Alternate Universes I Seriously Hope Do Not Actually Exist
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This article doesn't actually exist. The author may be traveling faster than the speed of light. You can make it exist by disuncreating it.
In humanity's endless quest for new and more interesting ways to bullshit, people have come up with a wide variety of "alternate universes," which are always completely identical to our own aside from some really superficial difference like everybody being a slave to Madonna (the blonde one). Due to the generally screwed up nature of humanity, some of these alternate universes have been screwed up. For the benefit of any major or minor deity considering starting an alternate universe or two, we've assembled this list of alternate universes you should seriously never make. Ever. And if they do exist, for the love of Bono, please smash them. Thank you.
- This is an incomplete list. The author may be too lazy to finish their own article and/or deeply hungover. New entries are
welcomemandatory.
The AAAAAAAAA! Universe
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The Alternate Universe where Pepsi Does Not Exist
In this universe, Pepsi does not exist and Coca Cola holds a near monopoly in the cola market. This alternate universe was believed to exist only in certain Middle Eastern countries and the Soviet Union - not in any Western nation. However, slightly before the Nike Revolution of 2006 this was proven wrong, as a group of researchers at the University of Michigan, when taking a break from 18,000 hrs straight of intense neurobicicological bioscientific research to get a Pepsi found, to their dismay, that Pepsi had vanished and Coke held a near monopoly on the beverage market. They settled for water.
NOTE: This alternative universe does have a few isolated anomalies - that is, locations where Pepsi can be found. They are:
- Various restaurants in the Michigan Union
- the HKN Donut Stand (which is also the only place in the U.S. where you can find Euroipods)
The iPod Universe
The alternate universe where nothing can modified or replaced. If any part of anything is broken or dies, whether it be your set of Legos, PC, Car, in-ground pool/jacuzzi, house, mansion, or skyscraper, you will have to dispose of it and buy a new one/set.
The King-Stein Universe
The alternate universe just like ours, except every time Stephen King or R. L. Stein publishes another book, the events in the book take place in the other universe. Also, Oprah Winfrey is there to terrorize the entire universe in the days King and Stein aren't writing new books.
The Alternate Universe where Wikipedia tells the truth and Uncyclopedia tells lies
Quite simple. Uncyclopedia lies there, and Wikipedia tells the truth. New research states that everything is completely in reverse in this universe, as everyone knows that in reality, Uncyclopedia tells the truth and Wikipedia lies.
The O.C. Alternate Universe
It's like a soap opera, but with teen music playing in the background at completely random moments. And everybody's really, really white!
This alternate universe actually did exist at one point. Thankfully it was swallowed by the yawning black expanse of Peter Gallagher's eyebrows, with possible help from Liam and Noel Gallagher's eyebrows.
Conan O'Brien-less Alternate Universe
An alternate universe very much like ours, except there's no Conan O'Brien. No Conan O'Brien at all. The very thought sends shivers down my spine. A YTMND recreation of Conan O'Brien-less Alternate Universe
Conan O'Brien-only Alternate Universe
An alternate universe very much like ours, except that every human being is Conan O'Brien and The Late Show doesn't exist. Conan O'Brien is everywhere, or more accurately, everyone. Mating occurs only through the "if they mated" computer sex program, and because they only have two Conan O'Briens to choose from, all If They Mated Holy Shit They Mated Mate Babies are perfect duplicates of Conan O'Brien.
Carson Daly-only Alternate Universe
An alternate universe very much like ours, except that every human being is Carson Daly. I seriously fucking hope this universe does not exist.
Perpetual 80's Alternate Universe
Like this one needs any explanation.
Blessedly it died some time ago, but as of late it has been revived and is seeping through the cracks of our universe through Strawberry Shortcake and inexplicably successful Bon Jovi albums. The Care Bears have also made a reappearence, except instead of regular crappy, jumpy animation, they're using crappy, stiff computer animation. And Funshine Bear's had a sex change.
It is also important to note that in this alternate universe, after December 31, 1989 all calendars and time-keeping devices revert back to January 1, 1980. This is thought to be due to a bug in the alternate universe's C64 system code. It is important to note that once returned to 1980, the Berlin Wall has to be rebuilt in order for it to be taken down again in 1989.
Sporting sideburns or any large collars will bar entry into this universe. Tennis shorts and aviator sunglasses will get you free entry before 10pm.
Alternate Universe Where They Still Think Leeches Are A Miracle Cure For Everything
Got the flu? Missed your last seven electric bill payments? Got caught cheating on your girlfriend? Really, really ugly? Despairing at the hopelessness of it all? Well, just slap some bloodsucking annelids on your face and your troubles will all go away just as soon as you lose consciousness. Like beer, but with dying instead of hangovers.
Small World Alternate Universe
Everyone around you knows you through someone else. EVERYONE. There is only one degree of separation -- if that -- and everyone you see begins and ends every conversation with a slightly interesting axiom.
Small Wonder Alternate Universe
A universe that is exactly like this one, except everyone has a robot girl for a sister and/or daughter. See also Japan.
Small Soldiers Alternate Universe
In this universe, toys are evil and want to kill everybody. No acceptable explanation has ever been given for this. Christmas is a national day of mourning in all countries, save Israel, where it is considered a welcome respite from Hanukkah-induced agonies.
Fantanas Alternate Universe
Everything is in blinding shades of purple and red and yellow and whatever the other one is. The song is constantly stuck in your head no matter with what you counter it. And every few minutes, one of THEM will run up to you with eyes wide as madwoman's and cackle, "Wanta Fanta?" If you say no, you are killed instantly. Consequently, most people say no.
Everything Explodes in Your Mouth Like Pop Rocks, but With the Force of TNT
Mmm, key lime p--KABLAMMO!
Everyone Is Gay Except You Universe
Everyone except you is gay in this universe. Don't ask me how they procreate, I don't have an idea. But the problem is still there; they're gay and they will be there for at least another generation. Your son brings a boyfriend to home and your husband -if you're a man- or your wife -if you're a woman- is happy that "he grows up so fast", while you are left wondering how the hell you've ended up there. All football games are played with a rainbow-colored ball and, for some reason, your friends keep calling you "Chrissy-poo" or "John-doll". The others only drink light drinks at bars and they are never afraid to acknowledge that there are some men more attractive than them.
If you are under eighteen, you are the one who gets bashed at school for being straight, and the kids call you "straight-o" or "minge lover". Fred Phelps and Pat Robertson organizes anti-straight parades with signs such as "God Hates Straights and Straight-Enablers".
Everybody Speaks French Except You Alternate Universe
Imaginez un Univers où il n'existerait que des gens qui parlent français, ça serait terrifiant non ? Feel how alienating that was? Imagine that happening all the time.
Recent studies have shown that this universe cannot possibly exist, ever, unless you're have the misfortune to also exist in the "woefully-underprepared exhange student" Alternate Universe as well.
Alternative Universe
Your underground society/music genre has been taken over by the mainstream. People imitate your music's sound in the interest of selling records, a direct violation of your values. Eventually the guy everyone thinks of as your figurehead shoots himself and everything keeps going downhill from there. And there's no water. Only OK Cola.
The Alternative Small Universe
A universe exactly just like this one, just everything is a lot smaller.
The Alternative Big Universe
A universe exactly just like this one, just everything is a lot bigger.
Universe Where Uncyclopedia Doesn't Have This Article
If this article didn't exist, then how would you know which alternate universes you should hope don't exist? Without an expert authority on the matter, you might accidentally hope that You Have A Trillion Dollars and There's Naked Boobs Everywhere Universe doesn't exist. And then some evil god would listen to your wish and not create that universe. Everyone else would find out that you were responsible and then you'd have no friends, ever.
Maniverse
A universe populated entirely by men. This universe isn't all that bad, until you discover how you get pregnant in it. See articles (elsewhere) on mpreg for more details. For those who are really interested, also see articles on Fanfiction.net.
Maniverse (alternate)
Every male is a really rather good bassist from Manchester. No, I don't know why either.
Womaniverse
Could you imagine what this universe would be like during that time of the month? Then again, you don't care if you're male seeing as you wouldn't exist. Actually, this universe may be useful as a place to send hardened criminals for sensitivity classes.
The Toast-Less Universe
A universe without toast. Bread melts.
The Alternative Uni-Universe
Where everyone's a stinky nerd explaining to you why being in a university college is great: fast Internet connection and huge libraries. Whenever you look for parties and chicks, you only find LAN-parties and stinky nerds explaining to you why being in a university college is great: fast Internet connection and huge libraries. See RIT.
Wilde-less Universe
A universe in which it was Oscar Wilde who was killed in that ill-fated duel. Without the interference of Wilde, it would be Lord Byron who would become the most quoted man of his time as well as the greatest man ever to live.
“Yes! I now rule Uncyclopedia!!!”
~ Lord Byron on Wilde-less Universe
Wilde-only Universe
“Everyone is the greatest person in the universe, so therefore nobody is, plus everyone has the same job, and every one looks the same. I hate this place.”
~ Oscar Wilde #2344.9 on Wilde only Universe
The Party Universe
The Party Universe is, in itself, one huge party, and everyone's invited. Everyone there gets totally wasted and passes out in the bushes in the backyard. The GPA for the entire U.S. is around 0.1 on a good year, and most of the time no one knows where they are or why they are clutching a bottle rocket in one hand and a roll of used toilet paper in the other.
Everyone is very laid back in this universe, which explains why there are no wars, arguments, television programs, no economy, and basically nothing except for the occasional college guy who has to "work the late shift at the gas station," which serves its purpose as the only store anyone goes to in order to get some free booze. The legal drinking age is 4, and not being drunk at all times is a federal offense.
How does that make sense? It doesn't. That's why God has seriously considered destroying this universe on mulitple occasions, if it were not for the sweet parties Larry throws when his folks are out.
The Linux Universe
Linux universe is where Linux runs on 95% of all the world's computers and Windows is a small proprietary project doomed to the halls of mindless FORTRAN and COBOL programmers. Linus Torvalds is the head of a multibillion dollar corporation that owns Red Hat, Wal-Mart, McDonald's, Ford Motor Co. and Hollywood. Computer scientists and 'l33t haxx0rs complain about this shoddy Unix-based rubbish with its horrible X Window System graphics, its appalling need for a reboot just to update hardware or change the kernel and its uptimes as low as two years; and are disgusted that high-quality systems with actual robustness like VMS are not more popular. Some people will buy any old crap, looks like. Also known as the Dirty Hippyverse.
The Astrology-less universe
Imagine a universe in which you wouldn't be able to tell every single detail about a person's past and future by just simply asking him/her, "What's your birthday?" Now, what kind of fucked up, stupid universe would that be? No... don't even think about it.
The universe where everyone is the Kool-Aid Man
"OH YEAH!"
- -
The Kool-Aid Man on The universe where everyone is the Kool-Aid Man
How can this not go wrong? Some walls are important! Reactor cores, for example!
The Rent Universe
Time is measured not in years, but in daylights, sunsets, midnights, and cups of coffee. (See also inches, miles, laughter, and strife). Everyone has AIDS and likes to sing about it. Constantly. As in every day of every cup of coffee.
The Text Adventure Universe
Where you can only interact with the world through two-word commands made up entirely of simple verbs and nouns, but due to poor programming even the simplest commands are useless.
| Your Apartment | Score: 0 | Moves: 7 |
|
"It's Monday morning and your rent is two months overdue. You wake to the sound of your landlord pounding on your door. Your stomach makes an unpleasant noise, and you realize that you have not eaten in three days. There is a vile smell coming from the kitchen. A half-eaten pizza is in an empty box by the side of your bed. There is an exit to the south."
"I do not understand the word 'EAT'."
"You cannot do that right now."
"The pizza is a little moldy and should have been thrown out days ago, but at least you're not hungry anymore. There is an empty pizza box lying by the side of your bed. The pounding at your door is getting louder. There is an exit to the south."
"There is no CLOTHING here."
You have: a half-eaten piece of moldy pizza, unwashed t-shirt, tattered jeans, blue key, hunk of dry bread, flask of foul-smelling liquid.
"I do not understand the word 'WEAR'."
You wear the tattered jeans. You still see most of your legs and underpants through them.
"You do not have a 'SHIRT'"
You wear an unwashed t-shirt. It's damp for some reason. The doorframe begins warping as the person at the door pounds even harder.
Twice as much happens.
You can't get ye flask!
You drink the contents of a flask. Suddenly, a Grue pops out of the flask and eats you. Your body is found two weeks later when your landlord comes to collect your rent and is also eaten by the Grue. You should have read the directions on the flask.
RESTART, RESTORE, UNDO, or QUIT?
"I do not understand 'RESTART.'"
"I do not understand 'RESTORE.'"
"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
| ||
The Piano Man-less Universe
Honestly, what universe could stay functional without the Piano Man? No bar would ever be able to keep a crowd. I mean the bartender knows that it's he they've been coming to see, to forget about life for a while. Without the Piano Man where would the businessmen go to slowly get stoned, and how would the waitress practice her politics? Any universe without the Piano Man would certainly be doomed to destruction and just split apart at the seams. The physical laws that bond any other universe together break down at the moment the old man next to me can longer make love to his tonic and gin.
All Your Base Are Belong To Us Universe
Imagine if you are in this universe. Everybody would kill the hell out of each other to get sombody's base. Careful, or you'll join CATS to gain every base in this universe
The Immortal-Disembodied-Zombie-Billy-Joel-Head-In-Your-Toilet Universe
This universe would be great for everyone afflicted with explosive diarrhea. But or the rest of us, it would sort of suck. Just imagine, if you will, the chorus from "We Didn't Start The Fire" being echoed from beneath a closed toilet seat down the hall at 5am. I recoil at the idea of pissing onto the ranting zombie face of Billy Joel as I unload a heavy bladder. Imagine trying to ignore an 80's mega-icon during a heavy bout of stomach flu, blasting your Cheerios into the bubbly undead nostrils of a crooner. My god, this is some genuine 8th circle Hell.
The Real Life Tales of Fiction Universe
In this univerese, the real world IS fiction. All the fictional clichés WILL happen no matter what. So if you start clashing with a member of the opposite sex whom you really hate and is nothing like you, you WILL end up sleeping with him/her by the end of the month. If you feel unimportant and have no role in life, you WILL become a fatality as a hero is trying to get away/attack a villain. This could be due to being hit by a stray bullet or getting run over by a hearse in a car chase. If, however, you have several heroic qualities and notice that every time something good happens, you're always in the room, then you can't die. Period.
The Universe where the keys on your Keyboard are in Alphabetical Order
Just imagine a world where the keys on your keyboard are in alphabetical order. Nobody would have even heard of qwertyuiop and it would be far too easy to type properly with your eyes closed. Make sure that every night you pray to your pathetic god that he or she never creates this universe.
The Vector Prime Blends Universe
Vector Prime is here to blend. And he cannot boogie down.
See how scary that was?
The Alternate Universe Travel Universe
In this universe, everyone has a device that gives him the ability to travel to any alternate universe. Including the one that seems like a good place to go, but upon arrival, you get killed by a guy who has a grudge against our universe and enough technobabbly weapons to destroy it, and he takes the Alternate Universe travel device, and comes to our universe, and... and...
I'm scared now. Hold me.
Or, as shown by Larry Niven in "All the Myriad Ways," the above is a perfect example of the psychological problems that might result if travel to alternate universes were proven to exist.
Or maybe it has been...
The Communist Universe
Everyone has an AK47, and this universe is awesome. Jokes about Russian Reversal are not funny. There's no war or problems, except the devastating threat of thoughtcrime. This universe is bad ungood after all...
- ....untill the economy collapses.
The Cow Analogy Universe
Everyone has two cows. Other people abuse you and your cows in accordance with their philosophies. You can do nothing except serve as an object lesson.
The Map is the Territory Universe
Enormous, unseen aliens draw geopolitical boundary lines with mile-wide black Magic Markers all over the planet to simplify their Studies of Human Behavior (3 credits, M-W-F 9AM). Millions die from the fumes and from clumsy aliens leaning too hard as they write. Interterritorial wars are stopped shortly after they begin, as the markers have run dry, the aliens are waiting for their backorder to arrive from the Maximegalon Campus Bookstore, and thus they cannot permit any changes to their work. A terrified mankind huddles in fear and gasmasks while the U.S. Government, led by the Zombie Richard Nixon Clone, works to build a coalition to develop Strategic White Board Missiles. Cher, Benji, and François Truffaut star.
YTMND Universe
Can you image a world where the universe is only composed of gifs, jpgs, and wavs? Yeah, and to add, 99% of it would suck! Then you have the residents which are flaming losers who post pictures of sex everywhere. I mean, seriously, that's one horrible place!
Commercial Universe
A conversation is physically impossible without bringing up and buying a product. The average I.Q. in this universe is lower than that of most potatoes.
YOUR THE MAN NOW DOG! -Sean Connery
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7|-|3 |_337 |-|/-\><><()|2 Universe
The universe were everyone speaks 1337, except while on the computer where they use proper English, much to the annoyance of true 1337 hax0rs everywhere.
The Universe Where Everyone Talks Like They're in a Shakespeare Play
Quite possibly the most confusing universe. "Whouldst thou nots agreeth?" See what I mean? Jokes are not funny. All 'Yo Mama' jokes become 'Thy Mother' jokes, such as 'Thy mother art rather unintelligent, for she stumbles upon a cord to a telephone which hath none,' which makes no sense! At the end of each day everyone ether dies or gets married.
Alternate Universe in which You were never born
OK, so I know it would be a lot better for everyone else, but it would sure suck to be you! So don't become suicidal or anything ... unless I get all your money. :)
This Universe
Hate to break it to you, you're in an alternate universe. The real one is over there. Behind there. No. Not there. Left a bit. Right. Right. There. Glad we got that sorted out.
The redundant universe
This universe is exactly like ours, and therefore does not need to exist.
The redundant universe
This universe is exactly like ours, and therefore does not need to exist.
The redundant universe
This universe is exactly like ours, and therefore does not need to exist.
Sub Dimension 18: The Universe Without Pants
This is not a complete universe, rather, it is a sub universe but still an alternate reality. In sub dimension 18 pants were never invented. People there just wear underwear or nothing at all. They still wear shirts. It is commonly theorized that many well known cartoon characters came from this dimension. Examples include Donald Duck, Chip and Dale, Krillin, Jabber Jaw, Stinky Pete, and Gogo Lester Hedgehog.
The Universe where there's no beer except American Beer
The mere thought of this makes my thoughts bleed. (If you don't believe that thoughts can bleed, think about this universe for a while. Don't say I didn't tell you!) Because of some freak accident in the time-space continuum, real beer was never invented, and there's only Amerikan Beer! In this universe, the Last Man took his own life in desperation and 1995, and the world is ruled by squirrels.
The Universe where I'm evil and can grow a goatee
I'm not sure what I sacrificed in my quest for righteousness, and I'd like to keep it that way.
The Dilbert Universe
Dilbert is real, and managers are all stupi- Oh, hang on... That's our universe. Sorry
The Armageddon Universe
Where the president is a violent moron who...Oh Shit!
The hippie Universe
The universe where hippies are everywhere, like in the '70s when...uh...dude, my hands are HUGE!
The universe in which alternate universes don't exist
By going there you erase our existence including yours so you never existed to have went so we do exist so you can go and by going there you erase our existence including yours so you never existed to have went so we do exist so you can go and by going there you erase our existence including yours so you never existed to have went so we do exist so you can go and by going there...
Goatse Universe
In this universe, anybody can do the goatse, and you'll have to see it dozens of times each day. And you're actually watching it happen, rather than just seeing a jpg. And no matter how hard you try, you cannot gouge your eyeballs out.
The Bush Universe
He can, and will, get elected again. And again. And again. The following preemptive strikes and occupations are to be expected, as organized by start date:
- Iran (2009-17)
- Venezuela (2012-46)
- North Korea (2014-19)
- Vietnam II (2031-2122)
- Canada (2035-39)
- Iraq III (2041- ...?)
The following laws will be enacted:
- The USA PATRIOT Act II: All homes must have Telescreens. Newspeak official language of America. Crimethink doubleplusungood.
- The God Hates Fags Act: Any quoting of Oscar Wilde punishable by death, trial deemed not worth the time.
- The Voting Rights Act: In order to vote, one must be a card-carrying member of the Republican Party. Since The Party already knows who you're going to vote for, there is no physical voting, your vote is automatically counted towards The Party's candidates.
The Wordless Universe
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The Nihilist Universe
The Censored Universe
Imagine a universe where everything that is on print, on TV, on banana stickers, or in the sky, was unbiasedly censored. Free speech would be non-existent, thoughts would be suppressed, and all media would be controlled by the government. No one would be allowed to question the government's decisions or motives, as they would be arrested and terminated from existence. This universe would be like 1984 to the 23rd power.
The universe where everyone makes references to Brave New World instead of 1984
The plusgood news is that you don't have to love Big Brother or hate Emmanuel Goldstein anymore. The bad news is that now you're an Epsilon-Minus Semi-Moron who has to do menial factory work all day. But at least there's soma, right? Oh, and every girl you want will sleep with you. Yeah, that part is nice.
Uncyclopedia without RadicalX to Photoshop
 LinkTGF would attempt to take over and cause Uncyclopedia to totally suck. It would have images that LinkTGF thinks are clever (but really aren't) and all the entries would be really shitty. It would suck so much that it would be forced to change its name to Encyclopedia Dramatica or Wikipedia or something lame like that. Here is a list of topics LinkTGF thinks are funny to Photoshop (but others think suck):
In short, a world without RadicalX would suck. |
In Soviet Russia, Alternate Universe is in YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, "What if there was an alternate universe where everything was in Russian Reversal?" thinks YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" screams YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, pass outs YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, "That's damn scary!" yells YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, "And what if you couldn't speak normal English without being executed?" thinks YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, opressed would be YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, suicide would commit YOU!!
Rednecks Switched With Raccoons Universe
In this universe, raccoons hunt rednecks, and use them to make hats with mullets hanging off the back.
Grue Universe
Grues have taken over the world, and the only remaining humans live in as shielded an area as possible...and get eaten by grues soon after. Eurgs don't exist there.
Universe without Un-Bestiary Punishments
Nobody would be punished for their mistakes there. Wait, this is this universe! Oh no!
Screamer Universe
You wake up, go to work/school, eat lunch, go to the bathr-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You wake up the next day and it starts all over again.
The Pirateless Universe
There's no such thing as pirates, the FSM is pissed off all the time, and ninjas took over the world before time began. Everyone is trained in ninjistu therefore ninjas are no longer mysterious and no longer cool. Burying treasure is an offense worthy of seppuku.
On the plus side the Sexy no Jutsu is used by everyone on a daily basis.
The Ninjaless Universe
There's no such thing as ninjas, Bruce Lee is pissed off all the time, and pirates took over the world before time began. Everyone is part of a single pirate crew and the captain is a real dick. Throwing shuriken is an offense worthy of being made to walk the plank. Taki doesn't exist and thus there is little meaning to life.
On the plus side buried treasure is everywhere.
The Pirate Ninja Universe
The pirates and ninjas get along. This universe was formed because of the pirateless and ninjaless universes colliding and then imploding right after the collision. Anyone not being a pirate or a ninja or a pirate ninja will be killed on sight. Though that is pretty much impossible because EVERYONE is one of the two or both.
Jerkalope Universe
In this universe, Jerkalopes mate on the 30th of June, rather than the 31st. This means that their population is MUCH larger, and people live in fear of meeting one every time they leave their bomb shelters.
Universe of Bears
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Just imagine bears everywhere. You want to use the internet? All you will get is bears. Want to use the toilet. The bears will watch you. Want to get a job? You have to go through the bears first. etc.
A universe where every sport is called football
There's already two sports called "football". Do we really need more?
Neckaverse
This universe nearly the same as our own, except everyone has reaaaly long necks, consequently taller cars, buildings, bridges, walls. Neck Vaulting is a popular sport and neckstabation is a common sexual activity.
Velcrohairiverse
Everyone has velcro for hair. It serves no real purpose and makes sex very difficult... Or would it?
Oscar Wilde Universe.2
Everyone is Oscar Wilde except You, everyone (or everywilde) has done everything already. People envy you for not having done it all and being a worthless nowilde. Everywilde wishes they were nowildes like you. You rule the Youcyclopedia.
The Random Universe
Exactly the same as this universe, except that is nothing like it. Expect the unexpected. You may go days and nothing may happen at all, but sometimes, every now and then people would cupcake and artichoke for expediting monkies, plier, cobblestone a pipepipe. This will happen to you and sometimes random people will just knock on your door and already be in the house. They would paint the walls with egg yoke and then jump through a flaming cactus. You may end up in a sea of cum! (Which is off the north coast of Brazillian in this universe.) Purple is a common shape and honey is made by fermenting chickens with Peter Cushing, which is then compactified in to 5000 veriable indices, ajunct to the spinor and avimatual polar states. Post-punmatic zimmerframe aligators are sold on ebay §5.155 per tincture, but effect a cost of less than what is commonly thought of as more. Lord Quiverin Poofinger is the Queen of the universe and 488558 885899 5 88 4487898 777 --954+799 classroom449644.. with a sharp5446456654 to my 4764 with your147617618718 octipus 169 camel hair... Yeah... you know you like that! Sometimes the sky would flash polkadots and it will rain lemmings, but they will actually look like lemings from the game Lemings. Every Tuesday, (exept every other, other Tuesday where your feet will bleed blamonge) your tongue will vanish and will be replaced by either a party blower, or a wooden snake depending on your political and clinical views on radiator cabbage. Also, platypi will only be served milkshake after 65PM on the 84th of Pentember of every carbuncle. Boxes of orgasms will feature a teacher made from clichés and oxtrodentric pumphorses, sliding on rays of funge, too!
Cillit Bang Universe
Here everyone is called Barry Scott and everyone goes about shouting at people about Cillit Bang even though everyone already has it. A common conversation in this universe would go something like this:
A man walking down the street sees another man on the other side of the road.
"HI! I'M BARRY SCOTT!" He screams. "HAVE YOU TRIED NEW CILLIT BANG!?"
"HI I'M BARRY SCOTT!" The other man replies. "YES I HAVE!! IT REMOVES DIRT IN NO TIME! BANG AND THE DIRT IS GONE!"
"HI I'M BARRY SCOTT'S WIFE, BARRY SCOTT!" Screams a woman from a nerby house with a deep, unusually male voice. "WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS BARRY SCOTT? BANG! HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING CILLIT BANG AGAIN?!"
"HI MY WIFE BARRY SCOTT, I'M BARRY SCOTT! YES I HAVE! BANG, AND YOUR VOICE IS GONE! BITCH!"
"HI, I'M BARRY SCOTT'S WIFE AND YOU'RE IN THE DOGHOUSE!" His wife drags him in, slamming the door behind her.
The other man just smiles and screams: "BANG! AND THAT MAN IS GONE!"
All they sell in supermarkets is Cillit Bang, cars run on it, people drink it, eat it in solid form and use it as grout and a weapon of mass-destruction.
Uphilliverse
Due to weird spacial distortions, everywhere is uphill, even if you were to turn around and try to go back down the hill, it would be "up". Everyone s fitter, but leans forward and they would fall over if they were to enter a normal "flat" universe.
Downhilliverse
The same as the uphilliverse... but everywhere is downhill. Cars have no engines, everyone is really lazy. Planes dont exist because they would never be able to land again.
Drunkiverse
It is the law to be drunk. If you drive sober you are arrested. The ground and cars are soft, and there are handy puke buckets everywhere. Also everyone is bisexual and Drunken Boxing is just called normal boxing.
Retardiverse
In this universe everyone is inbred, your mother is your sister is your wife or whatever and everyone looks like total gimps. Wayne Rooney is from this universe.
Smokeiverse
Here, EVERYONE smokes. Infact it is the law. Joe Camel is president of the galaxy.
Fight Universe
In this contriversal universe, you have to fight someone at least three times a day. It's the law. This universe doesn't exist, offically. There are rules to entering ths universe.
- 1 - The first rule of this universe is, you do not talk about this universe.
- 2 - The second rule of this universe is, you DO NOT talk about this universe.
- 3 - If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, they are out of this universe.
- 4 - Two guys to a fight in the office, park or home.
- 5 - One fight at a time in the office, park or home.
- 6 - No shirts, no shoes... that's generaly, not just in the fight. It's our religion please respect it.
- 7 - The universe will go on for as long as it has to.
- 8 - If this is your first night in the Fight Universe, you have to fight.
Alternate Time Universe
Instead of using the term "O' Clock", time is represented in certain "times", for example "Hammer Time" (4 O'Clock) or "Mr T-Time" (6 O'Clock) or "Penut Butter Jelly Time" 10 O'Clock. The current time is 20 miniutes past Miller Time.
Soap Opera Universe
In this universe, soap is advertised a lot and a lot of bad things and affairs happen regularly.
Ronseal Universe
Everything in this dimension has written on it exactly what the object does. For example a plane would have "uses lift to stay in the air whilst transporting varying numbers of people over long distances." on it. A prison would have "Houses convicts and fellons for a pre-determined period of time depending on the nature and intensity of their crimes." etc.
The Literal Universe
Where everything is quite literal. Citroen C4's actually run on C4 explosives, Gift Horses really exist and if u were to look one in the mouth they would eat you. When you exaggerate you have the ability to turn molehills in to huge mountains of dirt and so on and so forth.
The messed-up universe universe
The world is twisted, like a roller coaster. Going upside down causes you to fall, skateboards are banned, and nothing is flat. Global warming doesn't exist. Instead, there's global twisting, where the world twists sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowly. DSL also go's the same speed as Dial-up. Any file downloaded above 3 kb instantly asplode. So, if this change was submitted over the internet in that universe it would asp--*BOOM*
The Universe where Everyone talks like an Unstable Anon
dis univers is ful fo pepul hu dun speke gud inlish an dey r unstbl ebry usr on uncyklpeda tak like dis an oly ips tak crektly WAT U DUN LIEK IT WEL U KAN GO 2 HELL
The Superheroineverse
The universe is populated entirely with spandex-clad superhuman women. Everyone wears clothes you wouldn't see outside of a comic book or a really bad sci-fi movie. There are no men in the Superheroineverse, not even one. And no, you are not a man. Procreation is accomplished through abiogenesis, children formed from the elements Silicone, Slutatarium, Assium, and Retardium. The laws of physics are completely illogical and improbable - just like the ones in comic books. When not fighting against galaxy-threating foes like Galactina, or rearranging solar systems and preventing wayward asteroids from striking the Earth, everyone is engaging in homoerotic sexual acts or fighting over non-existant boyfriends. Males from the Nerdverse often travel to this universe, to jack off to the voluptous costumed flirts that walk the streets in broad daylight. This universe was destroyed in the Crisis on Infinite Earths.
See also
- Mirror universe
- Your Anus with a Mirror
- Parallel universe
- Alternate universe
- Kim Il-sung City (Formerly known as Seoul)
- Othertimelines.com
- Auto-suggestion alteration phenomenon
- Crisis on infinite Earths
- The Universe in which Walter Mondale is President.
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