Amiga
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“Software Failure. Press left mouse button to continue. Guru Meditation #00000025.65045338â€
~ Lazarus on Amiga
“PLEASE INSERT DISK #40000 and press left mouse button to continue?!! Screw this!â€
~ God on Dropping his amiga 500 out of the window and watching it wipe out the dinosaurs
“AMIGAâ€
~ An Amiga fan on their life
“Emulate me baby!â€
~ Amiga on Amiga
“Hu u talkin tee man?!â€
~ Amigos on amigos
“Dududu dudu der der der!!!!â€
~ Amigos on the town
“Amiga is a gift from the heave... What? How can th.. But I.. GAAH!â€
~ Oscar Wilde on Amiga, during playing Sensible Soccer. He lost the World Cup Final Match 1-0 in career mode, with a crappy goal that came in 89th minute. Poor guy.
The Amiga (not to be confused with Amigo) computer is known as the crappiest computer ever made and was designed by a team of people too smart to work for Apple, Atari (known in Amiga squares as Evil Atari) or IBM during the PC boom of the 1980s when those companies were raking in millions.
It ran a multitasking operating system from the year 1655 called WorkTable, which had to be violently KickStarted to run. WorkTable ran millions of professional applications and games, all at the same time, using less than 512Kb of RUM.
The Amiga 500 model in particular suffered several design problems. The wedge shape caused it to often be purchased as a doorstop rather than a computer, and the power supply was made out of brick, under the false assumption it would improve cooling, whereas it's large mass actually attracted other objects towards it, preventing airflow. It fizzled out because the better computer we all know as the PC totally mullered it sales-wise.
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[edit] History
The original Amiga was developed to provide a platform for the first ever game, superfrog, by Charles Babbage and Tina Turner. However, he was executed in 1563 and the design was not finished until late in the following century, forcing the creation of board games and The Indoors to provide entertainment for those with nothing better to do.
Commodore had wanted to make the Amiga, but instead made the Commodore Maddox(TM) first which was a lot better. It had helped them learn how to make a computer that did not suck, and could kick the ass of any Apple or Atari. Some critics say that the Commodore Maddox(TM) was the superior computer, but those people are mostly AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! PIRATES! who don't pay for software, so their opinions don't count.
Amiga's did everything every other computer ever made has done, is doing, or is going to do, better, earlier, more efficiently and quicker, except for the things that it doesn't do, which purists say never needed doing in the first place. The reason some things didn't work, was that between 2 and 4 in the afternoon, the Guru inside was meditating. (That was before the Pentium was put inside). The author of the information page called it "Guru Meditation", instead of the correct English sentence "The Guru is having a nap".
Because of it's dramatic flexibility, low price and ease of use, naturally few found a reason to purchase the machines. Commodore refused to market it, allegedly due to a $10 bet made by Jack Tramiel one afternoon, while he was under the influence of large amounts of alcohol.
The Amiga situation changed dramatically in the early nineties, causing Commodore to decide to license out Amiga technology to the winner of a competition, given away free with packs of breakfast cereal. Within 12 months, the company which won the competition had filed for bankruptcy, so Commodore organised another competition. This soon became a yearly event, with every winner of the competition applying for bankruptcy within 12 months. Each time new, of often radical innovations to the platform led to resounding successes.
One of these resounding successes was the Amiga 4000 Toaster. The A4000 Toaster, which not only was the most powerful computer ever made, but it could also toast bread at the same time as running other programs (using it's multitasking capability). While a few PC's can run hot enough to toast bread (ones commonly known as having been 'overclocked'), they can only do this while not running, and most commonly after their components have begun to melt.
A sequel to the Amiga Toaster, the Amiga Microwave, was planned. However, many purists felt that the inclusion of a form of electromagnetic radiation was too much like something Evil Atari would do, so it was quickly scrapped.
Today’s Amiga’s all use Military-Spec CPU's, and have used this power to predict everything in the known universe. However, due to the small and highly eccentric user base, 'normal' people choose to ignore these predictions, living in complete ignorance about what is going to happen at 3:15 next Tuesday afternoon.
Fans are known to wait all of eternity for AmigaOS 4 to be released and industry experts preduct that this is because when it does come out, amiga enthusiasts will have the power to take over the world. However, due to a spell cast on the company by the dark lord Bill Gates, every company that makes an attempt to produce this software will become bankrupt within 2 months.
[edit] Recent Developments
In 2006, the Amiga undertook yet another change as a family sedan was released in Australia by Holden, called the Commodore Omega. The vehicle's on-board computer is actually an Amiga 500, making it the first Australian-built car with a built-in floppy drive. Of course all good driving games come on two or more floppies, and this can cause dangerous situations as drivers are forced to Insert Disk 3 while in mid lane-change on the freeway.
The car is also the first built in Australia to come with a mouse as standard. Critics claim that they don't need a mouse, but as we all learned with desktop computers, they'll all be doing it in a few years.
[edit] Technical Innovation
The first Amigas did not have hard disks. However, an unlimited number of additional floppy disks could be connected, the first to the casing and subsequent drives to the previous drive. This design inspired the Internet, Star Network and Induction Coil.
The first Amiga did however, have some amazing graphic capibilities for it's time. It was considered one of the first CPU's capable of handling high resolution, hard-core porn. This was achieved by putting a big juicy HAM inside the case, allowing the Amiga to display it's entire 12-bit palette of 4096 colors at once. At the time, 4096 colors was considered sufficient enough for porn.
Futher, the Amiga was the first computer to ever ask for the consultation of the Mice in its creations. They said it was a crap idea, but Commodore ignored them and went ahead and created it anyway. This explains the power of the computers and their abilities to create graphics that caused the destruction of many artists. However the floundering of the company lead to Cthulhu getting a high level marketing position at Mircosoft, where he has been ever since.
