9 11
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
 A message from Al Qaeda |
- Thirsty? Perhaps you were looking for 9-Eleven?
“JENGAAAA!”
~ Osama Bin Laden on 9/11
“Terrorists - Win ”
~ Counter-Strike Commentator on 9/11
“JENGA! attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America, which is built upon finely crafted legos. These acts shattered steel, but they cannot dent the 305,265,210 plastic bricks of American resolve. ”
~ George Bush on 9/11
On September 11 (or possibly November 9), 2001, three planes crashed into the Twin Towers as part of a promotional stunt for JENGA! blocks. The pilots were trained in the U.S. and believed that they would ascend to heaven where God would grant them 72 giant JENGA! blocks each. This event was the biggest JENGA! recorded on American soil ever, and set a guiness world record.
America rightly placed blame for the incident on the CEO of JENGA! at the time, a Mr.Osama Bin Laden. Americans everywhere flew their flags at half staff for their beloved killed by corporate greed and the willingness to destroy two big buildings for advertisement (even though deep in your heart you know it looked cool). Naturally, the attack backfired and the United States Congress along with George Bush and Dick Cheney declared a "War on JENGA!" and passed the Patriot Act.
The event was never mentioned again in American politics. EVER. In fact, why are we talking about it right now? You will have a visit from the National Guard within the following hour.
Contents |
National Crank Call Day
9/11 is also National Telephone the Operator and Drive the First Aid Squad Nuts Day, due to the national crank call number being 911. Many humorous crank calls were received in New York City on this day in 2001, all of which reported hellish carnage and unimaginable scenes of death. 9/11 dispatchers later thanked the numerous callers for sharing their sense of humor with them, and for giving them one little laugh in their long, boring lives.
9/11 in Other Countries
In many other countries such as Canada and the United Kingdom, the 9/11 attacks are recognized by the people as the 11/9 attacks. The reason is that Canadians and many other inhabitants of the world write the day in this format: DD/MM. This has been stirring controversy, making the United States grant to United Airlines the name of the attack. Therefore, the airlines can now decide what the day is called, and strictly enforce this name among NAFTA and WTO trading agreements. The name United Airlines chose was of course, the 9/11 attacks.
Black Box Excerpt from 9/11
The following is a harrowing radio conversation recovered from the black box of the first plane, this left the country angry and with many questions such as why the towers werent built of the same stuff that black boxes are. What follows is an actual transcript, it may not be suitable for illiterates:
Pilot: Hmmm that cloud over there looks nice
Co-Pilot: Yes it is so white an----
[large bang, then scuffling sounds followed by moaning]
JENGA! Employee: HELLO FAA, WE HAVE CONTROLL OF YOUR PLANE PREPARE TO TAKE YOUR BLOCK OUT
FAA air controller: What?
JENGA! Employee: WE HAVE HIJACKED YOUR PLANE
FAA air controller: HAAHAHAHAHAHA.... not funny get back to work guys I already got two of these calls
JENGA! Employee: Okay lets go guys
Other JENGA! Employee: LETS DOO THIS!!!
[faint background noise]: LETSSSSS ROLLLLLLLLLLL
JENGA! Employee: Um they are trying to stop our JENGA!
Other JENGA! Employee: SPRAY YOUR MACE
[sounds of struggle]
JENGA! Employee: Okay they're done for- whats this
Other JENGA! Employee: Our assiosiates appear to have completed the one of the JENGA! before us
JENGA! Employee: JENGGGAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
[Crassshhhhhh]
Conspiracy Theories Facts
There are numerous conspiracy theories related to the events of 9/11, most of which reside within the internets. The most common conspiracy theories are as follows:
White House Framing Plot
This thoery states that George Bush or Dick Cheney owned stock in JENGA! and wanted the promotional stunt to happen and make him loads of money and that he co-ordinated the entire thing.
Controlled Demolition theory
This theory, postulates that the twin towers were brought down by an explosive device of sufficient yeild, most likely planted by the JENGA! employees, in order to make it the biggest JENGA! ever. If true, this thoery would make it not a JENGA! collaspe at all, and rather just an ordinary, run of the mill, terrorist attack.
See also
- World Trade Center
- 9/11 (video game)
- Comedy
- Lessons of 9/11
- Quit Your Job Day
- 911 sequel
- Nine Eleven
- The Truth about 9/11
- Twin Towers
- 9-Eleven
| This article is part of the recognizing 9/11 campaign. NEVAR 4GET, BITCHES!! Well, Australia did not forget it, as she fought terrorism with the USA | ||
 | ||
|
| ||
