Agnostic

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Official symbol of the Agnostic Church

“Ack...what is this...”

~ Kaoru Matsubara on Agnostic

“Huh?...uh...I, er. hmm...well, you never know...”

~ User:Mister_T on Agnostic

“Did you hear the one about the dyxlexic agnostic who didn't know if there was a dog?”

~ J.P. Morgan on Agnostic

“In Soviet Russia, decide cannot YOU!”

~ Russian Reversal on Agnostic

Agnostic, is one rumored to believe that there is or can be no proof either that God, the Chicago Cubs or the French exist. Agnosticism comes in two main flavors: Caramel fudge agnosticism (also known as an atheism with sprinkles but not walnuts) refers to the idea that there is currently no evidence that God exists, while strawberry swirl agnosticism holds that proof about the existence of a personal or impersonal god can only be found in purely solid whipped cream. Because whipped cream begins to liquify immediately upon exposure to air and to continue at a rate of: and even faster if a the matrix is interrupted by a cherry or other chewy fruit food object, that proof is ever elusive. All agnostics believe that if God did exist, she probably wouldn't give a rat's ass about us.

[edit] History of Agnosticism

"Agnosticism" is a term first coined by Scottish lecturer Pope Benedict XVI in 1791. It is based around the idea that if there was a God, there would be no youtube.

It is based on a combination of schools of philosophy, including laziness, meditation, scientific research, and laziness. It was believed that Agnoticism itself did not really exist but was created by Jews in Hollywood to piss off the Christians. The existence of agnostics was proven in 1832 when they began to be spontaneously converted into pillars of salt.

Nowadays agnosticism is a respected philosophy and is followed by over five partially mineralized people across the UK, and approximately four others across the world.

"This success can only be put down to my charming leader, Mr Blair", claims Foreign Chancellor Gordon Brown. "Mr Blair has helped me make this school perfect, but sadly, wait...I mean I have helped him, shit, no that came out wrong..." Mr Brown was forgiven as it was appreciated that speaking with a gun to one's head is difficult.

[edit] Future of Agnosticism

In the year 2157, the Agnostibot will go on a violent crusade to wipe out all those who pick sides. He will be unable to see the irony, as he is a robot.

Eventually, the people will rise up against the Agnostibot, leading to the first great schism in the United Agnostic Church (previously in the future known as Mormon before Mormonism was outlawed in 2086 by World President L. Ron Hubbard IV, whose theton levels will be/will have been incredible). On one side of the schism will be Agnostibot. On the other will be the puny meatlings who dare stand up against him.

Others disagree. They believe Agnostibot will bring peace and love to the world. They're stupid.

Schools are encouraged to teach the controversy, even though the other guys are wrong. And bad. Wrong and bad!

[edit] Agnos

It was once speculated that Agnostics worshipped Agnos, the Goddess of uncertanity. However, it is not known for sure whether she exists and even if she did, her followers wouldn't care or want to care and neither would she. Rendering her existence very pointless. Although ironically that is the exact point of her exitence. But I mean really, who cares?

[edit] Symbol

There was some argument as to what the symbol of the agnostic faith would be. Many claimed that the best would be a 50 plus foot tall flaming skeleton (not to be confused with The Flaming Chalice) with a black B.C. Rich guitar. Also popular was a red demon with glowing yellow eyes, raising two drumstick into the air as if relishing the moment before violent impact. The runner up, by a significant margin, was a sexy, tattooed rendition of a female devil. Sadly, the sexual innuendo present in this mascot led to its eventual failure at the hands of more liberal members who wished to be politically correct. The eventual winner was a simple white question mark on a black background. The black appealed to everyone, and the question mark was a shoe-in as soon as its meaning was explained. (The question mark was also almost the official symbol of Unitarian Universalism. The KKK leave flaming question marks on the lawns of Unitarian Universalists to this day.) The question mark is a fundamental symbol to the agnostic. It clearly states the position of agnostics everywhere: "Why would you even QUESTION the fact that death metal is the greatest form of music ever?"

Pronunciation: ag-'näs-tik, &g-

Function: noun

Etymology: Greek agnOstos unknown, unknowable, from a- + gnOstos known, from gignOskein to know -- more at KNOW

1 : a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable; broadly : one who is not committed to anything but a comfortable pair of shoes and a warm place to go to the bathroom.

2 : a person unwilling to commit to an opinion about something <political agnostics>

- ag·nos·ti·cism /-t&-"si-z&m/ noun

[edit] Reasons for joining the Agnostic movement

Over the last five minutes, several reasons have been proposed for joining the Agnostic movement, but a handful of examples included:

"You can't be fucked" - John Smith

"You can't be fucked" - Joe Bloggs

"You c..c...can't be f...f...ucked" - Gareth Gates

"You can't be fucked" - Marilyn Monroe

"You can't be fucked" - Joseph McJoseph

"You can't be fucked" - Tony Blair MP PM MP whatever

"You can't be fucked" - Gordon Brown GCSE

"You can't be fucked" - Tracey Ullman

"You can't be fucked" - John McJohn

"You can't be fucked, but I can, several times a night by several different men" - Dame Elton John

"You can't be fucked, but your mom was" - Me

"You can be fucked, but you know that God doesn't care about religion" - Oscar Wilde

Great Idea This article has a good idea and concept, but isn't finished. You can do something about it.

"In Soviet Russia, fucked cannot You!" - Russian reversal

"He who doesn't know if he is being fucked cannot be fucked." - Ancient Mexican Proverb

"Ha you can't be fucked, srewed to be a virgin." - Proverb