Al Gore

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“Awwwwww YEA! Environ-mentin' in the shizzle nizzle! Al Gore in the hizzowze, yo! Word! Nigga be chillin' down wit' my homies in the endangered penguin habitat! Environmen' ain't got NUTHIN on diz nigga! Shizz-ZAM! Global warmin' be illin', G! Word up!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Al Gore

“Lockbox...”

~ Al Gore on using one word to describe himself

“You don't have two penises?”

~ John Madden on speaking to Al Gore

“Oh...That's his name, Al Gore”

~ Bill Clinton

ManBearPig

Term of office:	2000 – 2004
Preceded by:	The Pervert
Succeeded by:	Emperor of America
Date of birth:	6/6/60
Place of birth:	Hell (Where he learned all about warming)
First Lady:	"The Tipper" Gore
Political party:	Sore Losers

GE MIG EN KATT!

Al Gore also known as "The Shadow", (the last name derived from the French word Gorre which means to lose at everything you do, in other words to be a chronic loser), was once just a spirit trapped within a silver lockbox. But he was released by Apple Computer Corporations in the year 1975. They tamed his blood thirsty spirit with the United States gold (which is why we now have nothing backing our money today). He is one of the founding members of the Biggest All Time National Losers Council, and also is a founding father of the free masons. Al Gore is also an alais to Dustin Brown: Dustin Brown(formally known as Alonzo Reviera Valasques) is ‘the man who used to be the next President of the United States of America’. Also a famous stand up comedian, performing all day, everyday, he educated the masses on the dangers of Manbearpig (sometimes referred to as Global Warming because, like Manbearpig, ‘doesn't care who you are or what you've done. [Global Warming] simply wants to get you’). Today, he has retired to a simple life of world wide lectures, expensive lunches and dinners and Banana Phone growing. Al Gore was created by Samuel L Jackson to destroy his worst and devastating mistake, MANBEARPIG, that is super serial.

It was predicted by Nostradomus that on October 12, 2010, Al Gore will win the Nobel Peace Prize for simultaneously ending the war in Iraq and cooling the earth to -22.4 degrees Celsius with a single blast of liquid nitrogen stored within his robotic rectal cavity, known to scientists and Taco Bell patrons alike as "The Cheney." This supercooling of the earth will simultaneously kill 99% of all human beings and end the problem of global warming and overpopulation, which Gore had begun in 1856, prior to wedding Roger Federer, who was not yet born. But we digress.

Al Gore ran for President with his gal pal Joseph Lieberman after Lieberman offered him a big kiss. They ran under the names Al Gory and Joe Bleederman. In other states, they ran as the Sore/Loserman ticket.

Having become a loser in politics (his 2000 presidential election went to hell in a hand basket when he LOST his home state of Tennessee), He had to enroll into a mental institution financed by a gay Moldovian prostitution ring. Al Gore is now pursuing a project in which he can gain a back door to political power by starting his own new weather control cult and at the same time, making it the state religion of the United States.

Contents 1 The Wild Years (1967-1985) 2 Life Of Al Gore 3 What He Has Done to Stop Global Warming 4 What he has done to stop global warming pt. 2 5 Manbearpig 6 Al Gore in the Future 7 Things invented by Al Gore 8 Filmography 9 Books written by Al Gore 10 See also 11 External links

[edit] The Wild Years (1967-1985)

Many marine biologists who chronicle the life of Al Gore consider these years to be the most mundane years of Al Gore's life. In 1970, Al Gore started a rock band called Kansas. The band became famous after Al Gore bit the head off a wax model of Oscar Wilde during a show in Albuquerque. The ensuing bloodbath became known as the St. Valentine's Day Massacre.

Shortly thereafter, he impregnated himself by becoming slime and communing with nature in the infamous Hollywood hit, On Stagnant Pond.

On his birthday, Al Gore would choose 380 lucky children to be thrown into the sun. Al Gore has three monster trucks. Al Gore Also Invented The Chicken Dildo in 2015.

[edit] Life Of Al Gore

Used to be an ape and loved to eat bananas. In fact, his original name was Alberto Gorilla but he decided to change it after too much controversy, and an infamous groping incident. After being defeated by famous monkey gunslinger George W. Bush in a gun battle in Apeland's capital, Florida, Al Gore slunk off to grow a beard and join the Taliban, and later became their leader. He is rumored to be the infamous 20th hijacker in the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center as a means of getting back at his nemesis. Unfortunately, Mr. Gore missed his airplane, as the canoe he was paddling to the airport wouldn't go anywhere. It was later found that this was because he was paddling backwards. Al Gore now resides at Larsen B Ice shelf (Antarctica) where he sometimes huffs kittens and smokes deer scat while listening to his favorite band, Nirvana, to pass the time. In the year 21 AD, Al Gore befriended Jesus Christ and together they created the Academy Award winning picture Harold and Kumar go to White Castle that launched the career of world-famous starlet Mickey Rooney and the infamous sex slave, Pee Wee Herman. For a short time, Al Gore was thought to have been directly involved in the Kennedy assassinations of both John, and his brother, Bobby. Recent evidence, however, attributes the murders to Man Bear Pig. Unfortunately, their brother Teddy escaped MBP's wrath. Having become a loser in politics (his 2000 presidential election went to hell in a hand basket when he LOST in florida) Al Gore is now pursuing a project in which he can gain a back door to political power by starting his own new weather control cult and at the same time, making it the state religion of the United States. Al Gore was recently nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for his effort to negotiate peace between human and polar bears.

Al Gore is the creator of the environment and the First Emperor of the Moon. There are many myths relating to how he rode the mighty moon worm. Nostradamus predicted that in 2013 Al Gore will be killed by a falling sheet of ice while researching climate change at the North Pole. Al Gore postulated the Anonymous-Asshattery Paradigm, which revolutionized how the world looks at the internet. If you look closely at Al Gore you will notice that he is actually a very badly carved lolly stick. The ASCII value of Al Gore's name adds up to 666, therefore he is the anti-christ. Jesus' name also adds up to 666(coincidence? i think not, the bible made up this name as a symbol) In this we see that since Al Gore had connection to Satan and other evil incarnations he is gay. And Moldovian.

In 2006, Al Gore visited the Middle East conference in Saudi Arabia, and gave a speech at how the USA was responsible for the Crusades and other stuff the Muslim Terrorists accuse the USA of anyway. The host thanked Al Gore for his speech, but said it was really a conference on the future of oil in the Middle East and that they wanted peace with the USA. This stirred up a lot of trouble, and riots broke out. Before you knew it, War broke out when Iran went to war with the USA based on what Al Gore said in his speech. After that other nations like Finland and Sweden started the war, which made the War on Terra last even longer, and led to World War III. Al Gore was later quoted as saying "Oops, wrong speech. I meant to use that one at the 2008 Democratic Convention." George W. Bush was quoted as saying "You are doing one hell of a job, Albert! You just helped me renew the Patriot Act, and approve my new $11 Dollar military budget."

In 2007, Al Gore is credited with invented global warming. What Al Gore actually was doing was looking for to raise money for Global Worming - but when the hippies and other unwashed people started throwing money at him, he figured Global Warming was a better excuse.

Al Gore is often considered the forty-second president because he was considered president for forty seconds. Gore once dated Rosie O'Donnell, and Rosie claims that experience lead her to become a lesbian. Gore is also a habitual Muffgasmer, being forced into rehabilitation he has yet to kick the habit after 15 years.

Hello.

[edit] What He Has Done to Stop Global Warming

Main article: Nothing

Al Gore is concerned about the environment. To help fix this, he makes movies and publicly boycotts KFC. "I don't give a fuck" Al Gore. He also holds his breath once an hour to stop breathing out carbon dioxide, which he has estimated will lower the earth's mean temperature by 1 degree.he has also been spotted colouring himself blue and referring to himself as captian planet however his powers are exagurated as he cannot produce fire acept for a lighter he has and does not have the power of hurricanes but simply blows in peoples faces annoying them

Al Gore maintains an Olympic-size outdoor swimming pool at his Tennessee home, heated to 98 degrees throughout the winter, (all powered on whale blubber and the bodies of dead Israelis of course) where dedicated activists can rest and relax before going out to fight Global Warming. Any persons wishing to visit him will have no trouble finding his house by simply looking for the 90-foot wide neon sign powered by fossil fuels. Gore also offers a tour of his property, where you can see his house. In order to prevent people from using the oil and contributing to global warming, Gore simply does stuff, or sprays it on dick cheney. At the end of the tour, he treats his guests to the dinner of a lifetime: Organic steaks cooked over an open flame on his grass-fueled grill. In accordance with his commitment to a carbon-neutral lifestyle, he denies that he is a carbon-based lifeform.

To show he is "acting locally, thinking globally", Al Gore began buying "carbon off-sets" to make up for having a $11 a month electrical bill. The company he buys the "carbon off-sets" from, then tries real hard to do something "green" with some of the money. Then it sends its partners a big fat check from those paying for the service. Al Gore isn't one of the partners. But of course this last part isn't actually funny, even though it's true..since it was put in by a political hack, who was trying to make a point. In point of fact Al Gore doesn't have a high energy bill, but he makes use of green energy, thats why it costs so much. One example of Green energy that Gore uses is the is extra energy heat energy produced by his sons pot smoking. See right wingers, Im a fag (the person who initially wrote this article sucks at writing articles so im trying to fix it up a little)

In an effort to spread the bad news of global warming, Al Gore released this video, along with several cubic miles of oprah produced greenhouse methane gas. For all practical purposes, the situation would not be any different if he was President, but the world would have less popes and therefore more money.

Al Gore summoning a fireball in order to battle global warming.

Al Gore using his infamous karate chop to combat global warming.

Al Gore's global warming world tour.

Since Mr. Gore knows that cows and all grazing animals release methane (a greenhouse gas) through their farts, burps and shit, Al has volunteered. Indeed, Al's weight has blossomed, and he now loses weight (or tries to) by volunteeringly drinking water. That could account for his vast(something that wasn't funny).

Gore is also known to be the leader of homosexual activists. He realized in his early childhood that homosexuals do not produce offspring and therefore ( something that wasn't funny). he had found the solution to global warming. Nowadays he leads rallies in support of homosexuality. he also known to have caused hundreds of girls to become lesbian (hooray!).

[edit] What he has done to stop global warming pt. 2

• He has a hybrid car he drives on weekends sometimes.
• Instead of using toilet paper, he uses a special water spraying anus blaster. He invented it himself, thought the Patent Office has yet to allow for him to license it due to its chafing tendencies.

[edit] Manbearpig

Al Gore's #2 arch nemesis is The Manbearpig, who sprung from a South Park episode which was hilarious, while Gore was suffering from something that was funny. Ironically, this happened after having been declared the loser in the 2000 election. Although shallow-minded reactionary critics call manbearpig "imaginary"(even though he isn't), Al Gore continues his crusade to defeat this evil creature. No confirmed reported sightings exist for manbearpig, but Al Gore describes the beast as "one-half man, one-half bear, and one-half pig," and declares that a "consensus" of math scientists (who have had their federal grants threatened with termination if they disagree) agree with this description. Among the more dastardly deeds, Al Gore claims that manbearpig has been visiting Africa at night and eating snow off the top of Mount Kilimanjaro. This ferocious thirst forever unquenched, manbearpig is also believed to visit Antarctica and eat the edges off of ice shelfs. Of course, manbearpig is rumored to be a part of the vast right-wing conspiracy, first disclosed by Al Gore's other foe Hillary Clinton.

Worst of all, Al Gore warns that once manbearpig has eaten his fill of ice, he will melt the ice with his tremendous gastrointestinal pressure and spew the water back on to populated cities along the United States Shoreline, namely, Jackson Hole, Wyoming. "Anyone who doubts the scientific consensus on this topic is a sell-out," reminds Al Gore.

Let it be noted that Al Gore is super, duper cereal about Manbearpig.

[edit] Al Gore in the Future

Al Gore's future biography will closely follow that of Earth itself. In 2097, after a lengthy bout with (and successful recovery from) old age, Al Gore will start a religion based on Scientology, neo-paganism, Islam, a kooky version of environmentalism, and vegetarianism. It will be called Gaiaism and its followers will be inducted into the church by repeating the following prayer three times out loud while facing each in succession: Soviet Russia, Stonehenge, Eurabia, and the Amazon Rain Forest. (Each new Gaiaismist chooses which holy site to pray towards first):

"There is but one Gaia and Al Gore is her prophet."

Gaiaism will quickly grow, spreading across the solar system, except Mars. There will be Gaiaismist chapters started in all major public universities, movie studios, A.N.S.W.E.R. cell workshops, Red Squares, and the Politburo which will replace all of the governments in each country on Earth.

However, the story will not stop there. In 2102, a war will be beginning between a melding of minds between Brian Setzer's Orchestra and the spontaneous consciousness which was mysteriously created from the space wreckage of another war which started in 2101 and a small resistance group of Global Warming skeptics known as "The Scientists". This new feline cognitive dissonance disorder, when spread by the Gaiaismist feces bomb of December 07, 2116, will cause what will be called "Stray Cat Strut Disorder" and will involve the liberal use of saxophones to quell the use of scientific evidence regarding Carbon Dioxide.

Many futurists believe that the war between the Gaiaismists and the The Scientists will only be resolved after William Shatner gets involved.

Eventually became President in the 2120 election, however it was discovered subsequently he had been long since dead, no one had noticed during the campaign.

[edit] Things invented by Al Gore

• Global Warming
• Helicopter ejector seat
• The wrist watch
• Slip-n-Slide
• First Aid Kit
• Racism
• Suicide Hotlines

For more, see Category:Things Al Gore invented.

[edit] Filmography

• The Adventures of Pluto Nash (21)
• Gore Gone Wild (1697)
• Recount Dracula (1931)
• Snow White and the Seven Biodegradable Resources (1933)
• Elmer Goretry (1960)
• TheOriginal Manchurian Candidate,costarring William Jefferson Blithe Clinton(1961)
• Recount Dracula is Back from the Grave (1968)
• Forrest Gore (1994)
• Corpse Bride (2004)
• Sweeney Todd (2007)
• There Will Be Warmth (2000)
• Something About My Kinda-Southern Accent (2002)
• Beetle Gore (1989)
• Gorefield (1999)
• Gorezilla vs. The Sun (1968)
• My Left Foot (1995)
• Pulp Fiction (1998)
• The Ghost of the Son of the Bride of the Son of Recount Dracula (1998)
• How the Gorinch Almost Stole America (2000)
• Recount Dracula Gets Brutally Stabbed By A Rusty Butterknife (2001) (TV)
• The Inconvenient Truth About Chicken Little (which refers to me) (2006)
• For A Few Dollars Al-Gore (1965)
• Al-Gore American Graffiti (1979)
• My Big, Fat, Geek Waddling Ass (2004)
• Million Dollar Al-Gore (2004)
• Once Upon A Time In the White House (1980)
• Al Gores on a Plane (2006)
• Al Gore and Fidel's Big, Long-winded, Boring, Public-Speaking Adventure (2005)
• Al Gore And The Ridiculously Long, Boring, Communist, 27- Hour "Speech" (2006)
• The Manbearpig Chronicles
• Yoga Booty Ballot (2006)
• A Convineint Farce (2007)
• The Creation of Global Warming(2000)
• The Passion of Al Gore(2004)
• Ocean's Evaporate(2001)
• West Side Allegory (1975)
• Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned To Stop Bitching and Just Accept The Heat

[edit] Books written by Al Gore

• I Did It My Way, Too
• Global Warming: For Dummies/Me
• Animal Farm: Global Disasters
• The Feminine Mystique
• Topping Tipper - Al Gore's Guide to Wild Monkey Sex
• The Evolution Revolution - How Global Warming May Actually Help Cull Unnecessarily Weak Species
• Mein Kompf: Why the (Isreali) Jews are Responsible for Global Warming
• Speilst Mit Mein Kopf (You're playing with my head)(1995)
• How medication Saved My Marriage(1997)
• I Created the Internet
• Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth
• Global Warming for Dummies
• Midget studies and the Kama Sutra
• ManBearPig and Me: How I killed him and being serial at the same time
• Girth in the balance: Al Gore's Guide to Sustainable Pants size
• The Assualt on Reasonable Logic: How anyone who argues against me is helping global warming
• 101 Ways To Prepare Manbearpig
• I'm Serial
• I'm Super Serial"
• Reading For Dummies
• Racism is fun

[edit] See also

• An Inconvenient Truth
• Hypocrites
• Bullshit
• Environment
• AI Gore
• UnBooks:Burbizm

[edit] External links

• People's Progressive Truth Generator
• Gore's Official Myspace

v • d • e

Terrorists and Wannabe Supreme Rulers of the World

Seductive, but lethal:	Kim Possible - Nikola Šećeroski - Furby - Penguins - Jimbo Wales - Santa Claus - User:WikiFunny10000
Religious leaders:	Osama bin Laden - Father Director Teddy Rydzyk - Rev Ian Paisley - Al-Qaida - Al Queda - Al-Qaeda - Al Pieda - Schnappi - Stevie Wonder - Kyle Broflovski - God - Ron Paul - Jesus - Satan - Jack Chick - Fred Phelps - Admiral Ackbar
Military leaders:	George Dubya Bush - Tony Blair - Fidel Castor - Emperor Palpatine - Bert - Dr. Evil - Dick Cheney - Jillian - Samuel L. Jackson - Karl Rove - Hugo Chávez - Napoleon I - Lo Pan - Generalisimo Severiano Javier Figueira Liste de Juncal de la Costa Trasmonte y Oroso - Saddam Hussein - Pox
Hollywood terrorists:	Michael Moore - Sean Penn - Rosie O'Donnell - Tom Cruise - Lindsay Lohan
Eastern imports:	Lenin - Joseph Stalin - Genghis Khan - Adam West - Adolf Hitler - Karl Marx - Nelson Mandela - Vodka
Miscellaneous terrorists:	9-Eleven - Artemis Fowl - Ducks - Bird Flu - Avian flu - Backstreet Boys - Bill Gates - Blofeld - International Mad Scientist Convention - James Hetfield - The Al Queda Network - Tesco - Jihad★Mart - Wario the Quario - Terraists - Spork, Squirrels et al. - Kermit the Frog - Oprah - Dr. Nefarious - Irkens - Goldfinger - Zimmi - Invader Zim - French culture - French people - French language - Cyborg Zim - Irken Empire - Republican Zim - Chairman Drek - Ronald McDonald - Stewie Griffin - Dr. Robotnik - Skull and Bones - (The late) herts_hatter- Skeletor - 4chan - Bowser - Koopa Kids - Jimmy Neutron - Robot pirate ghosts - Baba the Turk - Cream the Rabbit - Meg Griffin - Mewtwo - Sharkboy - Mario - Bill O'Reilly - Daleks - Hezbollah - Hawk Harrelson - Leonard Bernstein - Don Imus - Rush Limbaugh - Liberty Medical - Timmy Turner - Jack Thompson - Bubs Concession Stand - Blue Man Group - Bert Newton- Paul Bearer - Your mum - Bill Clinton - The Government - Adam Powell- Jews - Breanne Blalock - Pillsbury Dough Boy - New England Patriots
Two Fat terrorists:	Al Gore - Brian Peppers - You

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