All Heaven Team

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The All-Heaven Team was created in the year 2082 when Satan challenged Jesus to a game of football for the possession of Earth. If Jesus lost the bet, he would've not only had to lose possession of Heaven and Earth, but he would have to go streaking through New York City. If Satan lost, He would have to go to Sea World and take his pants off and pee on Shamu.

Contents

[edit] The Draft

The Draft took place on April 21st, 2082 inside of a Fredrick's of Hollywood store in Lakeland, Florida. Jesus had the first selection and it was in snake order.

[edit] Notable People on Satan's Team

[edit] Notable People on Jesus' Team

[edit] First Quarter

The First Quarter was tough for Satan's team. The first turnover was caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick right to Emanuel Lewis' Websters. The All Heaven Team used a Two Quarterback formation which confused Satan's team because they didn't know which man of Magical Powers had the ball (Tom Brady and Brett Favre). LaDanian Tomlinson broke a Million Yard run and was brought down at the 1 yard line before handing the ball over to Emeka Okafor for the Touchdown. The Heaven team was up 21-0 at the end of the first quarter.

[edit] Second Quarter

Jesus decided to put Joe Montana in the game, but for the first time in his life he choked in a big situation as he got intercepted by Adam Morrison's mustache, who took the Interception all the way back for a Touchdown. In an attempt of murder, Ty Cobb threw a baseball in the air and hit it right at Roger Federer's way, Federer immediately got his Tennis Racket and took Cobb out with a beautiful backhand finisher. Satan pulled a trick play out of his sleeve when he motioned Mike Jones out to the flank to receive a screen pass, but it ended up not being a screen pass as Joe Namath threw a two Million yard Touchdown pass to Oscar Wilde. The Score at the half was 21-14.

[edit] Halftime

During halftime, Michael Jackson was at the stands trying to molest some children, but he was stopped by a Steve Nash bounce pass to the testicles. Aerosmith and The Rolling Stones' bones played at the Halftime Show along with Rod Stewart. Joe Namath had sex with Suzy Kolber at halftime.

[edit] Third Quarter

The 2nd half started off with a five million yard kick return for touchdown by Tony Kornheiser. Tiger Woods hit Kornheiser afterwards with his Driver of Doom after Kornheiser started talking about how many fantasy points that would give his team. The game was all tied as Jesus had to pull out a great drive to establish dominance back in the game. Brett Favre conjured up some of his magical powers to bring his father, Irvine Favre in the game. The duo proved deadly as they combined for the next Million points...all scored in the 3rd quarter. At the end of 3 the score was 1,000,021 to 21.

[edit] Fourth Quarter

Satan was amazed by Jesus' gameplan, so he decided to unleash his secret weapon, TONY ROMO! Jesus' team had no answer for his Intensity, Integrity, and Intelligence. He scored the next million and a two points to give Satan's team a 2 point lead late in the game. But, this was no problem for Tom Brady as he's lead a total of 56 million comeback victories during his illustrious career. Tom Brady led his team down the field and set Adam Vinateri up for a 4 billion yard field goal with all the pressure in the world on him. Vinateri, up to this point, had never missed a field goal in his life. Even back in the day when he was playing for the Jesuit Community College team in New York City he was kicking 80 yard field goals with ease. Vinateri's kick sailed wide right as time expired. The All Heaven Team lost because of Adam Vinateri. Martin Gramatica ran out to the field to celebrate, but he broke all of his bones and died instantly.

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