Anastasia
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Her Imperial Superduperness, The Absolutely Spiffing and Downright Fantastical Grand Duchess Anastasia of Russia (June 18, 1901 to July 17 1918) was the youngest hybrid daughter of Tsar Nicholas II, the Last Emperor of Russia (because he proved utterly incapable of maintaining control on anything more complicated than his goldfish bowl), and his wife Alexandra, otherwise known as the crazed fanatical believer in the healing power of the telegram.
Anastasia played host to an impressive array of siblings, who have variously progressed to achieve international stardom J.S. Bach, Cameron Diaz, Vladimir Lenin, Spiderman, Tom Petty, Zac Posen, and Mao Zedong are among the more well known siblings of Anastasia's.
Her family history is also notable, with ancestors as varied as Catherine the Great and Elvis. Less well known relatives include Alexander the Greater, Peter the Impossible and Ivan the Insanely Terrible.
She was presumably murdered with her family in a basement of a shack in the middle of Kiev by Cossacks who confused them for Kevin Costner fans.
Obvious speculation to Anastasia's escape has been debated and inspired an impressive catalog of books and an all singing all dancing despite the blood and the slaughter cartoon movie.
[edit] Random Claims
Many women have claimed to be Anastasia; the most infamous of them being Anna Anderson, a women who in later life declared herself to be Catwoman and died in the process of attempting to scale the Empire State Building at the age of ninety. Of the thousands of women claiming to be the lost princess, hundreds were DNA tested and found positive for AWS (Attention Whore Syndrome).
Candidates continue to surface to this day, with the latest claimant being a thirty three year old man from China. Officials are currently investigating his claim.
The reasoning behind such claims is generally perceived to arise from the somewhat conspicuous absence of two graves from the burial site. Scientific explanations for the mystery have been diverse, ranging from abduction at the hands of alien invaders to melding with the life force of the Earth at the time of death.
[edit] Anastasia, the Cartoon movie
Anastasiais based on the true story of Grand Duchess Anastasia. It was directed by God and produced by Gary Goldman at Fox Studios and was released in the worst year ever, 1997.
Hype over the movie was multiplied ten fold because of the featured songs "Once Upon a December" and "Journey to the Pants", which were sung by Madonna, consequently, twenty three half crazed Madonna fans were trampled to death at the premiere due to their eerie desperation to snatch a sight of their idol.
God and Goldman won awards for their interpretation of Rasputin, who was a heaping pile of sin and living in a backwater dimension that doesn't exist. Upon seeing the film, Rasputin was outraged at his portrayal, claiming it was far too muted and subtle in tone.


