2000 AD - 2099 AD

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This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.

Represented here are the time periods from 2000AD to 2099AD.





Contents

[edit] 2000

Before his Pace-Maker died out!
Before his Pace-Maker died out!

“Happy New .... oh Crap, my Pace Maker!.. ”

~ Dick Clark on Rockin New Year's Eve.
  • ... Whoa! Y2K Struck with terrible force and has made all computers heads asplode!
  • Michael Champion takes a huge dump and blockes the entire of Great Britains sewage system, (making it not so great..) Luckily Captain Britain saves the day by subsequently forcing the afor mention "Micahel" to eat it all.. (Yes ALL OF IT)
  • The left toe of the Philips lightbulbmascot got smacked in an accident in Eindhoven
  • The year that Fortran died.
  • Michael Jackson transformed into a Japanese anime character and his pubic hair was surgically taped to his chin.
  • People live on the moon with robots.
  • People eat protein pills instead of food and wear cool, shiny Lycra bodysuits.
  • Everybody travels around using jet-powered backpacks.
  • Life in the year 2000 was totally excellent.
  • The United States Federal Government announced on January 1, 2000 that all helmet laws for children were revoked and instead parents were to report with their children to Juvenile Enveloping Centers where minors would be encased in nutrient rich foam filled eggs for their own safety. Upon maturity, the beings would emerge as full grown adults and thus able to navigate the world without fear of cracking their heads open when they fall off their bikes.
  • Ralph Nader is destroyed by all things.
  • It is discovered that the Western calendar is 16 years off, actually making the year 1984.
  • Snoopy gets dismantled and sold for scrap metal by evil forces on a mission to Prague. The mission was to prevent Prague from separating from the United Kingdom of America. The Peanuts crew was successful but in addition to Snoopy dying, Schroeder, Team Dark Knight, Spike, and Woodstock get killed as well. Charlie Brown retires leaving just Lucy, Linus, and Rerun. The van Pelt siblings decide to disband Peanuts. A week later, Charles M. Schulz gets killed in a bombing of Florida by Republicans trying to force the people in that state to vote for them. They succeed and elect George W. Bush to the White House.
  • Hillary Clinton grows a penis and gets elected to the United States Senate. A bombing of the Senate Building by male chauvinists then happens, killing Ted Kennedy and six other US Senators, but not Hillary.
  • Yugoslavia joins the United Kingdom of America.
  • The PlayStation 2 begins its reign of terror.
  • A flood almost sinks Great Britain. For some reason however, Ireland(including Northern Ireland) was unaffected.
  • Pootie Tang is named Greatest Movie in the Universe and wins every Academy Award. The runner-up is Gigli.
  • Snoop Dogg breaks into the White House, busts a cap up George W. Bush's ass, and becomes president.
  • Snoop Dogg's first act as president is not only to legalize Marijuana, but to declare that anyone who doesn't smoke it every day shall suffer death by watching public television.
  • Jack Bauer adopted Elisha Cuthbert, as his daughter. She subsequently changed her legal name to Kim Bauer, but continued using Elisha Cuthbert as her stagename.
  • England, September 8th opens up it's first rehab ceneter for junkies hooked on the substance air.
  • Canada puts nation-wide ban on Family Guy and all other family-related things.
  • Chickens will overthrow the White house.
  • Episode where Homer gets raped by a panda first aired
  • The First Scene Kid is found in a sunken U-Boat at the bottom of ocean. First attempts at mating Scene Kids with Poke'mon Ditto recorded.
  • George Bush is made president again due to the calender error mentioned earlier.

[edit] In other languages

[edit] 2001

  • January 15: Wikipedia begins its reign of terror.
  • Ted Turner sells WCW to the WWF for a 1987 Buick with subwoofers and a player to be named later.
  • Mac OS X was released. It then crashes the computers of everyone who bought it.
  • 2001: A Space Oddessy is found in a hole in Megatexas.
  • Houston gets destroyed by a flood and replaced by Carson City (moved from Nevada (the state) via several nets, helicopters, and bulldozers).
  • August 15: Strawberry Jesus is born, and immediately begins preaching the good word of his holiness B.
  • September 11: New York City is attacked by Godzilla. Bush, in all his intelligence declares war on terror. By the way, can some one point out were terror is in the map? Hellmo is born.
  • Max Payne kills over 3,500,000,000 people. 3,499,999,999 of them probably deserved it.
  • This year was techincally the start of the new millennium but the Y2K Bug messed with people's heads and thus the world thought the new millennium started in 2000 instead.
  • Guns N' Roses goes on a reunion tour sans any original members except Axl Rose. Axl Rose then promised that the Chinese Democracy album would be released by the end of the year. It didn't happen.
  • Ronald Reagan ressurects Bush, who then sucks Snoop's brain out. Bush then seized the pesedency after a 6-hour shoot-out with Secret Service.
  • Your mom gets pwned.

[edit] 2002

  • December 28: A herd of Alien Velociraptors has attacked and stealed the Lębork, a small town in northern Poland.
  • The United Nations steals all of Osama bin Laden's money and calls him an evil Communist.
  • An American goes crazy and kills a bunch of Canadians.
  • Nirvana releases three albums of outtakes. Kurt Cobain rolls in his grave so fast that he goes all the way to China. China then refuses to give back the body of Kurt Cobain. This ended up resulting in The Fight for Kurt Cobain.
  • The Sun gets stolen by George W. Bush. He uses it successfully as a negotiation piece with the entire world. Thus, he controlled the entire world from that point on. Negotiations lasted only two hours.
  • Snipers shoot George W. Bush down
  • Dave Thomas died. Wendy's collaspes by 2010.
  • Naruto comes into America. The show saves 300 Pokemon and 500 Digimon and Dragon Ball Z also.
  • Half of Europe gets destroyed in a flood. The United Kingdom and Northern Ireland gets destroyed too. But Ireland and France doesn't get flooded this time however.
  • May 15: Prohibition is reinstated.
  • May 16: SARS is used to kill Prohibition.
  • PRAISE FOR BRAZIL!THE VETERANS ON THE WAR OF 2112 VISIT RIO!AND CONQUER IT.............................with rock.
  • Vapor Trails are found.They lead to now what is known Earthshine,and somewhere,sometime....there was One Little Victory.
  • August 2: World is invaded by aliens. Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix save the world by figuring out the secret weakness of the aliens.
  • September 27: Randoms acts of people chalking shadows in the streets occur. Sparks Global Shadow chalking day.
  • Rappers and Potheads bring back Snoop Dogg from the dead and storm the White House. Snoop Dogg resumes the Presidency, with Mike Jones as his Vice President
  • Snoop Dogg decides to invade Colombia because he is running out of weed. The Country is relieved.
  • Six months later, he realizes Canada could steal his marijuana and invades them
  • Jokes about the Sun are declared passe. This new taboo isn't broken until 3 years later which is a very long time in the media.
  • War PLE(Personal learning edition is released)
  • Images of Hayden Christensen are sent through a wormhole after Kamino disappeared from the archives
  • War for dummies (alternative for the PLE)is realeased. Teaching most of the worlds population how to make WMDs. There is an increase in fertiliser sales.
  • The words "Made in America" became a lie for everything but bad things (except for stem cells and breast implants).
  • Sodomy is banned. Millions of gays go on psychotic rampages and kill half the World's population before SARS is used to take them down.
  • Micheal Eisner tampers with Space Mountain and makes it spin out of control and spin straight into the Moon.
  • J.R.R. Tolkien is reborn again with a 12 inch penis.
  • The Terminator joins Snoop Dogg and Mike Jones, and help them in their quest for World Domination. He starts smoking weed and is becomes twice as dangerous.
  • Neverland Ranch raided again after ten years, November 18, 2003
  • The wheel becomes available in Sweden.
  • Seamus the dog, the unofficial fifth member of Pink Floyd, dies when he crashes his car, is struck by a falling tree, and is then run over by an SUV.
  • Yoko Ono still can't fucking sing.
  • Captain Picard kills Captain Kirk in a duel. Doctor Crusher, Jadzira Dax, B'leanna Torres, Captain Janeway, Deanna Troi, Kira Nerys, and Seven of Nine rip Spock and Scotty apart.

[edit] 2003

  • World War III begins, or rather doesn't.
  • This year does not exist or does it?!
  • No, it doesn't.
  • Or does it?
  • No.
  • It does exist, and The terminator invades France!
  • Luigi turns to the Dark Side.
  • Bowser takes over the Mushroom Kingdom.
  • Snoop Dogg decides to invade Colombia because he is running out of weed. The Country is relieved.
  • Six months later, he realizes Canada could steal his Marajuana and invades them
  • Jokes about the Sun are declared passe. This new taboo isn't broken until 3 years later which is a very long time in the media.
  • "The Simpsons Movie" hits the big screen and has been remained the best animated featutre film of 2003.
  • War PLE(Personal learning edition is released)
  • War for dummies (alternative for the PLE)is realeased. Teaching most of the worlds population how to make WMDs. There is an increase in fertiliser sales.
  • The words "Made in America" became a lie for everything but bad things (except for stem cells and breast implants).
  • Sodomy is banned. Millions of gays go on psychotic rampages and kill half the World's population before SARS is used to take them down.
  • Micheal Eisner tampers with Space Mountain and makes it spin out of control and spin straight into the Moon.
  • J.R.R. Tolkien is born again with a 12 inch penis.
  • The Terminator joins Snoop Dogg and Mike Jones, and help them in their quest for World Domination. He starts smoking weed and is becomes twice as dangerous.
  • Neverland Ranch raided again after ten years, November 18, 2003
  • The wheel becomes available in Sweden.
  • Seamus the dog, the unofficial fifth member of Pink Floyd, dies when he crashes his car, is struck by a falling tree, and is then run over by an SUV.
  • Yoko Ono still can't fucking sing.
  • Thankfully the Goo Goo Dolls released an album, Gutterflower, so people don't have to listen to Yoko Ono.

[edit] 2004

  • Zack and Cody are born.
  • Spanish porno flick director Alfonso Cuarón arrives from the year AD 0.001. He subsequently tries and fails to adapt Harry Potter.
  • SARS is un-outlawed on the condition that it isn't used to kill Dubya or Dick Cheney.
  • Bill Gates comes back to life and kills one billion geeks and two billion normal people.
  • Oscar Wilde builds a new sun and the war (now called World War II1/2) starts to come to an end.
  • Everyone in the World is scared silly. The geeks take over again. The war ends once everyone realizes they can vote out Dubya when he's up for election the following year.
  • War for Dummies becomes the best selling book of all time. Microsoft immediately buys rights for it. This leads to a sales drop of 128%. Microsoft then sells the rights to Apple for 38 cents. Sales increase a whopping 658%.
  • Birds start to die 10 times more than they used to.
  • Millions of explosions happen this year killing over a billion people.
  • The 30th of March Tragedy- The Little Old Lady swallowed the fly.
  • Yahoo workers found guilty of kidnapping the Runaway Bride.
  • Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge was released and prompted the 'Age Of The Emo'
  • Willy Wonka is arrested for mollesting 8 Oompa Loompa's and is taken to the insane asyhlum along with Ronald McDonald.

[edit] 2005

  • George Bush is sworn in to his second term as President of the United States. In an unrelated poll, total fucking idiots are found to outnumber people with a clue by 3-to-1.
  • Hurricane Katrina is accidentally caused when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a Giant Water barrel. There were no survivors 'cept Oscar Wilde and Chuck Norris.
  • Oscar Wilde knocks up Virgin Mary, repopulating Earth.
  • Michael Brown does a heck of a job.
  • The Shadow Government of Konami reveals that they have been in control of Japan for nearly 7,000,000,000 years. George Bush sends Solid Snake to defeat Konami, only to be hit by a bus 5 minutes later.
  • The Great Petco Blowup of 2005
  • ABC announced that they are planning to cancel their hit television series Alias, causing fans everywhere to make an oath that they will not eat until J.J. Abrams revokes his decision. He didn't; they died. This helps give the stupid people leverage.
  • London got blown up
  • Airman Grant Frazier is kicked out of the US Air Force for being a jackass, and his partner in crime Victor Smith saved a burning baby from an infant building.
  • The interweb war starts again since everyone downloaded the 12.5 updates to fix the clocks on windows. The War is portrayed in the form of WoW (World of Warcraft). After which so Blizzard declares that the Interweb wars receives a 700% speed increase, it will crit for 56K.
  • James Caviezel is actually Jesus Christ. This divide between Jesus and Dubya breaks the United States in half. Ultimately, Jesus and Dubya decide to team up and go back to the status quo. This also means that the United States is sown back together.
  • Bob Brown is born.
  • Bob Brown dies.
  • Harper Valley PTA is released, and features Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and four of her homies: Li'l Flip, Chamillionaire, Mr. T, and Krayzie Bone.
  • After long and carful consideration it is decided that they year 1467 is boring and is promptly removed from history.
  • Myspace has reached records for exploiting sluts and other bitchy annoying high school girls. Emos have found a place to think they have new friends, (or friends in general). It has now become the most annoying site on the internet.
  • Oscar Wilde, while attempting to create a method of turining yeast infections into a delicious after dinner cheese, accidentally creates Uncyclopedia.
  • Your dad gets pwned.
  • people of earth witness Anakin turing to the dark side through a wormhole after Vader screamed NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! in response to Padme's death.
  • My life is ruined.

[edit] 2006

2006 is this year, unless you're reading this now, in which case 2006 is 100% now. If you are reading this in 2007 or beyond, well, apparently guinea pigs will rule the Earth by 2005. 2006 was a highly overrated year. In Chinese mythology, 2006 was the year of the squirrel. All sorts of interesting things will happen/are happening/happened in 2006! It's more than halfway done!

  • January 1 - The outbreak of World War III, again.
  • Snape kills Dumbledore in book 6(Spoiler Warning)
  • The High School Musical epidemic swallows 643,000 million young girls.
  • The Nintendo Wii is invented. The name comes from the urine used to make the machine.
  • The infamous musical sensation known as Slow Boy Running is conceived by Thomas Brungardt & John Beaver in their neighbor's garge without his consent. The band goes on to be world famous without playing a single show or ever making an official album release. Millions are outraged.
  • Everyday but December 1 - Britney Spears wears no panties, pleasing some and disgusting others. Paris Hilton is blamed for her new found pantyphobia.
  • Born again Christians drift into defilement and debauchery again, as expected, and are then deemed born again (again) Christians which causes havoc for statisticians and census results.
  • Pope, the voice of God on earth, explodes. Replaced with re-incarnation of Hitler whose views disagree with former Pope's - claims "God changed his mind."
  • Airman First Class Amy Huling raped your mom and liked it.
  • The Glen Miller Band stunned the world with a posthumous reunion tour.
  • July 18th - The Term 'Zormph' is coined by Mark David in Cote-Saint-Luc, Canada. Zormph refers to any kind of broadcasting morph or mutation that takes place with or without prior notice.
  • July 25: The 31-year-old employee of the China economy newspaper knows in advance the contents of the legal advertisement carried by this paper, and arrests by the Tokyo District Public Prosecutors Office on suspicion of the violation

of the Securities Exchange Act which obtained about 30 million yen profits by the stock trade.

  • The Almighty Gordon Frohman dies. Gordon Freeman is taken into custody.
  • A group of meddling kids and their dumb dog remove the mask from George W. Bush revealing that he was Gary Coleman all along.
  • Outbreak of disease.
  • Oprah destroys the funny-sounding African city of Ouagadougou with bug spray.
  • A few teenage boys get extremely bored during school one day and decide to write 3 essays worth of 1337 uber c00l... words. Which are amusing to silly souls who spend too much time on the net.
  • The first annual Drunk Olympics, a version of the Olympic Games where everyone competes while drunk, are held. There is only one survivor.
  • Microsoft is acquired in a hostile takeover by Oscar Wilde who copyrights all Microsoft jokes found on the Internet.
  • Remains of Robin Williams found, along with Chris Rock and Richard Pryor, inside of a rather funny mass grave in Red Bank, New Jersey.
  • Winston Churchill battles the Silver Surfer, siphoning off the Power Cosmic and using it to fight Galactus. "I have taken more out of Galactus than Galactus has taken out of me." ~~ Yogi Berra.
  • March 10: Google loots the planet Mars from its orbit and prepares to re-launch it as Planet Google.
  • Steve Guttenberg wins five Oscars. In his acceptance speech, he says "I couldn't have done this without the help of Scott Baio and Eric Roberts."
  • Iran will declare war on Harrison Ford. Ford will emerge victorious.
  • Abu Ghraib gives us a second helping of what it is like living in legal loopholes. The US people envy them for not having to pay taxes, as they fail to see the problem with not even applying the rules against animal cruelty. The local rats even emigrated/timewarped to 1950 northern Siberian to get better living conditions without PETA's help!
  • A group of wreckheads from Finland win Eurovision by default. The whole of Europe declares a national holiday. Lithuania sulk in disbelief.
  • Keanu Reeves will save the Earth from something bad.
    • Will this be before or after the Earth plummets into the sun? (See 06/06/06 for more information).
    • Depends on whether you're reading this before or after 2006.
  • The Nike Revolution led by Comissar Andrew Carsoni and Petri Knight
  • Everyone agrees to call it a potĀto, not potato, and the whole thing is called off.
  • DJ Love Master 5000 is born.
  • Morgan Freeman kills George Bush, and becomes both the first black President and the first black God.
  • In a surprise move, Pope John Paul II undergoes a one-hour canonizing (52 minutes 12 seconds) using a radical new process, breaking the previous record for canonization of 4 years 28 seconds.
  • Metallica will die in a terrible crash resulting in Kirk Hammett illegally bleeding in a public area.
  • Squids On A Plane premieres, to rave reviews.
  • Gumby does a comeback, and Pokey sues for sexual harassment hoping to steal the Gumby trademark and love off making anatomically complete plush Gumby dolls.
  • Pat Robertson is miraculously revived from the undead.
  • The entire continent of Africa is claimed by Mick Dundee and then renamed New Australia.
  • Ford invents a new environmentally fit car that runs on hopes and dreams. It will be named the Dreamland Express and will get 2,300 miles per gallon.
  • God fell off of his desk.
  • North Korea changes it's national anthem to My ##### after Kim Jong-Il beats Leroy Jenkings in a game of WarCraft.
  • Six US ports are sold to the axis of oil, causing worldwide economic collapse as the shipping costs control make oil cheaper or more expensive as needed for US re-election. It also help finance 9/11, the sequel!
  • Trinidad and Tobago defeated Saudi Arabia to win the FIFA World Cup 2006 tournament, in a one-on-two handicap lingerie match.
  • January 23rd, 2006, Stephen Harper voted absoulte monarch of the Kingdom of Canada.
  • Other events included The "Celebrity Win, Lose or Draw" Crisis of 2006.
  • Axis of Oil joke fails to impress a rioting crowd outside Jay Leno's house.
New headquarters of The 700 Club begins construction.
New headquarters of The 700 Club begins construction.
  • Edmonton Oilers Do NOT win the Stanley Cup, as they had predicted in 2005.
  • Fidel Castro dies when George W. Bush finally just decides to drop the bomb on him instead of playing the waiting game. He and hundreds of people around him die horrible deaths.
  • Mad Max in his pre time-writing days runs over Mel Gibson 47 times, thus killing him. Ten years later, Gibson gets revived by Jesus (who owed him for reviving his acting career (back when he was known as James Caviezel (the reason he didn't get to him earlier is because of all those stupid prayers he has to answer))).
  • Floyd Landis challenges Barry Bonds to a deathmatch. The condition was that if the loser was still alive after the fight was over, he had to admit to everyone that he took steroids. Bonds accepted and the battle occurred ten days later. After a 65-episode TV mini-series (24 of them showed Bonds charging up his death blast), Bonds won. His death blast missed, but then he hit a 500-foot homer (with the World's Largest Baseball) that landed directly on Landis. Bonds said during Landis's speech "I'm the steroid king! And don't any of you forget that!" While Landis lived, there was lots of blood, and that was enough for the obsessive otakus and the drugged-up teenagers that formed half of the viewers for this drawn-out spectacle.
  • The makers of Pepsi and Coca-Cola secretly slip pesticides into the soft drinks in order to thin out the population. The only problem was that they got caught for it (oddly enough, McDonald's still hasn't been caught for sneaking pesticides into their Big Macs(or Tiny Macs as these famous burgers have been reduced to nowadays)).
  • This really fast year starts to slow down. It was later revealed to be Satan trying to make the World so slow that there would be another Ice Age.
  • August 12th, August 13th, and August 14th- Absolutely nothing happens on these days.
  • August 15th- Earth starts to freeze over.
  • August 16th- Satan is defeated when Planet Google lands on him. Mad Max escaped from jail and convinced God to take Planet Google out of it's orbit and land it on Satan. Instead of a 40-year sentence, he gets a 39-year sentence.
  • August 17th- Google Bots come out of Planet Google and kill millions of Canadians. God freezes time until he can think of an idea to save the World from the Google Bots.
  • August 18th- The Google Bots find a way not be frozen in time and move down from Canada to the United States to kill more people. Mad Max was unfrozen to try and save the World. Satan gets resurrected by Google to lead their revolution. The ice caps started moving down from Canada to the United States.
  • August 19th- The polar ice caps start to move towards the good states. Mad Max finds 1000 basookas at the White House's basement. The Google Bots start to come towards the White House. Mad Max watches guard. Luckily for him, they won't get there until at least tomorrow so he has time to find more weapons.
  • August 20th- God freezes the Google Bots for a short period of time so Mad Max has more time to look for weapons. He steals some from Isreal and Lebanon (who were bombing the crap out of each other before the Google Bots came along).
  • August 21st- The Google Bots break out of their freeze (again). Satan becomes the new president of the Congo the very same day. The world starts to come out of its time freeze. The ice bergs start to go down towards Mexico (Mad Max is surviving the great cold because God gave him a heat shield).
  • August 22nd- God realizes that he could just reverse time so that none of this ever happened. He does so and the world goes back to August 11th and Satan goes back to Hell.
  • Iran bombs the United Nations. Nobody cares. Unfortunately, Dubya was on a drinking binge so he wasn't there at the time.
  • September 10- The much hyped Manning Bowl ends. Peyton defeats Eli. The clash of brother on brother causes a rip in the space/time continueum. Civil War Era soldiers pour through the rip and begin to re-fight the US Civil War.
  • September 15- LeAnne Rimes comes out with Texas Ranger 2. It receives many bad reviews from critics. LeAnne begins to sing, and the critics cover their ears and beg for forgiveness. Later the Hollywood Daily Tattler publishes pictures of LeAnne clad only in a watermelon, and the critics line up and, as one, fall upon their swords.
  • December 1- Ford Motors decides to replace their extremely unpopular line of cars with cardboard boxes. Customer satisfaction sky rockets and prices go down due to low costs of manufacturing. Their ad: "Everyone always tells you to think outside of the box. Well, us at Ford think when it comes to cars, you gotta think in."
  • December 3- The popular Indian (not Native American) band, Dance Raja Dance is discovered by the masses. Millions flock to stores to buy it and people all over the world are listening. After awhile, their enthralling melodies and cheesy instrumentation hypnotizes people into thinking B.O. smells good. A global crisis is in effect.
  • December 4- The company Tag Body Sprayreleases "Tag EveryBODY spray" to combat the B.O. crisis. The formula backfires and wipes out 3/4 of North America (Not including Alaska, Hawaii and Puerto Rico).

[edit] March 29

  • Annular Earth eclipse seen from the Moon. You had to be there to understand, it was beeeeautiful man!

All Neo-Fascists in the town of Oshawa suddenly explode. Anyone leaning towards the right suddenly swing to the left. They also explode.

[edit] 6/06/06

A lot of bad stuff happened on this day.

  • The Earth plummeted into the sun, killing everyone who lives there (on the sun, not the earth. Pay no attention to global warming conspiracies, we'll be fine).
  • Google celebrated their 10th Birthday on the 6/6/06 - and revealed to the world their hot new devil worshipping logo!
  • A remake of The Omen was released. Did well in theaters, but with mixed reviews. I liked it, and your mom did too, but you didn't, and I had paid for your ticket too. :(
  • Windows got a virus. Every single PC was raped. No one cared, this happens a lot.
  • Mr.T got a new tattoo...of your mom.
  • Paris Hilton plummeted into the Grand Canyon (knocking the two remaining brain cells out of her ear) These later went on the create her little dog Tinkerbell.
  • Runescape was wiped out. Almost. This happened when a complete 1337 sp34king n00b used his uber 1337 powers to attack people outside the zammyzone and caused uber pwnage. He was rewarded 3 trillion gold for nearly causing a few geeks to get a life.
  • George W. Bush died. Fortunately, nobody cared, and he is still believed to be alive to this day.
  • Elvis was arrested for DUI in Salt Lake City, Utah. How he obtained alcohol in Salt Lake City no one knows.
  • Jordan Webb turned 16 and became the Anti-Christ
  • Sweden celebrated their national holiday.
  • It was a Tuesday, Satan masturbated and killed 50% of the global Emo population.
  • Passion of The Christ II is realeased, and is a horrable box office failure. It was then pulled from theaters everywhere. Less than -999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999, watched it.

[edit] 2006 and a half

Contrary to popular belief, 2006 and a half does NOT come here (between 2006 and 2007). It was, in fact, relocated to just after the year threven BC by the evil dictator Shneed. This was done to enforce Shneed's radical "You don't mess with Shneed 'less you want an ass-whoopin' " policy.

  • Kiriperitid a new scrabel term for football invented.
  • I'm writing this post.
  • Running out of comic book heroes to remake into movies, the movie industry looks to video games for ideas. The following are upcoming movies based on video games: 
      -Metal Gear Solid 3: Dog Eater. Starring Dat Phan
      -Hitman. Starring Vin Diesel. Or The Rock. Whoever needs it more.
      -Katamari Damacy. Starring Blind people with velcro attached to them.
      -Final Fantasy ###. Starring Snoop Dogg and the GGW crew. For only $9.95.
      -God Of War. Starring Mel Gibson. 
      -The Thing. Starring Sharon Stone's vagina.
      -Fable. Starring Two-face.
      -Kingdom Hearts. Starring Walt Disney and Sephiroth.
      -Suikoden V. starring Georg Prime ONLY cuz hes the only one how deseves to be since he so FRECKIN' GREAT!!
      -Worms: Armaggeddon. Starring real worms. Voiceover provided by 'Michael Jackson and friends'
  • Nintendo Revolution starts a revolution

[edit] 2006.000000202020004

P&G GOES BANKRUPT! Wii initiates rebellion, creates "Wiiland" in the middle of a server controlling Micro$oft Windows xxXp brand > > > BorG implants. Gary Brolsma marries Shakira and Tom Cruise, thus making Fernando Burtoni's UNvorable status valid-again.

  • Visual Basic goes out of commission for displaying the year 2006 as this year when expressed as a "Double" number.

==2007== ALSO KNOWN HAS THE YEAR OF HALO 3

  • January 14 - Scientists discover that the average IQ of a Grue is 127
  • 2007 invented. The current year.
  • Chicken comes first in the New York Marathon. The Egg is not consoled by 2nd place.
  • In a hideous mix-up, Bez of the happy mondays is elected to head of the labour party.
  • This girl takes over the world briefly for some reason. It might have to do with the butt.

  • Misappropriated pictures of Theresa E. Jones and Samantha L. Ayala in questionable positions released on the internet.
  • The earth confirmed to be flat.
  • You are no longer obliged to speak in morse on t3H 1nt3|2n3t.

But, honestly, *__ **** ___ _*_* *_ *_* * ***?

  • You are drafted into the U.S. Army, just one month after you said the draft wouldn't happen.
    • Eminem yells "Told you it was going to happen! Fuckin' moron!" shortly before being drafted.
  • We hear a Far Cry from the world we thought we would inherit,it says:"Use the Larger Bowl!".
  • The Detox LP gets cancelled again. Later in the year, Eminem says "Don't worry about that Detox album. It's coming. We are forcing Dre to do it! He ain't coming out of that room 'til he's done!"
  • George Bush is killed by rogue CTU agent Jack Bauer, in a rush election, Present iPod Video is elected. Within a matter of days The United States Of Apple declares war on the small offshore island Microsoft. The iNuke is unleashed.
  • The first funny joke is finally remembered, after many thousands of years of waiting in the shadows to strike. Unfortunantly, it isn't this one. Bush doesn't get it.
  • <REMOVED> (Damn time travellers)
  • <Censored! Titor sucks!>
  • #1 Macintosh and Apple fan Joel Maher was tragically killed on this day
  • Google gains complete control over all humans (and the world), with the help of yet another one of their projects, called "Google Mind."
  • The PS3 is finally released in Europe, an entire year after it was suppose to be released.
  • The new D12 album comes out. Trillions of people get offended.
  • The Band Margelikwon starts the rain of terror over the world drawing millions the the concerts!
  • Scientists realized the earth doesn't turn on it's axis, it turns around Fat Albert.

“Give up fighting us now. Resistance is futile. You have no chance to survive. Make your time.”

~ European Union on to All the Other Countries in Europe That It Hasn't Yet Assimilated
  • Steve Jobs iNvents the iPhone. Just a week after iT's iNtroduced to the World, the World fiRes Steve Jobs out of a cannon iNto the Sun. Unfortunately Fortunately for everyone, they miScalcuate the diRectiOn that the Sun was faciNg when they diD that, and fiRe hiM out of a cannon iNto Planet Google iNstead. He comes back to Earth to iNvent more crappy awesome computers and iProducts for us to hate enjoy. Now that i Made you look good, could you please stop holdiNg that gun to my head? iThink iWill bDead!!!!!! oW!!! yOur iGuns aRe hUrting mE!!!!!!


  • January 11th- I tell Bethany to go to this web page.

“BETHANY! I love you! Do you want to go out sometime?!? Please!”

~ Carl on How to ask a girl out and most likely get rejected real fast
  • January 12th- I kill Bethany when she says "no". Oh well, this is what happens when someone tells me 'no'!
  • March 26th- Steve Irwin is resurrected by the sting-rays, but one of the sting-rays accidentally kills him after mistaking him for George W. Bush. The sting-rays apoligize for his death, again.
  • May 3rd- It rains pee in New Jersey. Mouths all over the state open wide.
  • May 20th- Joe Garcia Fucks up my fucking party when he takes all the booze we all paid for and drinks it all while getting buttsex with his fag friend who bought it all!
  • May 25th- After Captain Jack Sparrow finished his epic adventure and found the fountain of youth he became immortal killed every Ninja and Elizabeth Swan after raping her to become king of all things especially Pirates. It is reported he then drank some rum. King Captain Jack wants you!...To get him some rum.
  • May 31st- Latvia elects its 7th resident.
  • July 4th- The United States of America celebrates its birthday two days early yet again...
    • My oldest cat turns 10! Happy birthday!
  • July 21st- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is finally published, breaking millions of fan fiction writers' hearts everywhere.
  • August 22nd- Bush announces "Mission Acomplished!", again...
  • September- Nintendo releases another Pokemon game in Japan. Brazillians are killed in the rioting.
    • How much is a Brazillion?
      • The number of girls who you don't stand a chance with. Nah, it's the number of girls I don't stand a chance with... Or maybe, it is the people who live in that one country, I forgot what that country is called. I still don't stand a chaqnce with any of them, though.
  • September 12th- Terrorists attack the Octogon. Three are injured. No one is is hurt. And nothing happened.
  • September 25th- New continant discovered called 'Greigtopia' (in a shape of a G) inhabited by Greigory Pecks. Only 3 countries have been discovered: Greigegaland, Greigtropolis and New Greigegaland.
  • October 15th - Somebody uploads a VHS trailer for "Pocahontas", with the voiceover quote, "That looks like a The Simpsons movie to me!"
  • November 10th- Someone finds something good about New Jersey, but that person falls into the Delaware River, swallows a plastic coffee cup, and chokes to death before he can reveal what that one good thing was. Most people speculate that it was we could use New Jersey as a place to test nuclear bombs or dump all of our trash.
  • November 25th- Bill Nye kicks a cat in a parking lot. The cat dies of lung cancer for some reason.
  • November 26th- You were born and I was hatched, but you came out deformed.
  • December 7th- Japanese celebrate the 66th anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbour by bombing Pearl Harbour, again.
    • FDR uses this as a reason to go to war with Germany, again.
  • December 24th- Fergie eats the world whole.
  • Now is likely to be happening. Keep it in the fridge though. It might melt.
  • Hideo Kojima goes Super Saiyan 4; millions of Japanese citizens perish in the ensuing explosion. Kojima assumes the role of Captain America.
  • Producers at ABC decide to make a LOST reality TV Show and randomly abduct people of opposing races and beliefs around the US and put them on an island to see what happens. The show is cancelled weeks later due to overwhelming flashbacks and flashbacks OF flashbacks.
  • George .W. Bush is found making whooshing sounds, and knocking down toilet rolls with little toy planes. Investigation go into the suspected rise of Political intellect, conceived from this event. Bush, claims "I was just making sure the rolls were ready for tactical department", then continued to look puzzled.
  • The word Bigsmall is printed in dictionaries world wide. It is instantly made an obscenity, thousands of "concerned" mothers make speechs about the effects on children. Children still stand oblivious that there is any change.
  • Bob Dole opens new religion, Bob Dolism. It is set to be upgraded with new Firmware from Sony, by 2013, to a Major Religion. Jedi Knights take up controllers and mini hot dogs in protest.
  • Sony releases Playstation 3 into Australia on 23rd March. Complaints arise as Australians realise it doesn't grill sandwiches.
  • The wii and PS3 make sweet monkey love.
  • The Persian Army invades movie theaters across the world. People seek refuge out in the sun.

[edit] March 3

The lunar eclipse on the night of 3/3/07 turned everybody on the planet Earth into 0800-REVERSE Werewolves and ARRGH! IT WAS INSANE! Before all that occured, yeah, it was a very pretty sight. Luckily, everybody turned back to normal by March 4, 2007. Thank God!

[edit] 2008

The United States in 2008.
The United States in 2008.

2008 is predicted to be, during its time, the most recent year. Sources are weak but feasible.

  • It's predicted n00bs will spam Uncyclopedia.
  • Hi MOM!!! Im on uncyclopedia w00t!
  • lolz i am uber h4xz0r
  • You're right.
  • lol wut
  • hi all!111
  • Barack Obama was elected the President of the United States by the biggest landslide of all elections ever! Because you know that everyone loves Obama because he Baracks your world.
  • Barack Obama then removes his disguise and reveals to the United States that he is really Osama. The world is fucked.
  • Enferno comes into power and declares fire to be the most kick ass thing since his name!
  • God phones George W Bush and tells him to go fuck Hillary.

[edit] Things that already happened in 2008

  • Polar Ice-caps Relocated to Equator-Penguins Confused, though enjoying their newfound wealth as tourist hotel owners.

[edit] How 2008 should have been

  • Al Gore invents the year 2008
  • Captain Obvious joins a fight of epic porportions, battling the likes of: Al Gore, your mother, your father's old college roomate, and John Madden. This battle yields the ceased existence of Zimbabwae, and the magical curing of the AIDs epidemic.
  • The videogame Spore is released with a bug which made player's head implode and create small black holes .
  • Condoms magically become 110% more likely to prevent pregnancy.
  • Ontario bombs Quebec so that Canada doesn't have to hear them.
  • Tupac comes back from a vacation at the moon.
  • 50 cent is punched in the face and dies from crying.
  • January 1st; the attack of the 500 foot Jesus begins.
  • Attack of the 500 foot Jesus ceases when California Governor: Randy FartsenShagger unleashes 7500 rounds from a mini-gun into Jesus' inflated ass.
  • Karl Marx's predicted revolution finally happens. He is promptly restored from the grave to be praised.
  • Young Fuck or Buck is shot in Toronto 34728 times, survives.
  • On September 4th, 2008; an Inanimate Sponge absorbed a coffee spill.
  • Michael Jackson rapes the rapper Eminem and just loses it.
  • The Worst Country In The World is finally destroyed by You.
  • The World will end. History will still continue.
  • People FINALLY stop posting lame video game related stuffs on uncyclopedia.
  • God comes to earth to visit his favorite creation: the armadillos
  • Evil space monkeys become the dominant species on Mars jupiter and Yavin 4.
  • THBP actually gets laid.
  • New iThought machine invented to turn thoughts into reality. The Terminator becomes real and begins his time traveling hunt for Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  • You will wake up from the George W. Bush nightmare and yaddle: "This was just a nightmare". Of course, if you're lucky you'll awake to find that the Bill Clinton's wife is sucking your toes.
  • Tom "Buttplug" Cruise wins the Nobel Prize for Peace for finally disappearing up his own arsehole.
  • That ho you laid, Bethany, gets a vorarephilic dragon to eat you! Lose 100000 points.
  • Cthulhu is found dead in the coastal waters of Kansas.
  • Steve Ballmer is going to say Devolepers for 3455244343 years.
  • Mad Max and an unknown IP address fight in order to restore recorded history. They ended up teaming up to restore it together. Thus from now on, most of recorded history as we know it is just made up by them for some reason.
  • Oscar Wilde gets killed by a tomahawk to the head courtesy of Karl Marx.
  • It was revealed that Nostradamus foretold that Oscar Wilde would kick Karl Marx's ass. So the people restore him from his grave and Marx swiftly gets sent back to the grave where he came from.
  • Scientists realized the sun revolves around Fat Albert.
  • math is redefined to be exactly '3' as part of Bush's "no child left behind' program.
  • Kim Jong Jnr gets kicked out of the cabinet and lives with lepricorns- which are the old lepricons with leprosy
  • The Rock finally comes back to the WWE but announces his retirement the same day.
  • Punk will resurrect itself, with Steve Ignorant replacing Nick Blinko as Rudimentary Peni's vocalist and Nick will go on to become Crass' new vocalist. Johnny Rotten, however, gets run over by a tank.
  • Paris Hilton will die from asphyxiation via a cordless phone, then get hit by a parked car.
  • Metalcore kids/emo kids are forced into concentration camps in America.
  • Anna Nicole Smith's breast implants are on display at the Louvre.
  • The Southeastern portion of the United States decides to secede once again, only to be beaten into total submission two days later by a combined task force of Vegeta, Eddie Guerrero, Tom Morello, and Anna Nicole Smith's breast implants.
  • The Russians set fire to Moscow in a routine Moscow torching.
  • The Palestinians will conquer Israel and Kirstie Allie will eat the remaining nuclear arsenal the Israelis once possessed.
  • Osama bin Laden will come out of hiding, only to overthrow Fidel Castro of Cuba.
  • Rosie O'Donnell consumes the islands of Hawaii.
  • Van Halen will reunite again after a failed two-show reunion tour in 2007.
  • Lamb of God's Chris Adler will beat Slipknot's Joey Jordison in a unicycle race from Los Angeles, California to the war-torn Richmond, Virginia.
  • February 30th, 2008 : Super Smash Bros. Brawl will be released for 2,500,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,

000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 Pokedollars (without tax of 913789471474570125.1983 % against the World War 0). Sonic, Mewthree and Bush were is in the game !

  • Tuesday, November 11: Stephen Colbert is elected President. Hillary Clinton, who had previously managed to stay in the race after losing the Democratic primaries to Colbert by whining, literally shits her pants.
  • The events that occur in the video game Battlefield 2142 actually occur. With the developers realizing they were only a few years off, they slapped a sticker on the boxed changing the title to Battlefield 2008 and reset the price to $60 for their valiant efforts.
  • control of Earth was handed over to Miyoko Takac, making it compulsory for the Goo Goo Dolls to finally come to f*cking Australia! they also tour East Timor, New Guinea, Austria, Russia and Denmark.
  • Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama have an illegitimate monkey-child named zshim
  • The Matter Replicator is supposed to be invented

[edit] 2009

Uncyclopedia Notice: This year may or may not be the current year in two years

  • The surname Utumbu Makimbu gets copyrighted and all possessor of it will get destroyed by rocket propelled poisonous apple pies launched from a satellite ( codenamed RPPAPLS Utumbu Makimbu ).
  • Oprah Winfrey gets so fat it looks like a ball .
  • Nova Scotia declares war on Australia and Canada which starts a civil war in Canada which leads to the United States stealing there oil and Russia battling Mexico and which leads to the Canada war with all battles taking place in Nunavut.
  • Former US President George W. Bush reappears after disappearing around the time of the United States Presidential Election of 2008 and conquers the world. The details of this are unknown however it may be connected to his flaming flatuance problem and the retaliation taken against the attempted takeover of the world by poor people the previous year however it is rumored opposing liberals complained theirselves to death.
  • Jack Bauer kills 400 terrorists in Los Angeles with a single ammo clip.
  • The annual Nobel War Prize is cancelled due to war as the participants are busy blowing the crap out of each other.
  • The Welsh National anthem "Land of your mom" is written by Jame James and his son James on the site of the Pontypridd war memorial carpark.
  • Sir ######## Davey and Linus Torvalds discover the worlds first known plaque during a joint science fair project.
  • Who wants to kill Tom Jones ?, a popular variety tv show, is cancelled. The answer was everyone.
  • Falconry becomes the new black.
  • The US County Quarters Program releases its first series of commemoritive coins.
  • Harry Potter dies in Kent, England.
  • Hugh Jepherson Smythe Edgar Astor Rhapsody-in-Blue Trenchard III, 1st Viscount Trenchard of Mediocre Britain is born.
  • January 20 - Saddam Hussein, winner of the United States Presidential Election of 2008, is officially inaugerated as posthumous President of the United States.
  • Last known ######### dies. Extinction feared.
  • Cryogenically frozen Jesus found in Arizona lab.
  • The scourge known as Winter eradicated.
  • You finally move on from your divorce only to encounter the untimely death of your hamster.
  • Red Sox and White Sox merge to form Pink Sox (slightly gayer)
  • The 5th season of Lost still reveals nothing.
  • Pat Kenny suffers an untimely death after choking on his ego. A Nation mourns.
  • People still trying to understand and justify the existence of Psychology as a science... discipline... Religion... Sect.... whatever...
  • July 3- General Robert E. Lee wins the Second Battle of Gettysburg. People in the South celebrate by eating fried chicken and watermelon.
  • Finally, after a brief history of 6 years, Myspace.com shuts its doors forever. Riots consume the world.
  • A internet hilarity sensor is invented. It is put to use on various wiki sites in order to stop people posting things which are not funny. The original model comes with 'subtle', 'satirical' and 'ironic' settings. However, after a couple of months in circulation Vin Diesel and Mr T filters are added. It is praised by Bill Gates and Steve Jobs as 'The most essential piece of internet equipment ever invented.'
  • Russian President Putin recreates the USSR, the iron wall rises again separating a young German boy from his chocolate supply, 9,852,045 die.
  • 4th of July- Giant Pac Man eats EPCOT Globe. Ghosts begin flashing blue and white, and can now be eaten.
  • 90th of October- Everything comes to a sudden stop for no reason.
  • 32nd of December- The world is left held hostage by Keanu Reeves with one choice. Who will stomp tha yod?
  • Spring Solstice- The stars are aligned as great Cthulhu rises from the depths. Sushi experiences a decline in sales.
  • Miyoko's power as Ruler of Earth is revoked, and given to me, who makes sure that the Goo Goo Dolls don't just tour in Australia, but move to 3 Nelson Ave, Bronte. Rather close to me.

[edit] 2010

The year the comeback kid George W. Bush took back his 2004-2008 United Spades of Amerika presidency term from republican Saddam Hussein in a controversial game of I Spy. Among other things.

  • Mad Max and the unknown IP address find out that the further you go from the present, the harder it is to make up recorded history.
  • The RPPAPLS Utumbu Makimbu gets the Decade Bug(like the Millennium Bug , but happens every decade ) killing Oprah Winfrey and Jimmy Neutron , Boy Satan .

May 23 - Luigi kills Giga Bowser and loses his last life.

Nintendo 0th - Super Mario loses his last life. After this event, Bush decides to create a new month of 0 days after December, called Nintendo.

[edit] Background

Fat kids die from eating skinny ones in school yard fight. Since his embarrassing defeat to his arch-nemesis Saddam in 2008, President Bush had been plotting a way to take back the White House. In January of 2010, Bush and a crack team of scientologists developed the Mandate from God in a small lab with minimal animal testing. With this new weapon, and public support from Tom Cruise and the muppet Rolf Harris, Bush issued a challenge to Saddam on the international super station TBS.

[edit] The First Challenge

The main point of his televised stammering speech was to provoke intelligent discussion about the legitimacy of Saddam's presidency. Bush cited the well known fact that Saddam was born out of wedlock, thus making him illegitimate. Saddam responded, saying that Bush and the whole TBS network wasn't anywhere near Bury, England and challenged Bush to American Gladiators.

Bush refused the challenge stating that the TV show wasn't American enough. So he double dog dared Saddam to a game of I Spy. The Supreme Court ruled in favor of Bush and the game of I Spy was set to be aired live February 3rd, 2010 on TBS.

[edit] The Something Blue Seen Round The World

TBS tried to call the event Judgement Day 3, but the Governator threatened to sue Ashley Olsen, so they called it Dudjement Jay 3 instead. February 3rd came and went and the event was not aired. TBS spokeswoman Claire Redmond said, "Oops LOL." and the show was aired the following night. The broadcast stunned the world more than Janet Jackson accidentally giving birth during the Super Bowl.

What Saddam Spied:

  • A Band Aid brand bandage
  • A Monkey on roller skates
  • A Pony

What Bush Spied:

  • A Book on Origami Kama Sutra
  • The U.S. Constitution on fire
  • A Smurfette

Unfortunately for Saddam, Bush's scientologists discovered that he is colorblind and gets confused when a Smurfette stands on top of a pastry. Bush's top agent Rolf, disguised as a waiter, snuck in a Smurfette with Saddam's on air meal of Wheaties and bagels. During the third round of I Spy, Saddam was unable to successfully identify the Smurfette as being blue.

With nothing more than his little eye, Bush had cast a Shadow of Doubt (+5 vs. Mad Dictators) on Saddam's presidency. Bush then rolled out the next phase of his Mandate, called Plan Bee.

[edit] Plan Bee: The Do Over

Bush, having embarrassed Saddam, ditched TBS in favor of the Lifetime channel and made a public announcement asking the Amerikan public for a do over. He felt he didn't get a fair second term in 2004-2008. Exactly 50% of the people agreed and contacted their congressional representatives with baskets of kittens and expensive 900 number phone calls.

Congressman Tom Delay introduced the Do Over Act, which proposed that Stephen Hawking must construct a time machine large enough for the whole planet to fit in, that must take everyone back to 2004 so Bush can redo his second term and have a better chance of defeating Saddam in 2008.

As usual, the democrats scrambled to get the bill passed while the republicans blocked it at every pass. Bush complained and threw a fit, so his mother gave him some warm milk to sleep better with. While he was napping, Barbara Bush politely asked Congress to reconsider the bill. The Immortal Senator Orrin Hatch said to Barbara Bush, that if she was really sincere, she would perform the Truffle Shuffle during his lunch break. She obliged, and after the ensuing mess, the Do Over Act was passed with flying colors.

Senator Hillary Clinton contacted Stephen Hawking on his Blackberry and quite politely demanded a time machine be built. Mr. Hawking, having nothing to do with time travel or any form of theoretical science, told her to STFU and suggested Amerika force everyone in the world to buy 2004 calendars from his web based calendar business and pretend it's 2004. Senator Clinton thought that was a smashing idea and brought peyote and gin to the celebration party. George W. Bush was voted Miss Life of the Party for the 33rd year in a row.

[edit] The Arrestation without Taxation...no, Representation...no, Saddam Is Deported

Saddam Hussein was deported back to Iraq and is currently being held in an undisclosed location by forces of the Coalition of the Willing. He will be held there until his trial for war crimes or by January 2007(the second time around) so he can begin his campaign for 2008 President of the United Spades of Amerika, whichever comes first.

[edit] The Consequences of the Do Over

A notable scientist once said, "For every action, there is an equal yet opposite reaction by President Bush to ban abortion."

January of 2004 (take two), Bush is re-resworn in as President of the USA. The people of Australia, the only country to reject the Do Over, are shipped to the UK and are forced to swear allegiance to Her Majesty the Queen's Royal Sewing Kit. The former Australians were rather dismayed as they would like to see Her Majesty the Queen knit more practical things like socks and caps than the tie dyed tea cozies she is so fond of.

[edit] The Other Stuff

Other important facts about the year 2010.

  • January 6 - Uranus was officially renamed in order to end vulgar jokes about the planet. It is now called Urectum.
  • July 10 - John Lennon resurrected himself and joined Paul McCartney, Sting, and that blond guy from the Beach Boys to form Beatles 2. Lennon's new band was unable to tour in the USA due to the 2006(take two) No Zombie Act. The band later fell apart due to creative differences between Paul and their tour mascot, Scruffles the Dog.
  • Sweden and Finland ended their marriage separation by renewing their wedding vows. Quebec has yet to return the couple's child, Norway.
  • My neighbor was caught digging through my trash again. For punishment, the Karma Overlord gave him cooties.
  • October 16 - Astronauts Roy Schneider and That Old British Chick who Likes to Get Naked arrive at Jupiter and save the Earth from an attack by Keir Dullea.
  • An army of billions of Dutch zombie soldiers will arrive in big orange spaceships and make everybody wear turquoise colored clothing. They almost completely conquer the entire world with the exception of Glasgow and the central belt in Scotland whose inhabitants were just too tooled up and violent for even a Zombie army to take on and of course through the massive amount of experience they have with dealing with Neds, who have similar IQ's to Zombies
  • May 5 - Mexico invaded China. .
  • All of Dick Cheney's hair is finally lost, and he starts hosting Deal or No Deal after Howie quits when the banker doesn't offer him enought money. Unfortunatley, Deal or No deal goes to war with Are you smarter than a 5th Grader, and gets trillions of dollars in debt. And almost every guest gets shot in the face, so it is sadly canncelled. And Dick Cheney becomes a Wal-Mart greeter.
  • July 10th: Myspace re-opens its doors because Satan assraped Tom for closing such a website Satan himself used for fapping material, along with 4chan.
  • The Chicago Cubs win the World Series...therefore making it official that hell has frozen over.

[edit] 2011

  • The first of the 12 year olds invading the internet discovers how to get online and, after discovering the mathematical equasion , announces to the world "YAY!!!! I TOLD YOU SOMETHING!!! WHAT THEN CRACKER!?!?!?!". Sadly he is the first of many...
  • A new strain of super-AIDS is constructed by Pat Robertson and is widely available to Christians who feed it to the poor.
  • Bluto starts the psych-rock label Elaphant 6 with the help of his former cellmate Jeff Magnum.
  • Boris Johnson is awarded the Nobel War Prize.
  • March 1 - The Caribbean island nation of Rastanesia is established.
  • Rugby World Cup 2011 is held in New Zealand, where several teams are conveniently eaten by Sheep
  • People learn to use spell check
  • Ghengis Khan is revived by the Society of People with Abnormally Large Egos, and is called upon to summon the Mongol Hordes and crush the world, in order to establish the new government by the Maniacal Society of Evil Elephants.
  • Country music becomes popular after Mike Patton and John Cage make an album recorded entirely in an empty warehouse on a rainy winter day while eating fried chicken on a reel-to-reel tape recorder, with only a banjo and a mule as instruments.
  • Country Music dies after Jesus Christ sells out on recording a country album. He should've just stuck to Christian Death Metal.
  • Being Canadian becomes illegal in Canada. The first known illegal activity ever recorded in canadian history.
  • Bush finally gets the joke.
  • ASDA attempt to take over UK parliament, but The Almighty Empire of Tesco defeats them (and their evil plan)
  • Apple purchases Hell from Sony. iPods are now powered by your soul.
  • The Sun will make electric shit not work
  • A 12 year old, after discovering the mathematical equation math, announces to the world "YAY!!!! I TOLD YOU SOMETHING!!! WHAT THEN CRACKER!?!?!?!".
  • Bluto starts the psych-rock label Elaphant 6 with the help of his former cellmate Jeff Magnum.
  • Boris Johnson is awarded the Nobel War Prize.
  • March 1 - The Caribbean island nation of Rastanesia is established.
  • Rugby World Cup 2011 is held in New Zealand, where several teams are conveniently eaten by Sheep
  • People learn to spell...
  • Ghengis Khan is revived by the Society of People with Abnormally Large Egos, and is called upon to summon the Mongol Hordes and crush the world, in order to establish the new government by the Maniacal Society of Evil Elephants.
  • Slappy's Angels 3 becomes available on general release.
  • "The George W. Bush Presidency: The Complete First Season" DVD set is released.
  • Harry Potter becomes bald.
  • The PS3 finally reaches its potential. Finally.
  • San Diego Zoo has a new edition. George Bush a Chimpanzee is brought to the zoo from the white house (zoo).

[edit] 2012

When 12-year-old girls were accidentally given the Right to Vote, Sanjaya won the American Presidency in a landslide.
When 12-year-old girls were accidentally given the Right to Vote, Sanjaya won the American Presidency in a landslide.
  • February 29th, The Toronto Maple Leafs FINALLY win the Stanley cup, it is then stolen by ninjas.
  • The 2012 London Olympics happen and mysteriously everyone disappears for a few seconds.
  • April- ether 1st or 12th world comes to an end. Damn Mayans.
  • April 13, Omacron Perci 8 and Mars selebrate.
  • Tom Cruise makes a remarkable re-appearance from his own arsehole after being MIA for 4 years. Unfortunately he had not learned his lesson and continued to spout fountains of pish about Scientology and quickly paid a visit to Operah's sofa as he had nuts like watermelons from being away for 4 years.
  • Katie Holmes catches Tom in the act with Operah's Sofa and finally summons up the courage to strangle the rancid little prick - The following trial jury returns a "not guilty" verdict on basis of justifiable homicide.
  • November 1st - Edmonton Eskimos FINALLY miss the Playoffs in the CFL. a Party is thrown around the rest of the League for a week! to celebrate this achievement!
  • December 12th - The Ancient Mayans are PROVED FUCKING WRONG! Robert Jordan finally finishes his God Danmed Book and is immediately burned alive by 5600 angry readers who thought he should have finshed it 200 years earlier.
  • December 13th - Beginning of the Fourth Age of Man (The Age of Marketing). Oprah celebrates by sacrificing a kitten on national T.V. Jesus Christ is reborn as homeless guy from the Bronx named Mel. The 5600 readers who burned Robert Jordan alive commit suicide when they realize that it will be another 10,500 years before anything interesting happens on this God Damned Rock.
  • December 14th - "Earth Riding" is popularized by actor Matthew McConaughey as he sets a saddle down on the ground and sits upon it. He then starts drinking beer and stating country colloquialisms like: "Don't make a straight line crooked." and "If you claim not to remember it, it's not incest."
  • Mel Gibson suffers greatly when his pick-up truck crashes into a concrete bollard which rips of his foreskin making him into a neo-jew, Mel is taken into the priory to prevent suicide.
  • Also December 14th- My Birthday. I am sad and lonely.
  • Idea's for movies had run short. The best (and only) movie released this year was titled "Popcorn". It was a movie about a man watching a movie,occasionally getting up to go to the toilet. 2 hours of watching a man watch a movie. Critics state:
'Breathtaking'
'Absolutly inserational'
'Home never seems so near'
'Where is the butter'

...As you can see this movie cause quite a movement.

  • The trio of the Terminator, Mike Jones and Snoop Dogg regain control of the world
  • Lastly. The world ends. Then it mysteriously comes back. As a giant fishbowl.


[edit] January 1, 2012

  • Oscar Wilde is now 158 years old, and has trouble remembering things. Like the date. Or what a date is.

"When the hell is a January 1, 2012???"

▬Oscar Wilde.

A day to be feared. It is common knowledge that on this day The Floating Sandwich Creature is to come down to our great planet of Earth and engage in a great battle against the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The Floating Sandwich Creature is Monsterism's Satan. As predicted by Nostradamus▬a little-known Pastapharian▬predicted January 1, 2012, as follows:

"On this day, for the first five hours, the sky will turn black as my sister's beady eyes. Those horrible, horrible eyes... Of course then he will appear for the world to see▬revealed for the first time in millenia. Then follows the hellish rain of horrible condiments, assorted cheeses, vegetables, and thin meats that only His Savoriness knows. It is then the fight of all existence▬in HDTV and Dolby sound; for all the Universe to see and hear▬will take place on Mt. Everest."

▬Nostradamus.

Historical documentations vary as much as the color of the rainbow, but the most likely scenario was most likely this: after the climax of the prediction had been mouthed by Nostradamus his mother then called to him and said, "Nostradamus, dear▬come up for dinner and put away that Dungeons & Dragons game, you've been playing it for days!" This then inspired an argument between Nostradamus and his mother. Five days after he was kicked out and forgot the remaining conclusion of his prediction.

  • Controversy - When Nostradamus's quotes were originally published in the National Enquirer people laughed around the world. Monsterism had been brought to shame. Once the alleged "silly" beliefs of Monsterism were brought back into the focus of the modern world, Tom Cruise then denied all their beliefs and jumped on Oprah's couch in a fit of rage. This was considered to be the Dark Ages of the religion; now that pop culture had called it names it now had to sit in class at the back row. Next, of course, to the Raeliens.

Historians the world over could not write this date in history books, as their laughter was making it difficult to cross their T's and dot their I's. With so much trial and error in writing a simple overview of the event demand for fountain pens was three times greater than the supply. With so much laughter came lots of accidental ink spilling.

The National Enquirer controversy did attract some members to Monsterism. Non-conformists of all kinds had been intruiged with the newly discovered religion. It was different; it was unique; and most importantly▬it was nearly dead and therefore cool. This then created the "Scene Monsterism," which was composed mainly on Black and White.

However, this controversy spawned another religion entirely: Creaturism. This new religion was composed entirely of Punk Rockers and Gangstas. The Punk Rocker spectrum of Creaturism would commonly use the phrase "Creaturism's not dead, it's just taking a vacation." The Gangsta spectrum of Creaturism invented the famous rivalry of "Creatahs vs. Monstahs." The fights were often won by Creaturists because FSCism condomed violence completely; however, Monsterists lost because they were pious and non-violent people.

Also a metereor twinkie falls to earth,thats just the way it is.

[edit] December 21, 2012

  • Pope Benedict XVI dies of a myordial infarcation. Pope Peter II succeeds him, and "will feed his sheep in many tribulations; and when these things are finished, the seven-hilled city will be destroyed, and the terrible Judge will judge his people. The End."
  • Fammed "Fat Lady" will sing. Most likley some selection from Rent or Titanic: The Musical. It is rumored her actual identity is none other than the maniacal love-child of Dr Phil and Oprah.
  • Last of the lost Incas die by their prediction. Mysterious earthquakes happen around Central America but most of the world is unharmed.
  • End of the entire world, everyone worrying about the end of the world - an angry mob goes to Chuck Norris' house to complain. They are met by a roundhouse kick.

[edit] December 31, 2012

  • Tyler Durden overthrows Afrika Bambaata and the Zulu Nation.
  • Cannabis is legalized worldwide with no restrictions. The drug war is ove