2012
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“That's a bit shit. What's it supposed to be?”
~ Everyone on seeing the new logo.
“How Much?”
~ Everyone (again) on hearing that it cost £400 000.00.
“Thank God I won't be in charge by then. The Tories can short it out. It's payback for what they did to me with the Millenium Dome ”
~ Tony Blair on Hearing the London Bid Had Won.
“O O! We 'ave really stuck it to zose rostbif fou-elles zis time”
~ The French on Hearing they had managed to dump the games on London
King David V of Beckham won the right to stage the 2012 Olympics in a narrow victory over the French at the battle of Agincourt in 1415.
However due to delays the actual games won’t take place until 2012 making the project almost (but not quite) as late as the new Wembley Stadium or “Ye Newe Stadiumae for Ye Hamlet of Wem-by-Lee” as that project described in the Domesday Book (1086).
The honour of hosting a sporting competition of the World’s finest athletes competing for personal and national glory is highly sought after. Unfortunately London didn’t get the FIFA World Cup and has been suckered in to wasting billions staging a silly playground competition to see who can run the fastest and hundreds of other sports no more worthwhile than an egg and spoon race.
Essentially all the countries send their team to the Olympic village and the least liked are sent home at the end of each week based on a telephone vote. During their stay they are set a series of trivial challenges like “who can run the fastest”, “jump the highest”, etc. to keep them amused.
It is common practice to spend more on the opening and closing ceremonies that many countries do on health care in a year, but for some reason no one is ashamed.
Contents |
[edit] Logo Controversy
Main article: Epilepsy
The logo was quickly withdrawn when it was found to cause an emetic response in people with any sense of taste.
[edit] Business Plan
The Olympic flame will be fuelled with £50 notes bringing the total cost of the event to around £20 000 000 000.00 by the end of next week.
A stated aim of the Olympics is to get young people to take more exercise. However this could be achieved much more cost effectively by nailing a Big Mac and fries to the back of a car and driving it around residential areas.
==Other facts about 2012==The end of the world is in August 21*As well as hosting the London Olympics, 2012 is also a year, temporally located somewhere in between 2011 and 2150.*Slappy's Angels airs on the Fox Bros. Network.*the Pwn War ended in 2012.*The Mozilla Firefox will be eaten by the Sun in 2012.*It is the largest number obtainable by adding the numbers 938 and 1074 together.*Ghengis Khan invents the Pinkie Swear.*Dogs will mate with cats and create the ultimate breed of animals in 2012.*The Mayan Sixth World begins in 2012, after having been Fucking Kill™ed by Steve Ballmer. Their Fifth World ended in 1987, also Fucking Kill™ed by Steve Ballmer. Astonishingly, this is not a joke, although it does seem to present a slight flaw in their calculations by quietly skimming over 25 years of existence and not mentioning Steve Ballmers role in the Apocalypse. The Sixth World is apparently blank, and begins at the end of the Mayan Long Count, which some have interpreted as the end of the world.*The University of Berkeley, California intends to reach Mars by 2012, a quest which will be rendered pointless in 2009 when the University of Elysium Planitia, Mars reaches California.*Some poor kid will be born with gills and live in a toilet for the first 2 years of his sorry life... sucker...*Terence Mckenna's timewave graph goes into the negative in 2012, suggesting it's about fucking time to lay off the crack, cause time is like, going backwards, dude, seriously, I'm seeing some funky stuff right now.*The 2012 Winter Olympics may or may not be held in I Don't Give A, Heck. Guy Pierce, the Mayor of I Don't Give A relied heavily on the quotes of Oscar Wilde to try and ensure victory for his wonderful city.*The now famed 3 Monkeys Of Peace will be murdered by Tom Cruise*Pigs first learned to fly on October 26. This caused mass chaos. The Chicago Cubs won the World Series. The Minnesota Vikings actually won a playoff game. Etc., Etc.*The polar ice caps will melt and oceans will rise by 100 metres (-47.25 Feet). Half the population grows gills and live under the sea with Ariel.*Unbeknownsed to the outside world a mad scientist created a time machine and used it to send the entire universe ahead 1000000000000 years creating an inevitable time loop.*The second term of Conan O'Brien of precidency of Conelandia will end. Unfortunately, Tarja Halonen will STILL look like him.*The Great Tire War of 2012 will begin and end in 2012. Most of mankind will be destroyed.*Scientists realized that ham was the culrpit of Ham Disease.
[edit] The 2012 Olympics
- In 2012 the Olympics will be hosted in Happy-land, not Britain, Happy-land. Britain declares herself an independent nation due to this. Then realizes she already is.
- January 19-potato salad enslaves the human race.Beneath the potato salad is Heinz ketchup who is the potato salads adviser. Then comes mustard who is in charge of federal affairs and relations.He dies upon arrival to Pakistan.
[edit] World Domination
There has been fortold that the world shall end in this very year. Though a lot of people will most likely die, one person named Daniël. Who has been spreading rumours around of his vision. Taking over the world in this year, he has divised such a plan that it can not fail. The ancient mayans have fortold his path, he will most likely work it out and succeed. This will be a year of loss and gain for everyone who survives!
The only thing that is known is that this person resides in the Netherlands.
Remember his name!
