A Separate Peace
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“Homosexuality? Such a foolish ploy by a foolish fool who so foolishly craves attention from other foolish fools whom they have never met.”
~ Franziska Von Karma on A Separate Peace
“Dear lord! This book is gayer than I am!”
~ Gayest man alive on A Separate Peace
A Separate Peace (Originally titled "A Separate Peace of Man Meat") is the story of a young homosexual male who attends an all-boy school called "The Devon School". The story takes place somewhere in New Hampshire during World War II.
Contents |
[edit] A Separate Peace (of Man Meat)
This book was originally titled "A Separate Peace of Man Meat". It was originally a gay porn novel written by Abraham Lincoln in his "wild days". Lincoln spent many nights writing the epic story in an attempt to show the world that there was nothing wrong with being gay.
[edit] Lincoln's Undoing
Afraid that Lincoln's book would get more publicity then his, renowned homosexual activist John Wilkes Booth killed Lincoln and stole his story in an effort to obtain the better novel. After the heinous act, Mr. Booth proceeded to jump onto the stage from the President's Box in an effort to escape, breaking his leg in the effort. Shortly after, he went to see the Doctor to get his leg fixed.
Immediately after getting it published under the pseudonym "John Knowles", Booth was arrested for assassinating the President of the United States. Isn't it funny how life works?
“Oops.”
~ John Wilkes Booth on Unknowingly Assassinating a President
[edit] Edited for Content
Despite being hardcore gay porn, the fact could not be avoided that (for the most part) very well written. Because of this, schools began to consider offering it as required reading in their Literature classes. However due to the slightly inappropriate nature of porn, this idea was doomed from the start. As such, an abridged version, cleverly retitled "A Separate Peace", was created. This edition removed all homosexual elements from the story, yet still managed to retain its overall plot.
[edit] Remaining Homosexual Elements
Even though the book was harshly edited, some of the original rampant, flaming homosexuality can be seen in a couple sections of the text.
“Phineas, in exaltation, balancing on one foot on the prow of a canoe like a river god, his raised arms invoking the air to support him,face transfigured, body a complex set of balances and compensations, each muscle aligned in perfection with all the others to maintain thos supreme fantasy of achievement. his skin slowing between river and sky as though he had transcended gravity and might by gently pushing upward with his foot glide a little wat higher and remain suspended in space, encompassing all the glory of the summer and offering it to the sky.”
~ A Separate Peace; Page 67
“"Over your head? Pink! It makes you look like a fairy!”
~ A Separate Peace; Page 24
“The flaps of his [Brinker's] garbine jacket parted slightly over his healthy rump, and it is that, without any sense of derision at all, that I recall as Brinker's salient characteristic, those healthy, determined, not over-exaggerated but definite and substantial buttocks.”
~ A Separate Peace; page 79
These quotes are almost all that remains of the original gay manuscript. After that last quote, Gene pounces on Brinker, and they engage in hardcore anal sex right there in the hallway.
[edit] Cheat Codes
[edit] Secret Beach scene
Enter "Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start". You should hear Gene sigh if you did it right. You will unlock the hidden beach porn scene. The two pages will magically appear between page 40 and 41 in which Finny and Gene engage in hardcore anal sex... on the beach...
[edit] Translate book into 1337
Enter "Up, Up, Right, East, Triangle, 4, 18, Gold". This will translate the entire book into "1337 5|o34|<"
[edit] Go directly to last page
Flip the book over so that the back side is facing up. Open the book and turn back three pages. You will be directly at the last page without even having to start at the first page or use a bookmark to save your progress.
[edit] The Devon School
The main setting for the book is The Devon School. It is an all-boy school where every student is a boy and there are no girls. Anywhere. Contrary to popular belief, The Devon School is not a school for people named Devon, but rather a school where young boys are taught to become more Devon-ish. They learn the basic rules of being a Devon and upon graduation are allowed to legally change their name to Devon.
The school emphasizes two main points:
It should be noted that they only play gay sports at The Devon School, such as Badminton, Croquet, and the slightly more manly Extreme Tea Parties.
[edit] Peace Breaks Out and Allegations of Homosexuality
Because of the inappropriate nature of the book, many suspected Knowles of being homosexual himself. Though he denied it many times, people still refused to accept that the writer of a gay porn novel could possibly be straight.In 1981, he sought to shake off these allegations once and for all by releasing "Peace Breaks Out". This book was a lesbian porn novel, the most straight thing Knowles could come up with.
However, in an effort to prove once and for all to Knowles that history is destined to repeat itself, this too got edited, but this time the edits were much more severe.
[edit] Edits to the story
"Peace Breaks Out" had much more drastic changes than its predecessor. The story, originally about an all girls school and the awkward feelings associated with lesbianism, was made to be about a teacher who returns to Devon. And of course, some of the gay lines were left in, leading some to believe it to be another gay porn.
[edit] John Knowles
Perhaps you have noted that John Wilkes Booth is transcribed as the original author who used the pseudonym "John Knowles". However, later "Knowles" is reported to have written the spiritual sequel in 1981, more than 100 years after John Wilkes Booth's death.
In 1973, a man named Jim Pickertt stole the name "John Knowles" and claimed to be the author. Nobody called Pickertts's bluff because Americans were too stupid to realize that people don't generally live for 100 years after their reported death.
The tragic thing is, somebody out there who really is named John Knowles is not going to be happy when his neighbors start calling him gay.
[edit] One Question Still Remains
Through all of this turmoil, the question of how Lincoln knew World War II would happen still lingers. Many believe it was simply a lucky guess... Well, not lucky for the Jews, but lucky for him. However, many people have cited this book as evidence that Lincoln predicted World War II. However, he was not alone.
[edit] Lincoln's Prediction
As previously stated, Lincoln spent many nights working on this novel. Lincoln actually wrote the book in less than an hour, masturbating all the time during the process. The bulk of Lincoln's time was spent scouring Nostradamus' Big Ass Book of Predictions for some kind of event in the future. Through great effort, Lincoln was able to interpret this quatrain by Nostradamus:
“For forty years the rainbow will not appear/ The world put into trouble by three brothers/ A strange number, tears from the hooded men/ Lincoln, if you're reading this you'd better not plagiarize me.”
~ Nostradamus on World War II
In an effort to give Nostradamus a better idea of how irony works, he ignored Nostradamus' advice. What did Lincoln get to show for it? A piece of lead through his medulla. Perhaps if he had read the quatrain immediately following that one, the whole thing never would have happened.
“Do not fear the idea thief/ His trial shall be swift and just/ With a fatal wound upon thy head/ Lincoln, your ass is pwnd.”
~ Nostradamus on Lincoln plagiarizing him
This is a perfect example of karma. Don't piss off Nostradamus.
