Al Gebra
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“Never speak disrespectfully of Al Gebra, Al Gernon. Only people who can’t find the roots of quintic equations do that.”
“That poor little X!”
~ GOW on Algebra
“Thank you, President Bush, for stopping Al-Gebra”
~ A Child Flunking Math. on Al-Gebra
Al Gebra is a terrorist movement headed up by the leader known as Osum of Bin Adden which has reportedly infiltrated American schools. It began at the undergraduate level and has spread to secondary schools, according to US Attorney General John Ashcroft. Favored targets are said to include homomorphics and people living in polynomial relationships. Academics dismiss the Ashcroft's accusations as pandering to the lowest common denominator of anti-Arab prejudice.
The web of deception was first uncovered at New York's Kennedy Airport when an individual claiming to be a school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, protractor, set square, slide rule and calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft, said he believes the man is:
- "a member of the notorious al Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI for carrying weapons of math instruction."
A SNIE reveals that al Gebra uses use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', and the CIA has determined they belong to an axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. Field agents are evaluating rumored links with ring-leaders in the French defunctional Action Direct group. At a recent press conference, President Bush assured Americans that the federal government is working hard to find a solution to this problem.
Alberga is a suburb in Espoo, Finland.
In Arabic Al Gebra means "The Zebra"
It is commonly used as a Method of Severe Torture [M.S.T] for young adults between the ages of 9-18. This torture occurs at the residence of School, more commonly known as Hell.
Suspected members of Al-Gebra (math teachers and nerds) are being sent to interrogation chambers run by proffesianal interrogators (failing math students).
[edit] News Report
A report on the alleged cult is as follows:
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al Gebra Movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al Gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", and initiating operations that requires problem solving, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more brains."
"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."
President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."
