Alan Turing
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“Gay? He was as gay as me!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Alan Turing
Alan Turing (1923-1949) was a pioneer computer scientist most famous for subtly weaving his deviant homosexual agenda into the basic tenets of computer science, the subliminal influence of which led to the high incidence of homosexuality among computer users that surged exponentially in the 1980s and '90s. He was also an accomplished marathon runner, beating Von Neumann in his first marathon and making silly faces at him when he won. Von Neumann got really angry at this, and made plans for his revenge against Turing. His tyrannical rule came to a screeching halt when he ate an Apple Computer (planted by Von Neumann), got a stomach ache, and exploded. Turing is now often best recognized for being Homogeneous.
Turing was also a physicist, building a bomb so powerful that it was able to destroy Adolf Hitler and his Third Reich by sitting in a shack in England and ticking, without ever actually exploding
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[edit] The Turing Test
Decades before the dawn of the World Wide Web, Turing developed the original prototype for gay online chatrooms. He invited young men to sit alone in another room and communicate with him via a teletype terminal, and through typed conversations deduce whether or not he was hard... ware.
[edit] Turing-Completeness
In his holy quest for a unified theory of computer science, Turing also developed a property called Turing completeness, which is the ability of a given machine or computer language to potentially execute any program imaginable, especially dating sims.
[edit] Halting Problem
As a boy, Alan Turing never much liked Georg Cantor. Cantor was taller, funnier, smarter, dressed better, got better grades, always had the latest iPod, created set theory, knew how to tie his own shoes, and all the girls liked him. Even some of the boys. This infuriated Turing who set out at once to discredit Cantor.
Much of Cantor's fame (and the attentions of impoverished, well-hung grad students) came from the Diagonal Argument with which he proved that some infinite sets have more members than others. Therefore Turing programmed a computer to count all the Natural numbers and another to count the Reals. Hence, Turing discovered the Halting Problem.
After a short pathetic lifetime of work, Turing was able to apply a polynomial-time reduction to the original Halting Problem, and the result was:
for( ;; ) ;
[edit] Turing Power
Turing is also known for being the power source behind Tesco. See Haskell.
[edit] Homosexuality
Turing, who was gay (in the homosexual sense), subtly influenced computer science itself to be homosexual. For instance: it was first decided to have computers run on 2's and 7's. But Turing had this changed to 1's and 0's - because 1 looks like an erect penis, and 0 like a huge glory hole. Nuf said.
