ATM

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“Easiest fruit machine I ever played!”

~ Curmudgeon on ATMs

All dogs use ATMs.

Acronym for ass to mouth machine, this apparatus invented by Martians in cooperation with the United States is used to leave humans (to them the apparatus is known as "Antiastigmatism Training Machine") under the impression that they test their sight by typing in numbers via a very small I/O interface whilst actually being forced to believe that a positive test result will be followed by a payment immediately made by the machine.

In fact the product delivered by the machine is known as money (mankind only needs extreme yield) used by the Martians and a secret United States community to preserve the humans' drive to obey enslaving systems. This procedure has found followers in almost every country known, so the secret community gets a share of every portion transferred.

As large amounts of cash are stored within, ATMs run on failsafe software.

ATM is also an acronym for Anachronic Transvestite Marine, a concept invented by the Dalai Lama because he wanted space marines to wear 1800s clothes and pevert culture by calling a man Jayne.

In rare cases, this also stands for Atomic Time Machine, but you really don't want one of those. Banks are scary enough in three dimentions. On Wednesdays and Sundays, ATM stands for Altruistic TriBeCa Matron.