ASBO
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[edit] 'ASBO - means Has Body Odour
People are nototious for bastardising anything and everything that they can to prove to themselves and the rest of the uninterested world that they are capable of streamlining methods of doing things - such as speaking - the words "Don't - for do not" and "Can't for Cannot")
The phrase "'ASBO" simply implies that the person stinks worse than a skunk licking the shit out of haemophilliac's colostomy bag.
Or put less offensively that they have BAD BO. For example one person may say to another "That person "'as BO"
Politicians removed the apostrophe and space, uppercased the A & S and the word ASBO was coined.
The word is usually associated to people who are either just generally dirty scummy phlegmlings* who pilfer and blag their ways through life with an avoidance and blindness to most others perceptions of socialogicality.
- A 'phlegmling' is a person born from spit, typically granted life by a) Rugby players who think it is hard and clever to spit - dirty fuckers (get them some Andrex on the pitch), or b) by everyday people walking around. In order for the spit to be turned into an actual entity 5 things must first happen to it 1) pissed on my male seagul who'se just had a shag (in both contexts) whose seminal fluids are still present inside the cock. 2)Ingestion by a pregnant canine, feline or most other animals. 3) A kennel or a well padded doorway 4) Lots of dead insects.
After just 6 weeks a full size phlegmling is ready to tackle the outside world by itself. They can live up to an age of 200 years and often hide hidden upsidedown in rafters of passages and alleyways. -SMZ
[edit] A Stupid Black 'Orse
[edit] Aggravated Sodding Bastard Order
Law of the shire of Wilt (aka Wiltshire) in England created in 1050 to prevent marauding members of the landed gentry of Kent from kicking several shades of excrement out of the local population in the West Country. Recipients of such need to satisfy at least one of the following criteria:
- Wearing hooded sweatshirts
- Wearing Burberry
- Emigrating to the Southern United States
- Wear a baseball cap in an unconventional manner, such as tilted 45 degrees to the left and 30 degrees upward
- Eating babies
- Use of the words bruv, brah, mint, or bangin'.
- Being a teenager
- Standing still in more than one place for 10 seconds
The punishment was at one time to perform community service for the local elderly, although in recent, more civilised times this has been reduced to having one's right foot sawn off.
[edit] Arse Smelling Body Odour
ASBO is more commonly used in the UK as an acronym for Arse Smelling Body Odour, an immersion treatment used by Family Courts to treat people suffering, for example, from Uncontrollable Anger Syndrome UAS, and to keep such marginalised family members at bay. Culprits are led to a special 'BO' chamber where they are forced to eat tellurium and left to lie in a pool of impregnating odour compound for several hours. When they emerge, these unfortunates are immediately wrapped in cling-film, which is to protect the warders. Once outside the gates, the cling-film is whisked away and the individuals left to fend for themselves. The body odour induced by this treatment lasts for several months and is so appalling that culprits are forced to take refuge in old people's homes - where most inmates have no sense of smell, and the staff are inured to exposure to any type of odour. Ordinary people encountering ASBO-affected people have described the smell as worse than the worst kind of carnivore ordure, and have indicated that it invokes a nerve reaction that causes them to catch their breath and then retch uncontrollably for several minutes. People who have been subject to ASBO treatment reportedly never get used to it themselves and vomit constantly. In the UK, the Family Courts operate outside the remit of the Human Rights Act, and the imposition of involuntary ASBO treatment as ordered by the court is deemed to be a fair and practical medical treatment for dysfunctionalism, UAS and for being too nice in the face of fabricated allegations against them. David Stockly is one of the worst anti-social body odur crime offenders in the living history. His shower times are usually when we have spun round the sun once. and he has a "waxy" cuticle layer around his entire body!! which prevents moisture entering his skin
[edit] Anti-Social Behaviour Order
The first recorded ASBO was against Martin Luther, the leader of the Protestant Reformation. Holy Roman Emperor Charles V decreed that Luther was not allowed within 20 yards of the pope, and he had to be in his bed by 8pm sharp.
In modern times, This Order of the Realm was created by The Duke of Edinburgh, who was also it's first appointment as a Knight of the Realm of the Anti-Social Behaviour Order for his services to racism, diplomacy, and (anti-)cultural diversity. Apart from hating the Chinese, the Hungarians, the Italians, Scottish cooks, he even has time to spare to hate those less fortunate, such as Muslims.
[edit] Retail
ASBO is also the name of a chain of supermarkets operating in the UK. ASBO (Aggravated Shopping Brand Outlet) is famous for it's non working trolleys and their magic store layout. The magic store layout was introduced in 1210 and consists of products disappearing off shelves and randomly appearing elsewhere in the shop. It has since been made compulsory in all supermarkets. The trolleys are all equipped with NEGRO (Non-Existent Guiding Rotary Operation) which enables shoppers to crash into displays, other shoppers and generally go where they don't want to.
[edit] Trivia
The ASBO is a great start for career criminals, since not only can they not argue against them at the court hearing, let alone appeal against them when issued, they're also a great way of getting a criminal record without actually committing a crime.
Since ASBOs were invented they became very popular with the working class and the population of Croydon. This popularity has spilled over into chav culture to the extent that 97% of pit bull terriers and other vicious dogs purchased in Croydon over the past 3 years were named 'ASBO', in preference for the previously desirable 'Tyson'.
Fareham College, UK is one of the only places where they have a 100% pass rate in ASBO; thus, making it the highest pass rate in their history and the only qualification they actually give out.
An ASBO to a chav is just like an Oscar to an actor.
Barmy British Stuff 
