Albanian Garlic Orchestra
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“I want them to play at MY funeral. It's them or the wallpaper.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Albanian Garlic Orchestra
Famed for bursting their goiters in synchrony, members of this traditional orchestra chew all their instruments from cart-loads of garlic, and by arrangement with local strategic arms limitation treaties they always play down-wind, if bribed. Not usually listed in Fodors, but in their traditional costumes of 'schnernoviks' (eggplant skin wetsuits) they are frequently invited to local wedding receptions and abattoirs. Short tours to perform in neighbouring Hertziaustrovakia and Transylvania result in overwhelming acclaim and nausea, giving new meaning to the 'House Full' sign put out by the concert managers.
[edit] Nationalism
The Albanian Garlic Orchestra is the most requested performer of the National anthem of Latveria due to some unexplained confusion about where it is actually from, as the member's language is frequently incomprehensible. Albania has been slow to be admitted to the European Union, mostly due to these performances, and also due to copious consumption of unpasteurized goat's cheese, but it also has close ties with Lithuania as that country's favourite tipple Svyturys is the most popular imported tractor fuel, and the Lithuanian military is frequently seen flying over Tirana waving hello after its consumption. The orchestra did not take part in the Great Patriotic Fatherland War of Liberation as it was too late to RSVP.
[edit] Sport
The Albanian Garlic Orchestra is also less well known for its prowess at cricket, although it defeated a touring test team ('The Ponts') from Australia 12-0 after extra time for drinks, and frequently play-off against Bulgaria and Macedonia in the Eurovision Song Contest. This is usually in the pretty port city of HLanndhloccked, with its gardens of regional sputum flowers and drunks. It is rarely admitted to the actual contest, lacking the requisite endorsement from the national Eurovision Committee, which is in any case usually out camping in the mountains somewhere with no TV reception.
