Alexander Lifeson

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THÏS ÄRTÏCLË RÄẄKS
Höẅëvër, ït nëëds mörë ümläüts.

Blame it on Canada

We know those crazy canucks are somehow connected to this.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Alexander Lifeson.

Alex Lifeson

Statistics
Real name	Aleksander Samwise Maple Syrup Legolas Živojinović
Born	1950-something
Affiliations	Rush, Geddy Lee's Maple Syrup Band, Serbian Nationalist Orchestra, John Rutsey Needs Insulin (boom) Too Late, The Thailand Express
Style	Rock, Prog Rock, Heavy Metal, Psychedelic Rock, Arena Rock, Crappy Eighties Rock, Folk, Canadian Rock, Classical, Jazz
Instrument(s)	Guitar, Piano, Bass, Drums, Harmonica, Pot Smoking
Notable relatives	Tito, Terrence and Phillip, Ike Broflofski, Alexander the Great
Also Known As	Alex, Alexander the Great, Alexander the Not So Great, Alexander the Serb, Alexander the Canadian, Alexander the Lifeson, Alexander the Guitarist From Rush, Rush's guitarist, That Guy

“He was the guitarist for that band with that song on Rock Band, right?”

~ Oscar "Bitches" Wilde on Alex Lifeson

“It must suck to be the only lead guitarist in the entire world who was upstaged by the drummer.”

~ Pete Townshend on Alex Lifeson before he was upstaged by Keith Moon

“Who?”

~ Geddy Lee and Neil Peart on Alex Lifeson

“Rush has a guitar player?”

~ Rush fan on Alex Lifeson

[edit] Early Life

Aleksandar Živojinović (I did not make that up) was born in a bar in Serbia. After consuming 30 shots of plum brandy a few seconds after he was born, he asked why gays and Croatians were hated so much. Upon asking this he and his entire family were forcibly removed from Serbia by the army. Lifeson's parents, being the pot addicts they were, decided to avoid America and headed straight to Canada.

Not only was the dragon a sick nasty guitar player, it also had a taste for flamboyant fruit hats.

14 year old Lifeson wandered into a cave where he found the big red Rush dragon. Instead of eating him like what dragons should do, it taught Lifeson how to play guitar. Lifeson emerged 6 years later with a Gibson Les Paul, and smelling heavily of plum brandy. Lifeson played a riff so awesome the hills shook, fell down, and the dragon died of a massive heart attack. His skills were met with "meh-eh" by the Canadian townspeople though. He then set off on a quest to find the greatest drummer, bassist and vocalist ever.

[edit] Career With Rush

Instead he found John Rutsey and the first bassist/vocalist, whose name will not even be mentioned. They were a pretty crappy Buddy Holly cover band, and it seemed they would suck forever. However, one day Geddy Lee walked into their practice room by accident,(he was looking for the bathroom) and as soon as he stepped into the room the first bassist/vocalist spontaneously combusted. Geddy immediately joined the band.

They then recorded some awesome shit called Rush, and started touring Canadia. Tragedy struck one night though, when Rutsey exploded on stage for diabetes related reasons. Sources say he had eaten a cupcake laced with LSD and trace amounts of cupcake.

You bastard.

Undettered, Lifeson and Geddy began to search for a new drummmer. All of them sucked until one day Neil Peart walked in, and sucked even more than the rest on the four-piece drum set. The next day, Peart walked back in with 3 more drum sets he "borrowed" and he blew the brains out of everyone's skull in a 5-mile radius with the awesomeness of his playing, save for Geddy and Alex. With Alex's quest complete, Rush went on to kick major ass. On Rush's fourth album Geddy and Neil ask Alex to write a song, Alex have very few ideas of his own, decided to describe exactly what he was doing at the time. The song "A Passage to Bangkok" was written and released on 2112, narrowly beating Peart's "Another Lord of the Rings Song".

[edit] The Rest of Alex's life

Alex went on to marry his first and only girlfriend (the loser). They had the unplanned child 5 years before marriage, and the 2nd one inherited Lifeson's skill and is definitely the favorite. Phillip Živojinović went on to write the acoustic instrumental "Hope", featured on the Snakes and Arrows album. Phillip also wrote a song cut from the album entitled "Hey Terrence, I've Got Something In My Ass For You". "Hey Terrence, I've Got Something In My Ass For You" was featured as a B-Side on the single of "Far Cry".

What a nerd.

Lifeson's current residence

Alex Lifeson's two sons. Oddly enough all of their Serbian heritage has been removed

[edit] Alex's Solo Work

Not even worth mentioning.

[edit] Trivia

Trivia sections are are very true Canadain!

The article could be improved by reading it upside-down, or something, I dunno. Did you know it's impossible to lick your own elbow? Unless you're some kind of freak.

Alex Lifeson still doesn't know what Lord of the Rings is.

Živojinović means "Descendant of the Great Canadian Slayer" in Serbian.

Some people in Serbia believe Alex Lifeson to be the second coming of Jesus.

Steve Howe totally rips off of Alex Lifeson.

"A Passage to Bangkok" was originally written about a mythical war in Thailand, but that pothead Geddy Lee changed the lyrics.

Ancient drawings of the war in Thailand

The washing machines seen on stage at Rush concerts are actually Lifeson's amps.

Ike Broflovski is Alex Lifeson's other illegitimate son.

Alex Lifeson's solo work is worth mentioning.

Alex Lifeson never did drugs.

Alex Lifeson has a total collection of over 30,000,000,000,000 PRS, Gibson, and Fender guitars, each is used during every Rush concert.

Here Lifeson is seen using his patented acoustic-electric double neck guitar which he made by gluing a Les Paul to an acoustic guitar.

Alex Lifeson discovered while recording "Malignant Narcissism" that Neil Peart could actually play the regular drum set. This shocked him so much he could only play an A chord the entire song and lost the ability to solo.