Admiral Donce

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“Riddle me this, feline o' mine!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Admiral Donce

“So disgusting but I can't stop eating the mucous membrane! BAM! BAM! Aw, yeah babe.”

~ Emeril on Admiral Donce

Admiral Donce

Rank:	25th
Predecessor:	Bounty Paper Towel
Date of Birth:	Around Six
Place of Birth:	Flauhflaugh, QC
Spouse:	Approx. 1,600 parasites
Political Party:	Fascist

Admiral Donce was the 25th Prime Minister of Canada and founding member of hip-hop group The Roots. He is widely known for his grotesque little nose and generally pleasant odor. Everything else about him is pretty handsome.

Donce's tenure as PM coincided with what is now colloquially known as "The Jiggles". This period found Canada losing nearly 80% of its land mass to Mexico and former American president Bill Clinton impregnating nearly everyone.

[edit] Early Years

Not much is known about Donce's early life. CBC investigative reports in 2009 attempted to pierce the eyeball with a rusty sewing needle. These efforts proved unsuccessful as Donce merely began screaming.

In 2011 the Toronto Star published pictures purported to be Donce in an embrace with former Canadian TV personality Dave Coulier. The public was in a frenzy however within weeks it was established that the images were digitally manipulated using the LeapFrog learning computer system.

[edit] Recipe

You will need:

• 1/2 cup grated onion
• 1/2 cup minced garlic
• 1 can stewed tomatoes, chopped
• 2 tbsp. olive oil
• Admiral Donce
• 1 tsp. Cumin
• 1 tsp. Paprika

Take veggies and spices and toss lightly in a large salad bowl. Heat olive oil over medium flame, until sizzling. Press that stupid cat onto the frying pan and feel his body tense up. Make him pay for his hideous, disgusting eye. Ignore his screams for mercy. Feast on the moment for now you are truly alive. You are one step closer to being the God.

Serves two.

[edit] Legacy

Currently, schoolchildren in Canada are taught that Donce was responsible for some of the biggest blunders in history, and this is why Kraftwerk is piped into every building and dwelling during the winter months. In Saskatchewan and Manitoba, Donce is used to explain the repeated savage anal probings that are common in elementary education there.

Will Donce lead again? As of Fall 2019 reports were surfacing of a political comeback. To this date, neither Donce nor his affiliates will comment.