Amazing

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Amazing: N. Anything capable of inducing amazement. See Also: Your Mom in bed.

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[edit] What's Really Amazing To Me

You know what's really fucking amazing? Every day I visit Uncyclopedia. I try to resuscitate a few weak articles, I rewrite others, but along the way I see some scary shit. No, I'm serious here. I already suffer from a notable lack of faith in humanity, and seeing some of the rancid shitpiles that some people have written... I'm pretty fucking amazed.

I mean, holy dog-fuck. I've seen articles written so incoherently that the only thing you can laugh at is the fact the the writer hasn't managed to somehow accidentally swallow his own feces and die. This shit's starting to really cheese me off, and I've just about fucking had it. I mean, honestly, it leaves me with a lot of questions.

[edit] Amazing Questions*

*for fucktards

These don't apply to Admins. All admins are smart,cute, sexy, helpful and funny. And Attractive! And they all like chocolates, diamonds and money. You should send chocolates to all female admins, and money to all the male admins... and to the female admins too. Admins are always cool. Always.

1. How the fuck do you dress yourself in the morning? You obviously haven't a single working brain-cell in that empty, neanderthallic skull of yours, do you find yourself inexplicably choking on your shoes in the morning? A fucking caveman could do better, and they just made Stick-figures.
2. Are you Shitting Me? Did you actually take time to stamp out that smelly pile of literary fecal matter, and then submit it as an article? This leads directly to the next question:
3. Do you realise how dumb you are? I can forgive a misspelling or two, but holy bejeezus, you people really are pushing it! It's like your skulls are clogged with too much rancid bong water and greasy malted hops to squeeze a coherent thought out of that disfigured forehead of yours.
4. Who the fuck gave you the idea that you could write a good article? Spelling, grammar, those are just the beginnings there. I mean, if you can't get those down, then don't bother, unless you have someone helping you. Second, Read Your Article!!!. Look at it. LOOK!. Do you switch topics more than twice in a paragraph? Yes, yes you fucking do. STOP IT!. Okay. You are walking on some thin ice there. It can be done, but not by your lumpy ass. I've done it, and I've done it well, but I'm not you! I'm a skilled wordsmith. I can forge letters into powerful, (and coherent) sentences, delivering vivid Imagery, encapsulated within exciting, (and surprisingly profanity-laden) prose.

[edit] The Internet is Amazing

Amazing Stories

The internet is pretty amazing. The amount of free porn out there is mind-boggling. The amount of links you'll find to goatse.cx is pretty amazing, too. And scary. I haven't found one yet, but just the idea that it may exist, and I might accidentally find one later, that's scary.

The most amazing thing about the Internet is the fact that it serves to educate you on just how many fucktards are out there! It's like, as soon as some intellectually crippled troglodyte logs on to his AOL account, a river of pure, top-grade, high-powered, uncut feces begins flowing forth from his terminal, and into the blogosphere.

If this is the best that Humanity can offer, we are not going to fucking make it.

[edit] Uncyclopedia is Amazing

You won't believe how Amazing Uncyclopedia is. It's out of this world amazing. It's like, the dregs of humanity have somehow crawled out of the putrid swamp they've been infesting for the past 50 thousand years, and are attempting to mix in with the internet's Elite. Well guess what. You aren't smart, you aren't funny, and pretty soon one of us is gong to bash in your face with a keyboard.

On the other hand, Uncyclopedia has given us Nihilism and You Have Two Cows. That's some pretty brilliant shit right there. I'd like to think that I'm smart, funny, and attractive, but I don't understand HTML, or any advanced wikimedia commands, so there is no way that I could ever write Nihilism. And 2 Cows? I stand humbled at the collective brilliance of the Uncyclopedians. I mean, I'm good, yeah, but there's good, and there's good. I have to admit that despite my best efforts, I'm sorely pressed to match some of the better articles. And it pisses me off. I already have an inferiority complex, as it is, and the top uncyclopedia articles don't help. Fortunately for me, I can always count on the dregs to boost my flagging ego.

[edit] Other Amazing Things

Something else amazing

The following items, all bring a sense of reverance and joy to the world:

• Double D Breasts: These are amazing. Totally Amazing. And totally sweet.
• The 1972 Hemi 'Cuda: Mopar. You had best recognize.
• Xbox 360 Graphics: Few things in this world bring forth more hatred from me than Microsoft, but I saw that one boxing game the other day, and holy shit... It's pretty fucking amazing.
• Harley-Davidson: The fact that people refer to this as a motorcycle is amazing. If it was a Motorcycle, it would say Kawasaki on it. It might also say Honda, Yamaha, Suzuki, or Hyosung. But I can guaranfuckingtee that if it says Harley, Indian, or Boss Hoss, it's not a motorcycle. I'm sorry, that's just the way it is.
• Those punk kids who think that an 4 inch dual muffler makes their 2003 Honda Civic "cool". FUCK YOU! Knock that SHIT off. Your fucking car sounds like a diseased chainsaw. It says "Honda" right on the Car! You know what that means? Your car is a rice-burning piece of shit! And putting racing gauges on that support beam on the left side of your front windshield, that shit also does not make your car cool! If your car was cool, it would say "Mercedes Benz", "Dodge", "Chevy", "GMC", or "Ford". And if you don't like Ford, Fuck you too, Check out the GT, 'cause that shit is wack.
• Promiscuous Hotties: You know, the kind on Girls Gone Wild videos. They are amazing, and I for one love them all.
• That dude with tits from Maxim Magazine: Sometimes Amazing comes in different flavors. Sometimes that flavor can only be described as "disturbing". This is one of those times. Disturbing. And amazing.

A really hot chick. I'll bet Ron Jeremy has had her. And got paid for it. Amazing!

• People who are missing an eyeball, and don't wear an eye patch. Actually, nevermind. This should be categorized also as disturbing. But not really amazing.
• Google: For a company that doesn't sell anything, they sure do have a lot of fucking money.
• PersianKitty.com: Their thumbnail gallery page is a bastion of good, clean, free pr0n. No pop-ups, no spam, only nudity and sluts.
• Sealab 2021: This shit is totally amazing, or, it kinda was. They stopped making them after 3 seasons I guess. The world mourns its loss.
• Ron Jeremy: The dude is ugly. I mean, he's a human fucking hedgehog! And he gets hotties. That's not only amazing, it's an inspiration to all of us.
• Steve Harris: 'Nuff said...
• 'This Page; This page is awesome.