Alliance Of The Fallen Turkey
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The Alliance of the Fallen Turkey, or AFT, began in western Kansas in the late 1980s. It started as a way for farmers to differentiate themselves from the common folk. It escaped Kansas in the early 90s by way of the Internet. The cult consists of formal rules that members adhere to. Anyone can join, as long as they pledge to themselves to follow the rules. Members referrer to each other as Fallen Turkeys, The Fallen, or simply Turkeys.
[edit] The Rules
The following is a transcript of the rules, as found on a truck stop flyer.
- Cell phones are referred to as shoes, as in "Your shoe is ringing".
- Upon waking, if the sky is cloudy, go back to sleep.
- You may masturbate only while listening to Van Halen.
- When asked "How are you doing?", you must reply "How am I doing what?"
- You must never cross your t's or dot your i's, except on the Wednesdays.
- Christmas is celebrated with the traditional holiday Slurpee.
- Dating outside of the Alliance is demanded; Dating within forbidden.
- Instead of traditional goodbyes, you must say "Roger; Doggy in the pond".
- Birthdays are only celebrated on Opposite Years (See below).
Finally, Opposite Day must be observed by all members. The Day of Opposite always fall on the Hay Moon, except during Opposite Years. Opposite Years come two years after leap year. Opposite Day is observed starting with spaghetti without sauce for breakfast. This is in honor of original Fallen Turkey, who only could eat spaghetti during the Hay Moon.
During Opposite Day, Fallen Turkeys must shake hands using their left instead of right, in honor of the original Fallen Turkey, who lost his right hand during a tractor accident. At exactly 12:00PM, Fallen Turkeys go cold turkey, fasting until the next day. Fallen Turkeys are required sleep under the stars on Opposite Day.
