Alien abduction
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The phenomenon of Alien abduction is a dark stain on human-alien relations.
Every year, many innocent, fun-loving aliens visit Earth. They come here to see the sights, maybe take in a movie, possibly visit a nice restaurant or two, and score a good deal at Nordstroms, as well as any pharmacies holding going out of business sales. Unfortunately, many aliens when visiting farming or countryside locations unwittingly fall into the hands of a low IQ species of human, known to aliens as yokels and red staters, but on the distant planet Kibosh, the yokels are also known as "trailer park in-breds."
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[edit] Misunderstandings
Alas, various misunderstandings can take place. In one well-documented incident in 1973, in Arkansas USA, a yokel-wife mistook a simple speech translator as an anal probe. The embarrassed aliens spent weeks washing the thing before it was clean.
With misunderstanding comes suspicion, as local authorities are often notified of the vacationing aliens by the confused yokels, and the aliens handed into the care of the police. The police, not knowing how to respond to requests such as: "Where is a restaurant that serves food to the xercfa-intolerant", or: "I'd like to take a photo of you shaking hands with that cow", often sentence the aliens to jail and throw away the key.
Currently there are 427 aliens that have been abducted in this fashion, and are languishing in jails around the globe. This, of course, doesn't take into account any of the aliens eaten by the French.
[edit] The Time-Space Continuum
Most alien abductions happen on Earth, but a select few do occasionally occur in the time-space continuum. These piratical captures of mostly-innocent extraterrestrial species are commonly executed by Canadians. The Canadanian commander is fabled to resemble ex-Senator John Kerry, but confirmations of this fact still elude America's leading scientists. The break in the time-space continuum is a popular hangout for many aliens, and the Canadians capture the poor creatures mercilessly and without a trial by jury.
[edit] Probage
There have been many instances where "Abductees" have told stories of being probed by alien beings. There is much controversy around this issue as many (if not all) of these claimants are unquestionably insane and all are either forcibly admitted to looney bins or shunned by their friends, family and society in general. The probe devices vary from microchips implanted under people's skin, to detailed accounts of anal probes being forced through the anus and into the rectum. Some of these nutcases have even admitted to having consentual sex with and alien, becoming pregnant, and having an elaborate legal battle over custody. This resulted in the alien mother getting every second weekend. The knocked up father broke a world record for most children birthed from a male (This alien species has been known to produce up to 53 offspring in one litter) .
