Air Training Corps
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Contents |
[edit] Overview
The Air Training Corps is a military youth organization commissioned at the end of the first World War by Prime Minister Winston Churchill. It was intended to operate as a private army which could be used by Winston and his Tory government to stage a military coup, taking control of Britain and eventually the world.
Churchill was certain this plan would succeed, as he had been scheming for many a year now. By counting on his fingers for several days, Winston worked out that there were LOTS of young people in Britain. By counting for several more days and battling through repetitive strain injury, he further worked out that there were more young people than soldiers in Britain at that time.
This was mainly due to the Oh Yes Treaty 1940 between Winston and his penpal Hitler that Adolf would distract the British Army abroad if Winston promised to give him cheap car insurance.
However, following a freak series of unfortunate events, Winston never managed to implement his plan and the Air Training Corps fell into the homosexual hands of Labour.
Today, the Air Training Corps has been changed dramatically as a result of Tony Blair who, being able to fly due to his large ears, had a particular passion for Air Cadets.
[edit] History
By the end of the war in 1945, Winston was ready to launch his plan. On the night of the 5th February 1945, he and his army - five cadets and a corporal - stormed Buckingham Palace under the cover of darkness.
But the Queen was ready for them. Having barred the door with an umbrella, she ran out onto her balcony and used her powers to summon a great fleet of swans from the sky. Winston tried to sway using a Sainsburys Loaf but they weren't interested and pecked him and his comrades to death.
In the morning, the Queen hired a new government - called the Labour Party and told them she was not amused with the Air Training Corps. They promised to sort it out and naturally asked Bob Geldof to have a concert. Suddenly everything was alright.
With some quick changes to the logo and a bit of retraining, the ATC that we know today was born.
[edit] Organization
Today, the Queen still despises the ATC and therefore proclaimed if a member of the Royal Family HAD to be the Commander-in-Chief, then it shall be Prince Harry - being the most retarded and therefore most suitable.
The Air Training Corps considers itself the 'child' of the RAF and therefore likes to imitate its parent organisation in any way possible. This includes offering cadets opportunities such as flying, gliding, 'playing soldiers', abusing foreign prisoners or providing sexual relief for troops stationed abroad.
At a local level, the ATC is organised into Squadrons of how ever many bored teenagers can be found. These are run by however many bored elderly people can be found and some cadets will be permitted to attach bits of cloth to their shoulders which dictate their importance.
These cadets recieve special treatment in that they are allowed to abuse cadets, yell incoherent commands and walk at the front of any group of people. Their rank also extends outside the ATC where they may have any item from any store free of charge and are worshiped by members of the public.
All cadets wear the Corps uniform which consists of a Blue vest, white 'Aladdin like' pantaloons and shiny parade shoes. Stepping on a cadet's shining parade shoe is a criminal offense under the Respect the Shoes Act 1945 and is an offence punishable by death. In addition, cadets wear a Beret (pronounced berry) on their head, which keeps all their special knowledge about planes and 'tick-tocking' from polluting the world.
Cadets are known to be oddly fanatical about their uniform as was demonstrated during the Kiwi Polish Incident. It is widely held that a particular fetish for creases, polish and starch is a perquisite for becoming a cadet.
Numerous Squadrons are grouped into a Wing. This is a geographical area of the country and may contain dozens of squadrons. In 2001, work began on several wings to allow them to lift off in the event of an emergency, however work has been impaired by the rising price of aviation fuel.
Several Wings are grouped into a Region of which there are six in total. Each is commanded by a Regional Commandant. The current Commandants are;
- Graham Norton
- Bruce Forsyth
- Simon Cowell
- Kate & Gerry Mcann
- Jeremy Kyle
- Cilla Black
In 2007, The MCann's took over from their daughter - the former Commandant, when she went missing abroad. The media reported her as being abducted, however it is well known within the inner circles of the ATC that she was captured during a overseas mission in Portugal, while trying to establish communications with the TLF(Turtle Liberation Front) and help them achieve their aims. There have been rumors that Madeline was captured by a rival organization, perhaps FAGGOT (Frog And Gazelle Genital Trust) . However, repeated efforts to use the Cadets in their region to search the world for Madeline have been futile.
[edit] Greggorio, the ATC's Offical Mascot
Greggorio, the ATC's new mascot is known for his tireless fight to combat animal racisim in the workplace, before working for the ATC he first worked in a genital farm and later a rest home for elderly people(He was fired for smothering the elderly, they found out because everytime he left a room the old person inside had a squashed nose had had died of respiratory failure). He rose to fame when he was denied admission to the ATC in 1978, along with Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi and the Dahali Lama he fought for equal rights within the ATC and other organisations. He is also famous for being one of the 'crooked legged' This means he has a rare disease which means he cannot lie down for more than 10 minutes, or he will go into cardiac arrest and die, so he has no choice but to stand up permanantly. Greggorio's previous owner Bob Marley, brought this into the public eye with his song 'Get up, Stand Up' in which he sang the lyrics
'Get up!
Stand up!
Stand up for your life!'.
