
  • Other than this, it appears that 1980 has little to do with the rest of history. As the oldest kid in the 198- family, it suffers from a superiority complex, has a deep fear of letting its younger siblings down, and starred in a gay porn.
  • Mount Rainier blew up on June 18, 1980, Destroying many tree's and people who were stupid enough to explore a soon to explode volcano.
  • Heather didnt call at six pm, like she said she would. It was 6.03. 44 seconds! It will never happen again as long as we all live!

Fun Facts!

  1. 1980 was invented by Al Gore.
  2. 1980 started off the decade of the 80's.
  3. 1980 the year that invisible airwaves crackled with life,and bright antenne bristled with energy.
  4. 1980 is 28 years behind us, and therefore, irrelevant to any of our important lives.
  5. 1980 is the year that people finaly realized Freewill,thanks to 3 Canadians.
  6. 1980 marked a dramatic upswing in the music industry.
  7. 1980 marked the birth of several historic people, none of whom you will ever need to know about and/or meet.
  8. World War II ended on September 25th, 1980 when at the urgent request of his friends Franklin Roosevelt and Winston Churchill, Adolph Hitler saw a therapist and accepted the fact that he was a genocidal fuckhead due to his father never paying enough attention to him.
  9. 1980 is made of delicious candy and can fly.
  10. 1980 is actually 1977
  11. 1980 is the year that Glen Stefani changed her/his name to Gwen, even though his/her sex change operation was in 1799!
  12. 1980 is the year in which Legendary Dude died and was succeeded by Captain America.
  13. On September 4th, 1980, John Denver hit the snooze button on his clock radio.
  14. 1980 is the year PS3 development started

[edit] 1981

Due to its unpopularity, the year 1981 has been officially expunged from history. Furthermore, due to not having happened at all, and unlike 1930, it did not happen in 1927.

Before 1981 no longer existed

In 1994, shortly after the Great Child Burning of 1993, scientists meeting in London (Canada) decided that, because 1981 was so bad, it should be permanently deleted from history. Among the many things which happened in 1981 (which, now that 1981 does not exist, never happened, therefore making 1981's deletion unnecessay):

  • Shlomo Bolfen, the most famous Israeli pop singer that has ever existed, and who influenced music beyond the capabilities of any human being, releases his debut album "Songs from Shlomo".
  • Many people lost their lives due to this years deletion as they had to be silenced to stop the year from going on. The goverment blamed this on the aliens and accidently started the first interplanetary war with the space blamonge, a race of jelly like aliens from the planet cake.
  • Tom Sawyer was re-incarnated and he bought a Red Barchetta,soon he created the letters YYZ,together in the same sentence.And some mixed jamboure of other things happened,like witch hunts and stuff,sadly people have yet to separate themselves from the norm.
  • The United Empire of Ants began their "100 Day March" on Washington, D.C., demanding equal protection and pay. However, after the assassination of their great leader, Andrew N. Tenents, the "Micro Revolution" quickly fell apart. To this day, ants are still not given the equal rights which were never promised to them. In recent years many other insects have gained rights but the ants have always been trodden on as a result of their noble struggle. As a result of this year's deletion, the march was rescheduled for 1994.
  • MTV premiered. This, many consider, is one of the main reasons for the year's deletion from history.
  • The Welsh Pillage generic middle class English market towns.
  • 80's pop music began to become popular. Many consider this as the beginning of the decline of good music and the rise of what is now known as "total crap". Good music made a comeback as a result of the year's deletion and many 80's pop groups never formed as a result. Also, many 80's pop singers were killed to keep the year from happening.
  • Spandex pants. Need more be said?
  • Cuddly teapots
  • Han solo is frozen in carbonite and Luke finds out Darth Vader is his father but due to him screeming noooo at a wormhole the fact it is true is witnessed a year earlier.

It should be emphasised that though these events did occur, as they led to the deletion of the year 1981, and because 1981 was deleted from history, these events never occured.

[edit] 1982

A year in the early 1980s, notable for the fact that absolutely nothing memorable happened in it except that MZL was born. And isn't that sort of memorable in it's way? The answer, sadly, is no. Perhaps more importantly, John Coltrane's son, Manfred invents the umbrella. Oscar Wilde took a really long dump.

  • The cake lied in you're mother was born in puddle-Germany
  • Lots of things involving Cecil occur.
  • Count Takeshi leads his army into war againts the Japanese army, which will last just 4 months. Takeshi's army won, re-naming the then Captial City, SushiTrain, to Takeshi's Castle.
  • Uncle Rico is left out of the fourth quarter, and his team loses the game. He keeps on saying "If coach had put me in that last quarter, we'd have gone to state. There's no doubt in my mind."
  • It is said to be common knowledge among time-travel enthusiasts (who have rather conveniently and suspiciously never been seen) that stopping in 1982 in Killearn, a small commuter village 15 miles north of Glasgow, is actually The Worst Rest-Break possible, as though nothing memorable happened anywhere else, nothing AT ALL happened in Killearn, not even a hiccup. Many choose to continue to time-travel to a more interesting year before stopping to have coffee and a short stroll, which has led to the edges of 1982, December and January, becoming blackspots for time-machine collisions as the travellers grow drowsier. It has recently been proposed that a time bypass be erected over the year, and this is currently being debated in the House of Lords as some have proposed that the bypass be extended to avoid 1983 as well, which would mean nobody'd have to hear anything more about the SDP.
  • MCMLXXXII is the alias for 1982.
  • Margerat Thatcher disappears in in Whitehall only to be resucused by the Francsican Nuns and a shylock a couple weeks later.
  • President Ronald Reagan defeats Sec'y of State Alexander Haig in a best-of-seven all-night Space Invaders marathon. Haig appeals in vain, citing excessive amounts of pizza grease on the joystick during his turns, but then humbly resigns.
  • The British begin the conquest for the oil and spoon rich state of Falklands which are owned by a detective Colombo.
  • United Nations pass a resolution demanding the Afghanistan unmount from Soviet soilders in Afghanistan.
  • Stanford Moore the inventor of Pepper deodrant dies.
  • Rutherford B. Hayes' samba band Oingo Boingo shortly ruled the United Kingdom because Queen Elizabeth II had a hangover for two weeks.
  • The ROFLcopter was first used by the United States to bomb Cardiff, Wales during the American-Welsh War of 1982.
  • Bereaved Roy Orbison fans start dressing up and holding vigil outside his Memphis mansion
  • Props went out.
  • Finaly Tom Sawyer left the Subdivisions.
  • Your dad looks exactly like Jim Croce.
  • Nov 2: A new television station borns in the UK: Channel 4.
  • Queen Elizabeth invented the cannon, then stole Joseph Stalin's time machine. She used it to give cannons to the Romans. However, the cannons melted during time travel, almost ruining them.
  • God decides to send Elisha Cuthbert to Earth; she is born in Canada. Years later she is killed, much to her satisfaction, by me. Millions of nerds celebrate with a mass hijacking.
  • Harrison Ford systematically murders the entire British Royal Family, after it is believed that they were secretly replicants. As a result of his actions, Ford is honoured by the British government and personally thanked by Margaret Thatcher - who had been meaning to dispose of the Royal Family for several years.
Fun Facts
  • Very few people realize that California was rediscovered in 1982. Even fewer, care, and yet more, kill themselves because of it.

[edit] 1983

A sequel to George Orwell's not-so-famous book, 1982. It is also a year. Although this year was never forseen by fortunetellers, it still appeared early in January and 1984 was postponed to the next year.

Dr. Benatar's original report.
Dr. Benatar's original report.
  • March 13th - Nothing that isn't unimportant didn't fail to not happen, despite the circumstances.
  • 21st September - Chuck Jones is born and immediately takes to watching CBeebies re-runs.
  • 25th September - Bugs Bunny first rabbit to climb Everest.
  • 29th September - Michael Stipe releases positive energy on national TV, alleviating the United States oil addition. Later, when diagnosed with AIDS, Stipe called on then-president Herbert "Raining Men" Hoover to invade Eritria.
  • Ronald Reagan, after having lunch with George Lucas, decides to forge a peace treaty with Wikipedia in order to use their weapons against the Curmudgeons
  • The greatest band in the world, The Melvins, was formed by Buzz Osborne.
  • Mr. T kicks ass in D.C. Cab
  • Admiral Donald Duck exterminates the town of Centerville
  • Madonna was born to the lead singer of the Bangles.
  • My favorite TV show airs for the first time
  • The year before 1984.
  • You're dog looses in 1977

[edit] 1983 c.e.

In late November 1982 c.e., Pope John Paul II--accepted leader and CEO of the holy roman catholic congolmerate--was informed by the chief engineer of the R&D department that the Gregorian calendar we had all been using for almost 4 decades, was utterly and compeltely de-funked and in doing so, fucked a goat. Not only that, but it was defunct. According to their calculations, the growing BMI of the american populus had resulted in a slow decay in the Earth's rotational speed. 365 and a quarter complete roations of the earth had become more than enough to circle our fat asses around the sun. As a result, we had gotten further ahead in history than we realized. With his knewly invented knowledgePope JP2 set to work forgin a new calendar. This turned out to be harder than he expected, so he decided instead that every so often, the date would just need to be changed. We call this a leap day and it happens every 4 years when the leader of the HRCC blows white smoke up the papal chimney (I thank you) and we all set our clocks ahead. Of course, noone but the Pope and Burt Reynolds knew anything about this yet, so in early October of the same year, Pope JP2 (and of course, Burt Reynolds), unvailed to the anxiously awaiting share holders, the very second ever papally-induced temporal hickup. Killer Tomatoes Strike Back aired on TV during this time, but nobody took any notice. To compensate for the rapidly decaying accuracy of the old calendar which had so arrognatly been ignored for so many years, the first leap day was a big one, and lasted 412. Yup, we skipped right over 1983. That's why you never meet anyone born in 1983. The year never happened.

[edit] 1984

MINITRUE APPROVED

Minitrue mark article doubleplusgoodthink. Miniluv make goodthink fullwise.

Iowa Governor and John Goodman-lookalike Tom Vilsack campaigns for the INGSOC Party presidential primary nomination under the slogan, "Let's Enslave America Together".
Iowa Governor and John Goodman-lookalike Tom Vilsack campaigns for the INGSOC Party presidential primary nomination under the slogan, "Let's Enslave America Together".
1984 INGSOC National Convention
1984 INGSOC National Convention
1984 was the year that Big Toaster came into power.
1984 was the year that Big Toaster came into power.
  • Metal Jesus forms the thrash/power metal band Enthroned Insanity out of the San Francisco bay area. The band would soon become one of the most influential metal bands of all time.
  • The Green Lightbulb was invented by a doubleplusgood junior scientist not doing any work.
  • Grace went under much pressure.
  • Jack Spratt catches The Gingerbread Man.
  • Doubleplusgoodthinker George Orwell wrote a classic book all about Roger Lodge's 11th year, titled "The Blindest Dentist." Talk about 0\/\/|\|1NG
  • College professor Jim Wubbins, after months of intensive research, came up with his controversial theory of global boring. The theory was largely rejected at the time.
  • Big Brother had the Thought Police install spy cameras in your moms room, making them doubleplusungood sexcrime offenders. Req. bec. unpersons ASAP.
  • The 1984 U.S. Presidential election featured the incumbent mannequin of President Ronald Reagan, who beat Olympic hero Mary Lou Retton and Max Headroom in a hotly-contested primary. In the general election, Reagan was seen as vulnerable to Democratic challenger Tom Bailey (lead singer of the Thompson Twins), but Bailey was ruled ineligible as he wasn't a US citizen. The replacement, Walter Mondale, was polling strongly until his campaign made an ill-advised stop in Bhopal, India, where Mondale was overcome by poisoned gas (ironically, a larger gas explosion in Bhopal later that year killed enough Indians that it actually made the news here). After all was said and done, Reagan won every state except Minnesota, as well as Canada, Suriname, New Zealand and the Crab Nebula. Mondale's stuffed body still can be seen at the St. Paul, MN, public library.
  • 11.6.84 times mondale unperson miscount win minnesota rectify thinkpol
  • 1984 was the rise of the nations of Oceania, Eurasia, and Eastasia. This marked the beginning of a marvelous, and utopian society, free from capitalists and top hats. Unfortunately, some people such as Winston Churchill, didn't follow the wonderful ideals of the Party, and had to be turned in to the Thought Police.
  • George Orwell writes 1948, a political thriller involving policemen who travel around on bluebottles, and discover who you want to shove, and then pu them in rat tanks.
  • Mathematicians "work out" that math.
  • The popular T.V. show, WAR IS PEACE, came on the air.
  • J.K.R.R. came out with his novel, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY.
  • People started using brain-washing techniques, such as IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.
  • Incidently, "IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH" was the name of Richard Simmon's best selling workout video. It was released only in Beta format, because VHS is facist.
  • US Vice President George H. W. Bush visits Eastasia's "Carlyle Group" to discuss investments. Negotiations break down, and Eastasia is branded as part of the "axis of evil". We were always at war with Eastasia.
  • Belgian Scientists develop the Awesomicity scale.
  • The Autobots and Decepticons were awakened.
  • 1984 is when Big Brother was entitled to watching.
  • Big Brother then creates the first robot with 100% interchangeable parts: O'Brian. Sadly, this robot was infected with a particular virus that made it desire only love, not war. Dr. Brother called the entire project off to go sulk in his room.
  • Gold "pimpin" stien was not only know to his clients.
  • Newspeak becomes the official language of the United States, as a tributr to its creator, George W. Bush
  • Criminals are sent to Room 101 for immediate, effective treatment and punishment.
  • Leonard Bernstein dies a second time.
  • Konstantin Chernenko emerges as the new leader of the Soviet Union. British communist Comrade Neil Clark sees him as the best leader the country has had since Joseph Stalin came to prominence over fifty years earlier.
  • Conan O'Brien enslaves all of humanity.
  • In an unrelated story,the Emepror dies, Vader saves Luke and the second Death Star blows up but due to a wormhole the explosion and the sight of Leia in a metal bathing suit is witnessed a year earlier.
  • Local superhero group Van Halen releases propaganda album 1984 in an attempt to fight Big Brother.
  • Local superhero group Van Halen is destroyed in a suspicious salad bar assassination accident

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU!

[edit] 1985

“October 26 Once this baby hits 88 mph, you're going to see some serious shit ”

~ Doc Brown on the night of his Time Travel Experiment!
  • A poll taken by the Associated Press indicates 1985 is considered to be the most boring year of all time.
  • One of the Bushes is most likely president during this time.
  • Oops, sorry, it was former ventriloquist puppet Ronald Reagan, who, at age 146, was sworn in for yet another term as President of these here United States.
  • January 8th - Math is born
  • Rock Hudson dies of embarassment at age 59 (disputed).
  • The Color Purple was the actual name of an actual movie that people actually paid real money to see. God, that's depressing. Oprah may have been involved somehow.
  • I wasn't born.
  • Neither was I.
  • Me neither
  • but I was
  • May 11th: Christian god "God" sent his other only son Robot Jesus II to fight off the Rap singers and welfare babies bred by poor smelly Hippies with no jobs.
  • May 14: Dane Cook has his 2nd baddest case of "Itchy #######"
  • Live Aid, the biggest, over-hyped ego-fest of the 1980s, raises billions of dollars to help African dictators buy mansions on the French Riveria.
  • Speaking of the French, they score their only military victory ever by sinking the Rainbow Warrior, an unarmed ship powered by granola and postive thoughts and crewed by tree-hugging eco-freaks. Let the fireworks begin!
  • Decendents of the Wright Brothers invent the 3DO aircraft.
  • Nigel announces his love for Chutney.
  • During this year, there was Springstein and Madonna. Contrary to popular belief, they were introduced to popular music way before Nirvana.
  • Madonna lost her virginity on stage again!
  • INGSOC is overthrown by Gorbachev who says its in the way of his Iron Curtains.
  • Cocaine becomes the official vegetable of the United States.
  • Disco Dancers are placed on the list of endangered species.
  • John Petrucci and Mike Portnoy form the band Dream Theater and began thier plans for world domination.
  • Microsoft announces Windows 85! Windows 85 was the first OS to support BSOD, the most important feature since 1337, now used in every computer. The product's release date was postponed for 1986, though.
  • The Gingerbread Man is caught.
  • Jesus comes back as Zombie Jesus, eats a few pedestrians, then ascends back into Heaven.
  • Martin McFly mysteriously dissapears from Hill Vally, CA. Also reported missing is Dr. Emmit Brown, who may have kidnaped the young boy and used him for his experiments. Reports of the doctors flagrant pedofilia are still under investigation madonna
  • everything was about Madonna

[edit] 1986

Year of Snail Slime™
Year of Snail Slime™

[edit] 1987

This year is considered to be the most 80ist year of the 80's

  • George Orwell was attacked by a rabid mob because they finally figured out that 1984 was not a true story. Nobody knows where George is currently living, although it is rumored that he is living with Chuck Norris in a small suburb of Boston, and owns an ice-cream parlour under the false name of <insert name here>
  • The Brave Little Toaster was released. There's no cake in it.
  • Kate & Allie walked down a street, trading quips while soft piano music played in the background.
  • Jack Bauer murders twenty people in a village in Wyoming on the early morning hours of November 3. He got away with it, because he's Jack Bauer.
  • The smartest, most talented, and generally just the greatest person ever to live is born. (He (or she) remains in hiding to this day.)
  • Vincent Valentine gives birth to Shadow the Hedgehog, 100-time winner of "Hitman of the month"
  • The first Bring A Seahorse To School Day took place in Wilma, Ohio, despite the lack of seahorses available locally.
  • Badgers were invented, by eccentric inventor Alfred Hitchcock.
  • Mystic Meg made her screen debut in Casablanca.
  • A nuclear reactor blew up in a Colombian city and killed everyone.
  • The "Ninth Renaissance" began on Tuesday, only to end the following Monday.
  • General Maximus Leetus was deposed in Bevanistan
  • The Third non-World War began and ended with Pi's victory.
  • An extra Olympics were held, after complaints by Mordorian athletes that they had been unfairly discriminated against in the previous event.
  • The Main Street Treaty is signed creating a common currency, the Disney Dollar, in the Mickey Mouse League.
  • 김 진우 is born.
  • I was born. Coincidentally, you were also born.
  • September 10: Barry Scott drank his first bottle of Cilit Bang. This also coincided with his first stomach transplant.
  • It was not a very good year for productivity.
  • The RPG Toolkit is created by Norwegian scientist Xavampz.
  • Paris Hilton III is cloned in a secret lab on Alderaan. She would later arrive on Earth with one sole mission: annoy all life.
  • Water was invented by Adolf Hitler just before his second untimely death.
  • May 19: Jack Dude undergoes a successful sex change. Changes name to Jack Chick.
  • The city of Wakefield was destroyed when a 6-month old general accidently set of one of the Wakefield Super Chav Army's thermonuclear weapons thinking it was a toy bear.
  • The Bank of England reveals its new Bacon Barometer, a device for using cured pork produts to detect changes in the housing market.
  • I learnt to juggle.
  • World war 3 tested out beetween russia and america, millions die when russia accidently invades mongolia

[edit] 1988

“1988 was a year I devoted to God, sex, drugs and school girls. I can't remember those crazy orgies without crying.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the memories of a mature and stoned sex-machine.

“This was, by far, the best year EVER to get waxed.”

~ Black Sabbath on 1988

1988 was the year Charles Nelson Reilly was elected President of the United States of America. He was later forced to resign in shame after the Han Solo Scandal. It is also the year that the Sheep Strikes started.

Alternatively, 1988 is a novel written by George Orwell and was published in 1988. He finished it in 1984, but said, "1984 was soooo four years ago!" and changed the title out of extreme happiness when his manuscript finally got dug out of an extremely nice editor's slush pile.

A number of people were born within the year (although many believe everyone went sterile after Kobe Bryant's Birthday Bonanza the previous year on the 23rd of August) Including:Spencer Levine,Devon Merril, Omar Zakkay, and Grant Alward.

[edit] Events

Any given day in 1988, after July 4
Any given day in 1988, after July 4
  • November 19 - Edwin Brewster was born. International sex sybol, and in the Guinnes book of records: Fastest time for shearing sheep 10 years running.

Everyone was on fire.

I have proof, well sort of.


Everyone was on fire. I have proof, sort of.

[edit] 1989

“Whoa! 1989 actually happened!? I thought it was just a pipe dream!?”

~ Oscar Wilde on 1989
The Doctor collapses in a drunken stupor after crashing his tardis into the Berlin Wall
The Doctor collapses in a drunken stupor after crashing his tardis into the Berlin Wall
In Dr Who's Review Of Years, he reviews 1989 as "an exceptionally year in more or less the entire universe. 1989 is best spent in a pub with your head down and your glass full. Don't go anywhere near Swindon. Not unless you want your heart torn out of your chest and stamped on repeatedly."

It's not known exactly what happened to the Doctor in 1989 in Swindon, but he does seem particularly bitter about it, warning against visiting it in 1989, 1983, 1945, 2005, 2017, and 1311. The affections of a barmaid from a slightly tawdry pub called CAT'S PYJAMAS occasionally seem to be involved.

Elsewhere, the Berlin Wall came down, but there wasn't much else happening. The Doctor did show up at the wall just in case anything "went down", but didn't seem to do much except tell anyone who would listen that love was a fickle bastard and that they shouldn't trust anyone, nobody at all, especially not bloody Greta out of the Cat's Pyjamas pub in Swindon. He was seen on December 28th, blind drunk, being supported by The Master as they both hobbled out of a local hostelry, commiserating over past loves and swearing that they were now "besht friendsh, really, sherioushly, I love you man."

  • Saint Blaise, patron saint of Hardcore Ownage, is martyred after time-traveling from the 4th century, reportedly for "just owning too dang hard."
  • I was born.
  • So was I!
  • OMG I was to!!
  • World War One Breaks out. Again. Canada defeats Germany in 19.124 seconds.
  • Steve Backley first expresses an interest in Judo.
  • Garlic was banned in 8 European countries
  • I, OGRE POPE, BORN. ME SMASH PUNY HERETICS!
  • In some anonymous, molding country, some people died to preserve communism for another 15 years.
  • Deep Blue wins the 1989 Nobel Prize for mathmatics after solving the Four Color Theorem despite the fact the Nobel Prize did not offer an award in mathmatics.
  • Duncan Goodhue perminantly banned from Formula One for scratching his arse.
  • May 27 - The space-time continuim dies of AIDS. G'Mia Broadchester born to an ox of latino descent.
  • When a flywheel comes loose on the Mobile City of Edinburgh, the entire inhabited section collides with Glasgow, destroying most of the city centre and almost all of Glasgow's landmarks, including the original Dinosaur Park, the largest Chip in the World, and Charles Renee's Mackintosh. Perversely, Edinburgh is almost completely unharmed, and war breaks out between the two cities.
  • The Maltese-Vatican Conflict ended in October 19th, 1989
  • Troy Nøstdal were born on the 2nd of March.
  • Bob Ross' The Joy of Killing invades Panama.
  • Chaos is said to be born. This is regareded as a very bad descision by God's part, and was frowned upon.
  • God quit his job as God.
  • Michael Jackson takes over as God.
  • The Public votes MJ out as God.
  • God is reinstates himself as God.
  • By this time, Your dad looks exactly like Tom Selleck, aka, Kojak, you pathetic bastard son of Selleck.
  • Toothpaste invented.
  • Poirot's moustache is elected president of tasmania.
  • Nigger music went mainstream with bands like Public Enemy
  • Tizzle Shizzleed on Ya Bizzle

28th January Alex Hughes is born, the only man other than Edwin Brester to have won international sex symbol since 1990.

  • Communism in southwest Asia breaks down into all those little "stan" countries: "Turkmenistan", "Uzbekistan", "Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnmstan", "The Artist Formerly Known as Stan", etc. You remember them, don't you? That was the geography test you got a "D-minus" on, remember?
  • Parachute Pants are determined to create a forcefield around the wearer so that they can't be touched.
  • Jimmy Saville was arrested for conspiracy to grow a very long beard, weave it into his pubes and strum it like a harp.
  • Nebraska is discovered.

[edit] 198x

A year in the Twentieth Century during which all events not memorable enough to be assigned a particular year occurred. These include:

[edit] Events

  • Communism is bullied into submission by the Meanies (Capitalist Pigs).
  • Image:Everybody gets ice cream.gif
  • The release of "Vienna" by Ultravox
  • The time-space continuum is weaved from the fabric of a rather frayed wool cap.
  • Michaël Mostaert was born.
  • The launch of the Sinclair C-5 electrical scooterette
  • The birth of every member of every boy band ever
  • Soviet's invade and take over seattle. Major retreat to USSR takes place after witnessing a Gay Parade.
  • Luke Skywalker opening the first brothel in history to feature only she-males and Grover Cleveland impersonators.
  • The discovery of the planet Pluto.
  • The Chernobyl disaster.
  • The Titanic sinks.
  • Oprah Winfrey trips over during her visit to San Fransisco, and causes a huge ass earthquake. It killed about 60 gay and/or retarded peoples.
  • Kathryn Chipman was born on 22nd Jan along with that balthazar dude from Lord of the flies


  • Origins: 198x lies between 197something and 199... 2? in the Calendar of Doubt to which all sentient beings assign events whose actual dates of occurrence they (a:) never knew but pretend they did or (b:) genuinely once knew but have since forgotten. 198x was created in February 1990 as soon as the pretentiousness level of referring to the previous decade dropped below 8.5 points.
  • Components: 198x contains the early 1980s, the mid-1980s and the late 80s. It is sometimes erroneously ascribed occurrences from the early 1990s in much the same way that much of the 1970s are mistaken for the 1960s.
  • Troubleshooting: 198x can be solved to a accuracy of 365.24 solar days by groups of eight or more people which are statiscally obliged to contain at least one memory freak who can pinpoint any occasion in any decade to within one week by recalling the song which was at the top of the charts when the event occurred.
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