Alanis Morissette

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Alanis Morissette was born in Pangaea in 163,456,983 B.C. as a result of the union between Generalfeldmarschall Fritz "I wanted a boy" Grossvanubervold-Morissette and a pterodactyl, Alanis killed and ate her father shortly after birth. Exhibiting a precocious intellect, the young Morissette stole the time machine her father had travelled in and journeyed to the 1970s where, after crash-landing in Canada, she made a life for herself carving life-sized statues of notable French-Canadians out of cheese (How Ironic)

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Alanis Morissette: Isn't it ironic?

After the devastating Montreal cheese riots of the early 80s, Morissette was forced to go into hiding in a secret underground bunker in Nova Scotia. Here, she met the man who was to become her mentor and musical guide - Alfonso Ribeiro. Famous only for playing Carlton in the hit series The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air, Ribeiro was a budding musician and taught Alanis all he knew about writing the tunes before trying to squeeze verbose, arrythmic lyrics around them. Unfortunately, the pair decided to go their separate ways in 1992 after Alfonso became enraged during an argument about the definition of irony and accidentally sharted all over Nedward, Alanis' bichon frise.

Alanis spent the rest of the 90s riding a wave of success, generated through the creation of a self-perpetuating motion device which was used to power a series of genetically enhanced cyborgs which would become the new Republican Administration of the USA. In 2003, she finally managed to repair her father's time machine and travelled to the year 4958 A.D., where she became the High Priestess of a religious cult dedicated to the worship of Patrick Swayze. She died in 4991 after being sucked into the vacuum created when doctors trepanned a clone of Paris Hilton grown from skin scraped from the under the fingernails of Lindsay Lohan's mummified corpse.

[edit] Fun Facts

Is the most possitive human being in the world
Sings like a frog
Won the 1997 MTV Video Music Award in the "Hairiest Snatch" category.
Claims she was abducted by aliens but it was really Jay and Silent Bob.
The aliens deny it ever happened claiming they would never have her on their spaceship as they don't have enough prozac.
Jay and Silent Bob confirm kidnapping her and allowing her onto their spaceship as they did have enough weed to cope.
Cannot go near a noose as she has the highest risk of depression related suicide in the Universe
Hates anything with a penis
Once made out with Dido, sorry type-o, Dildo
Her make out session with Dildo turned naughty
Her song "Ironic" contains no Ironic lyrics which in itself is Ironic, although the jury is still out gorging itself on McDonalds as to whether or not she realises that is the case.

[edit] Discography

Wow It's Gonna Be a HiT! (-1995)
Supposedly Assuaged Psychobabbling Songwriter (0,01998)
Over Night Slept (2,002)
So-Called Endless Happiness (200,004)
Flavors of Mental Tangle Dement (Maybe Someday Il'l Know How to Spell Words Currectly) (200008)