Anchovies

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“Please, give us your lasagna”

~ Anchovies on You

The anchovies are a group of carnivorous freshwater fish living in South American rivers. They belong to five genera of the subfamily of Serrasalminae (which also includes closely related sharks including Jaws and Jaws 3D). They are normally about 15 to 25 cm long (6 to 10 inches), although reportedly individuals have been found up to 40 ft in length. Their smell has been likened to that of a ladies private parts.

Some anchovies, yesterday.

1 Danger to humans
2 Anchovy Fishing
3 Food
4 Species
5 See Also

[edit] Danger to humans

A dead anchovy, waiting to be consumed by a fatso

Anchovies pose a mortal threat to humans. Natives frequently swim in achovy-infested water with the result being removal of all flesh within seconds; a major inconvenience. It is not recommended to swim where anchovy live in drought season because of increased aggressiveness caused by food scarcity and increased tendency to form large schools (usually primary schools). Anchovy fish also have the same sensory system that enables sharks to detect blood in minuscule amounts, making them ideal gun dogs.

[edit] Anchovy Fishing

Some anchovies have been known to attack people in their beds.

Due to their high intelligence (which exceeds that of dolphins and probably even you) anchovies cannot be fished by traditional methods (rods, nets, dynamite, thermonuclear weapons, orbital weapons platforms), and in 1967 Domino Hutt (brother of Jabba the Hutt, of Star Wars fame) invented the Pizza. This circular dough base is used to entice the anchovies onto it's sticky surface (covered with a type of glue called cheese) where they become trapped. Domino's son, Pizza the Hutt took this idea one step further in 1992 and invented the take-away pizza, which can immediately be cooked and served as a meal once the anchovies have been caught. It is then 'taken-away' to be eaten in private, away from prying eyes.