Amitabh Bachchan

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Amitabh Bachchan aka Big Daddy eats shit and is the tallest person from the state of Bollywood and the oldest actor ever to live on Jupiter. His skills including dancing with hundreds of chicks at the gay bar, reciting poems, beating up men and women of all ages. He has a wife - Jaya Bhaduri and son - Abhishek 'Gavin' Bachchan. All of them live in the state of Bollywood except his daughter - Shweta who lives in a brothel in Prague. He is also married to Human Bambi Aishwarya Rai.

[edit] Birth

Amitabh Bachchan With his Wife Aishwarya Bachchan

He was born in the Pungent in India in the 18th centuary (hope so, may be earlier) to a father and mother, a star shone over his cradle and lit the way for the film producers. His actual name at the time of birth was [Amitabh bachchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchan]]. When he joined films, producers asked him to shorten his name as it was exceeding the size of film wall posters printed in India at that time. He was unwilling (actually he wanted to add some more 'ch's to his name) had a fight with the producers but was made to be happy (read unhappy) with only 2 'ch's. He cried at a rate of 1 fortnight per 'ch' lost to forget the pain. At the age of 6 his father discovered his exceptional quality of whispering while snorting in deep sleep.A famous bollywood director recently revealed that it is during this period that his voice is recorded for bollywood movies.

[edit] School

He is quite widely misinterpreted as a male, he but attended a Girls School, he greatly enjoyed his school days and went on to get a degree in fart. In shools he won the 'Queen of Crows' award for his voice as sweet as that of a crow.

[edit] Acting

Noted thespian, appeared in many films including lots of singing and dancing. He sings, he dances, he kicks ass and he looks cool doing it. Notable acting roles include Sholay about a man without hands who wished to wash his shit off his ass (in India they don't use toilet papers) but could not due to lack of hands. So the handless man hired two goons who would help him to wash the shit off his ass. One of the goons was Bachchan who eventually dies a martyr's death trying to wash the shit.

Bachchan's earliest role was Satinde Khazi, he took the role because he had chronic diarrhea at the time and so couldn't go far.

[edit] Trivia

• Owns a mobile phone company called KKKG
• Despite in many of his more recent films playing cops on the verge of retirement and being very tall, he doesn't know an Orangutang called Clive.
• Had a doll called Parveen Barbie when he was young.
• Has a celebrity status in India. Was outraged when he and his family had to wait for hours in queue to enter Tirupathi (a famous temple in India where people get bald in order to show their devotion), just like any other common man.
• There is a rumour that he is not bald and he does not use a wig.

[edit] Screen Death

Killed off in a fight scene with Shilpa Shetty that Bollywood producers wrote in to emphasise Bollywood's embracing new radical feminist concepts and appealing to Big Brother fans.

An ageing cop gone bad, Amitabh is finally tracked down by Shilpa and attempts to outrun her, she easily catches him and knocks him to the ground. The 2 seperate, Amitabh thinks he can take Shilpa out with one punch but she is too quick and karate chops him, he falls to the ground.

In a desperate lunge he grabs her around the waist and the 2 roll around in the alley, he thinks his greater size should win the day, but is surprised to find that she seems to be getting the upper hand, desperately he reaches for a bit of broken pipe but at that moment she sits on his chest pinning his arms to the ground with her knees, and knocks him senseless with a couple of punches.

Broken and defeated, his screen image destroyed, there is nothing for Amitabh to do but admit defeat and die from a heart attack.

[edit] Endorsement

Amitabh is best known as the actor who popularised dabaar chona chandi. His claims of the product having gold and silver were soon overturned when half the polulation died due to mercury poisoning. However this has not discouraged him from endorsement.Over the years he has endorsed many products. The list includes Rupa ka chadi aur baniyan

samba ka beedi (inspired from sholay).

bad-berries .

ship matches .

viagra for baldies down-under.

garb nirodhak goliya (starred along with ash).

mulayam tel.

lic's -amar schemes.

UP ki beti (as a gender confused bhihari lost in UP).

VHPs anti cow-slagughter campaign . (tag- meri ghai palampuri, with jaya starrin as ghai)

and millions more.