Alvaston

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“Come 'ere Dickhead”

~ Chav on everything in general

“You cunt, give me your fucking money”

~ Dingle on an interview for this page

Alvaston is a district of Derby. There is a heavy gang presence in Derby. Rival gangs such as the "DRC" (Derby Riot Crew), "BMM" (Boulton Moor Massive), "ANC" (Alvaston Night Crawlers"), "DFL" (Derby Lunatic Fringe), "BDE" (Bracknell Drive Elite), "GRM" (Grange Road Massive) and "SCM" (South Central Massive).

Contents 1 "Ghetto of Derby" 2 Places of Interest 3 known danger zones 4 Places to eat 5 Places to get wankered 6 The "Dingles" 7 Schools 8 Grand Theft Auto 6: Alvaston 9 Magnet

[edit] "Ghetto of Derby"

Alvaston, due to it's high crime rate, is known as the Ghetto of Derby. It is often compared to Compton by the local newspaper. Streets such as Stiles Road and Harvey Road are where the high concentration of gang crimes are committed. Drive-bys, rapings and murders are frequent crimes in Alvaston. Rockstar Games have also purchased the rights to base their next title in Alvaston.

[edit] Places of Interest

Alvaston is 55% grave yards due to the high gun crime, the police establishment is helpless to stop the crime rate. Funding from the government has ceased.

Alvaston shops

The Alvaston shops is mainly over run by the Emo gang. Blades and razors are common, but these are not for crime, this is for self harming and general dicking about.

Cornishman

Chav neighbourhood. Chavs are normally seen in their natural habitat at night when they come out. Their mating season is normally in the winter. "Come 'ere dickhead" is the general mating call for a male chav.

Field Lane Park

Home to Farr, Field Lane was once host of the Park Olympics. The Park Olympics have now been cancelled but Farr has now been sent to HM Sudbury Prison.

31 shalfleet Artic roll , pirates its all there.

[edit] known danger zones

Since the dumping of dangerous medical waste act was passed in 1974 alvaston has been classed a "no-go" zone by most. Although several places have been classed as "beyond the red zone"

Field lane Mostly a dead space consisting of bright green frogs which are said to devour children whole

Arkendale walk Most of the inhabitants in this warped part of alvaston where born with gentic deformaties brought on by exposure to the highly toxic water being pumped from directly Alvaston castle lake.

Hilderstone close Random beatings occur in this desolate dead end road, usually caused by the local fighting over whose turn it is to use glue stick , frequent earth quakes rock the area usually destroying large chunks of the tarmac.Bicycling is not allowed.

[edit] Places to eat

The square mile that is the centre of Alvaston, there are appoximately 10 kebab shops, 3 chip shops and 5 chinese take-aways. These include;

1. Spice Hut
2. Alvaston Take-away
3. Alvaston Balti
4. Pharoahs
5. Alvaston Kebabs
6. Curry Hot 2 U
7. Li's Fish Bar
8. Steve's Fish Bar
9. Oriental Express
10. Wonderful Kitchen
11. Wing On
12. Subway

and so on...

[edit] Places to get wankered

Along with the mass of take-aways in Alvaston, there are also a variety of pubs for you to get your head kicked in. Kevlar vests are adviced.

1. James Wyatt
2. Blue Peter
3. Harrington
4. Roundhouse
5. Trent Street club
6. Coronation
7. The Lodge
8. Navigation

and so on...

[edit] The "Dingles"

The Dingles are inhabitants of Harvey Road. They are regularly caught theiving, drug dealing and prostituting themselves, and that is just the 7 year old kids. The main "Dingle", a 52 stone disabled woman, hides drugs in the rolls of fat. The police have raided the Dingle's property several times in the past few months, but the fat bitch keeps getting away.

[edit] Schools

The education allowance from the Government has dwindled in recent years. Due to the rise of the chavs, schools have gone downhill since 2000. These are some of the schools that are in Alvaston;

1. Noel Baker Community School

A utter waste of space as far as the teachers are concerned , but at least it gets the kids smoking and drinking which we all know is good for the economy.

1. Merrill College

Recently won an award for having a huge penis , it was later revoked when it was discoverd that the "penis" in question was actually the student body.

There once was a great rivalry between the two schools which led to the start of the war of Bracknell Drive, which lasted for no longer then twenty minutes on the fourth of august in 2001. The police record is scetchy at best but from what facts have been gatherd from the excellent sources at the needles pub (after closing of course) it seems no arrests where made because and i quote from a statement made by "who do you think i f*cking am micky f*cking mouse" stateted

I was trippin on dis mushroom i faand on the floor next to da swings and wot.den i saw these blingin lights flashing and making this sound , i was like im gonna do me rappins to dat sh*t , then some like ragged is mouth off sayin its the pigs leg it so i did and wot you startin eh eh f*ckin d*ck ead

[edit] Grand Theft Auto 6: Alvaston

In 2008, Rockstar games will release the next installment to the GTA series, Grand Theft Auto 6. This time it is set in Alvaston, in 2005, when DRC ran supreme in the dog eat dog world of Alvaston. The story follows a teenager called Farr and his rise to supremecy as King of Field Lane. Missions such as escorting Year 7 school kids back to school on your under-sized motorbike have been made a favourite choice. The player can also choose to eat whatever they wish, from a Doner Kebab from Spice Hut, to the ever popular Chips and Beans from Steve's Fish Bar. Missions include stealing sheds from rival gang members and burning down rival park's ranger offices.

Edit:update: Rock star have announced that a special edition of the game will be relesed with an interative can of special brew and some cheap weed for that real alvaston experience.

[edit] Magnet

Magnet was invented in 1992 by his parents Mr and Mrs Mangnall, he used to live near Chaddesden most formally known as Chad but now he is living in the posh end of the ghetto Alvaston.

His real name is Adam Mangnall and this is where the name Magnet comes from as nobody can say his last fucking name, when he is 18 he is going to change his name to Magnet Mangnall which you may think is weird but Magnet is weird get over it

Magnet attends school at Landau Forte Shithole who get pride from trying to be posh motherfuckers while failing miserably. They now call them self an academy and is building a new building with hidden fucking cameras as they cannot be arsed to walk to the fuckin classroom, this is because the headmaster is a round cunt who will be out of breath using the lift.

Common phrases used by Magnet include "Slag" and "Cunt" and sometimes "Bitch", hes a nice boy really, he just has mental problems and lives in his own little world.

Also as a negative side and a possative side and if you see him walking around you will notice your watch is missing.