Alkmaar

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[edit] Alkmaar

Alkmaar is an obscure isolated village in Holland. It's very well known because of its cheese market, which occurs every Friday morning. Besides its function of giving pickpockets the chance to steal as much money from insecure tourists as possible, it also serves as a meeting point for leather-licking homosexuals. (such as Gerard Joling, Bart van L. and Marco Borsato). For gay meeting places fun you should go the parking place in front of the "Pannenkoekenschip" (The "Pancakeship") at night.

The mayor of Alkmaar is a bald lesbian midget named Harmke Pijpgraag. She won the local elections in 2004 from her opponent Jacques D'ancona.

Alkmaar is ruled by a masculine girl, namely Amanda van Larvae (aka Mandiz).

[edit] Religion

The main and only religion of Alkmaar is doziism, a cult founded by Peter R. de Vries in the 1600s.

De Blije Mare
This is a place called "The Blije Mare", which means "The Happy Sea".

An infamous building in Alkmaar is the doziist church 'de Blije Mare' where rockstars such as Dave Mustaine and James Hetfield supposedly rape oriental teenage boys at a regular basis. It's said to occur at night time, when the church is empty and the altar is available for devillish deeds. It's common that people find instruments like duct-tape, which have been used at night.

The doziist organisation Youth Contact has scattered infamy across the land because they claim to be the modern-day incarnation of the legendary scouting club the Hitlerjugend, which according to many is blasphemy.

[edit] Conflicts

Despite Alkmaar's small size, it does have a ghetto, known as Bergen. They have been at war with Alkmaar since 807, fighting for separation because they want to pronounce the 'r' more poncy than Alkmaar allows.

Speaking of wars, the religious war between Alkmaar and the city of Broek op Langedijk has raged for decades. The death toll is enormous. The ultra-christian Langedijk wants to whipe Alkmaar and it's doziism off the map, but so far with little success. The spiritual leader of Langedijk, Ruud Gullit, of AZ Alkmaar, has said that they would do whatever it takes to still accomplish their goal (1-0).