American Preservation Society
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- AVP redirects here. For the U.S. Supreme Court case, see Alien vs. Predator.
The American Preservation Society (AVP) is a group dedicated to acknowledging the Canadian threat of world domination. The founder, Derek Long (aka Boba Fett) warned the Vice President of the oncoming Canadian menace in a startling email. The exact text is as follows:
Mr. Vice President,
"I, Derek Long, am a conservative, and the sole member of the American Preservation Society (AVP for short.) When I came upon this news--and believe me, I was quite shocked at this insane remark--that our neighbor in the north has been armed. I will denote the fact they are moving at a profoundly slow rate, yes, but this is a threat nonetheless. Mr. Vice President, the Canadians have been given musical instruments.
I don't mean to alarm you, but this sad news carries nothing but the truth. When Canadians were first given hockey sticks, and their sport began to invade our country, I was the first on the battle lines to put an end to this madness. Gary Bettman--a former member--was able to successfully cause a retreat on their part, but not for long. Since then, we have lost the Canadian-American War.
But, I am planning a brilliant offensive. Right now, their civilians are being armed with musical instruments; two of them are Tegan and Sara.
The pair currently plans to invade Florida on November 26th. What I suggest is deploying 500,000 troops to Canada to quell the diabolical regime; we cannot let any of their communist propaganda slip through the cracks.
Soon after they plan to brainwash us with their indie music, sports games, and movies, they will complete their plan of annihilation through the means of guerilla warfare; they'll be attacking us in the night with drug deals and borders jumpers. Of course, we all can predict the plan soon afterwards: it will be a full scale nuclear holocaust.
Please, I implore you to combat these terrorists of hate: someone has to.
I, Derek Long, future millionare and politician, thank you for taking the time to acknowledge the Canadian threat. God bless America."
Many have wondered why the AVP isn't abbreviated APS. To answer, Boba Fett replied with "don't you remember Alien v. Predator? Wasn't there a Canadian in there somewhere?"
The AVP currently has 70 trillian members (the entire floating island of China.)
