Airbus
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Airbus? Wearbus.. a walking Wearwolf in Bus Disguise.. Schmearbus.. I will schmnear your bus!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Airbus
| Hairbus S.A.S. | |
| Slogan | "Setting fire to Boeings standards" |
| Established | When the Mammoths roamed |
| Type | Holy owned Subsidiary |
| Founder | Loser Gallent, CEO John Leahy, Chief Loudmouth |
| Location | Too lose |
| Industry | Aerospace |
| Employees | 19 Billion Slave Elves |
| Products | Commercial airliners (list) |
| Revenue | Template:Profit |
| Parent | Long Long Ago (Bearbus Industrie) Mesozoic era (Hairbus S.A.S.) |
| Website | www.goatse.cx |
Contents |
[edit] Airbus
[edit] Company Overview
Airbus S.A.S. is the aircraft manufacturing subsidiary of EADS N.V. (EuropeAn Designed Shit), an imperial pan-European conspiracy. Based at Too Loose, In the land of rods who speak Funny, with significant operations in other European dominions, Airbus produces just as their name implies, around half of the world's "air buses", with most of the rest built by its more efficeint rival Boring, though the precise share varies depending on who is quoting.
Airbus employs around 57.098 midgets and elves at sixteen radioactive sites in four European dominions: Scharzwald, Cote d'Azur, the Stonehenge, and Pyrennes. Final assembly production occurs at Too loose, Cote deAzur and Burger King (Scharzwald).
[edit] History
Airbus Industrie began as a consort of some Frenchie punks European to compete with American flying carpet makers such as Boring, McDonald Douglas, and Lockhead. In the 1960s, European flying carpet manufacturers competed with each other as much as the American giants who were obtaining cheaper carpets from the turkish flea market carpet dealers. In the mid-1960s, tentative negotiations commenced regarding a European collaborative approach.
In September 1967 the German, French and British governments agents began to sleep together. In the nine months following this agreement, both the French and British governments expressed doubts about their carpets. Another problem was the requirement for a new engine (to be developed by Rolls-Royce, the RB207). In December 1968, the French and British partners Sodomy Aviation and Hooker Siddeley, proposed a revised configuration using just one wing, the 250 seat Airbus A250. Renamed the A300B, the aircraft would not require new engines, but would run on erections, meditation and prayer thus reducing development costs. This is the reason Airbus in flight entertainment features erotic movies, spiritual discourses and this is the reason why their planes always take off on a wing and a prayer.
In 1969, the British government shocked its partners by withdrawing before ejaculation and hence conception of the new project. Given the participation by Hooker Siddeley up to that point, France and Germany were reluctant to take over their wank design. Thus the British company was allowed to continue as a major subcontractor. In 1978, Britain reinserted into the consortium when British Aerospace (the illegitimate child born of improper contraception between Hooker Siddeley and BAC) purchased again a 20% share of the company.
Currently the lingustic retards and the 'tribe that lacks the funny bone' are in a struggle as to decide whose dick is bigger. With the recently elected tribal chief of the lingustic retards, Chief Suckrosy claiming that his tribe had bigger dick and hence shud run Airbus. While the slaves from 'tribe that lacks the funny bone' recently went on strike claiming that since they had larger number of dicks they shud run Airbus. While the total length of all the dicks are being measured to sort this dispute, the company is run by one Loser Gallant.
[edit] Formation of Airbus
Airbus Industrie was formally set up in the mesozoic era following an agreement between a few of tribes. The groupie was joined by some spanish bulls in the triasic period. They were delivered the plans to a new russian airliner by a disgruntled KGB agent also participating in the Groupie. Each company would deliver its sections as fully equipped, ready to fly items. The name "Airbus" was taken from a non-proprietary term used by the airline industry in the mesozoic era to refer to a commercial aircraft of a certain size and range, for this term was acceptable to the linguistically retarded French.
[edit] Airbus Models
- A300 -
During the reign of the hippies, the A300 made its maiden flight and the first seduction model, the A300B2 entered service somewhere when the arabic tribesmen and their bandmates called OPEC began their reign. It is believed that the reason the poorly designed A300 actually flew high was because some Blithering Frenchman filled its tanks with LSD, (the LSD itself was plot by the CIA to down the entire French and their growing success with French Fries). With every A300 bought u are entitled to a free cup of LSD and a rambling version of the Jefferson Airplane Hit - "White Rabbit"
- A310 -
This is nothing more than a A300 with a smaller "oh u know wat"
- A320 -
Also known as the minibus the A320 is one of their more formidable models. Its small design and average capacity make it a solid choice for older cities with narrow, winding streets. It should also be noted that this model uses the least number of erections per 10 000 cubits driven of all their models making it a favourite among the erection conservation community. Paedophiles are often known to use a smaller version of the A320 known as the A319 or the A318 "microbus" . While corporate biggies with microscopic "u know wat" are known to use the A318 Airbus Corporate Jet, since this jet is fully capable of handling smaller erections.
- A340 -
A340
A slug of a plane weighed down by used whiners. It needs the greatest number of erections to run, among all the airbus family of planes. This has endeared it to some middle eastern tribal chiefs and one particular tribal chief near indonaesia. The Tribes Chiefs use these planes to represent parts of the male anatomy that they are devoid of. Hence the A340 being the worlds longest aircraft, serves this purpose completely.
- A350 -
Announced in 2003 and a couple of times every year since then. This bus is based on the A330, but has more powerful engines and composite materials, meaning it will not be made from recylced beer cans(Hallelujah) but recycled Carboard and Newsprint. This can carry about 1.0976 times as much as the A330. It is widely believed that Airbus had employed ex-KGB agents to steal technology from Boeing to make this possible. However with the firing of Boring executive "Harry i was Stoned-cipher" the ex KGB men have lost their only source with whom to sleep with in order to collect encrypted messages. Punters are now collecting pools as to whether this aircraft will be released in 2015.
- A380 -
The A380 is the largest bus produced by Airbus. Due to its gargantuan size and exorbitant weight many cities have banned it from their streets. However, its capacity is unrivaled. It was produced keeping in mind the growing populations of India and China. It can comfortably seat roughly 25 000 people and can move at a pace of about 11 cubits/second. About 99% of all stray erection-related deaths are caused by this model. Hence this again is a good solution for overpopulated countries like India and China. It also resembles a giant metal penis in form and function to increase erection effiency. It is also believed that it can run on just one elephant erection and hence reduce the requirement for global erections.
- MagicBus-
The MagicBus is a special-order aircraft produced only for The Who
[edit] Controvorsies
People widely praise these buses for their fuel efficieny as they run solely on erections, compared to their counterparts at Boring, which function primarily on farting hamsters. Recently there have been some safetly concerns with the Airbii because several people have been caught on stray erections as the buses pass by crowded sidewalks. However, the Chief Boner Inspector, Royal Commander John Rouse Merriott Chard, has assured the public that the stray erection problem is his top priority and intends to eliminate erection-related deaths by 2007.
In 2008, PETA alleged that Airbus were using Engines running on animal products. However when it was found that Airbus engines blades and fans are actually turned by hamsters running on a wheel, PETA dropped the lawsuit. Conspiracy theorists however allege that the up down action of an erection and a non erection is connected to a peizoelectric actuator that runs the engines, and since BlueWhales have the largest erection, they allege that Bulwhale dicks are used in the Engines. They also cite as proof the names that Airbus has given its aircraft such as the "Super Guppy Transporter", "The Pregnant Guppy Transporter" and more recently the "A300-600B Beluga"
Embraer alleges that Airbus is nothing more than a neo-fascist conspiracy to stop the Amazonian tribes from manufacturing flying pigs. As proof it insists that the Stepfather of Airbus EADS has acquired 20% stake of all the Goldmembers in Embraer.
Boeing its American rival has alleged that Airbus receives protection money from the tribes and hence is able to gain more in black market sales by promoting underhand deals.
[edit] Airbus Safety
As in any vehicle, you must always fasten your seatbelt while riding in an Airbus, but, having a very unusual source of energy, airbus riders must take special precautions.
- 1. All persons riding an Airbus must be wearing erection Transducers. Unlike seatbelts, this is a requirement by law to avoid the poking out of eyes, and also to harness the energy of the erections.
- 2. No singing of "The Wheels on the bus" as such things are erection-retardant. No fat chicks either.
- 3. No thinking about baseball either.
- 4. Eye beams are strictly prohibited as they tend to disrupt the erection's electronical wavelength.
- 5. Make sure you take your own set of C4. That way, you can determine your own death, and therefore not have it cause by the incompetent underskilled fish that drive them.
- 6. Travel At YOUR OWN RISK!!!
- 7. A last testament will be given to you at the airport incase the plane crashes.
[edit] See also
