Al Roker
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Perhaps the most well known fat person is Al Roker. The origins of Al Roker are unknown but there are 2 generally accepted theories.
- 1. God took a really really huge dump.
- 2. Al Roker was an experiment created and funded by Taco Bell to create a human being that was only physically capable of running on Taco Bell food.
Unfortunately once Al Roker was born they had to scrap the project when he emerged from the womb black. Eventually Taco Bell Inc. reached the source of the problem when they found out that the incompetent basement meth chemist they hired to do the job forgot to throw in the gene for mexican. The Chemist was murdered and the George W. Bush assassination [still in the "planning" phase] was used to cover it up. Al Roker however was released into the wild and picked up by a family of traveling banjo minstrels who eventually settled down in southeastern Pennsylvania. As Al Roker's age increased and his maturity decreased his weight moved exponentially skyward, almost doubling every day.
[edit] Youth
Before high school, Al Roker was consuming 350 pounds of raw taco meat and 20 glasses of sour cream per day, almost half his body weight, typically the food was beer-bonged into his gaping jowls and the sour cream was injected directly into his bloodstream. Subsequently, his blood is 70% raw cholesterol, 25% mountain dew and 5% naturally produced heroin to suppress the constant pain associated with his stretched out skin. In the future Al Roker is expected to surpass the mass of the earth, the only foreseeable plan is to rocket him into the sun. Some hippy bastards think that it's wrong and that "cows are people too" but the one thing that they're forgetting is that no just and loving god would knowingly put that atrocity into existence. No just and loving God besides taco bell, that is.
Regarding Al Roker's increasing weight, scientists have arrived at the following equation.
Where A equals Al Roker and B equals Fat.
[edit] Social Status and issues
A lot of people "appear" to be Al Roker's friends and colleagues, but we know of course that that's impossible. Al Roker's size requires a constant expulsion of gas, human gas is normally made up of methane and fecal matter. Al Roker's is pure vaporized cannibinols. Being around Al Roker for about 30 seconds is like smoking a gram of Cannabis Indica. (common indica strains include White Widow and Northern Lights for all you brandon rolands out there.) In addition he shits pure McNuggets of 5-Methoxy-Dimethyltryptamine (5-MeO-DMT), normally naturally produced in certain barks and found in certain types of toad venom along with bufotenin. Al Roker urinates LSA dissolved in reagent grade ethyl alcohol. In conclusion, the only reason Al Roker has friends is because they hallucinate him as cool due to the hallucinogenic cloud of fecal matter that surrounds him due to his gravitational pull. The Author weeps the loss of Katie Couric to the stinky claws of the gas cloud, and her fantastic gams. Al Roker once took a massive shit. That shit was later named Atlanta.
[edit] The Al Roker Disaster
In 2004, Al Roker attempted the "Truffle Shuffle" of the coast of India. The resulting tsunami cost tens of thousands of people in Thailand their jobs and their homes. Some 8,000 people died. The UN barred pressing charges for the murders on Al Roker because the supreme court deemed him not a person [roe vs. gay]. They only solution was a 27th trimester abortion. Al Roker, still lodged in the ocean where he committed the horrible shuffle, was injected with 27 hundered tons of whale anaesthetic. This only agitated Al Roker who let out a sigh of dissapointment - This sigh became known as Hurricane Katrina.
AL ROKER IS A FREAKIN HACK!!!!!!! Fat fucker!!!!! - Matt Lauer
