Andorra
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Motto: "We exist! Honest!" | |||||
| Anthem: "Yay Mountains! | |||||
 not to scale
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| Capital | Andorrabunda! | ||||
| Largest city | Cities? | ||||
| Official languages | Mandarin Chinese, Catalan, Klingon, Andorran, and Spanish | ||||
| Government | Benevolent Anarchy | ||||
| -Commander of Ye Faithe | Funtybunt XXI | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Mountains, Your Mom | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | Nobody cares | ||||
| Currency | Grass | ||||
| Religion | You | ||||
“I went there once. It sucked.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Andorra
“Why does nobody like me?”
~ Emo-Andorra on Andorra
“Everything's excellent in Andorra.”
~ All others on Andorra
“Does the green flag meens they make vodka?”
~ Boris Yeltsin on Andorra
“Where is Andorra? Who cares anyway?”
~ President Bush on Andorra
Andorra, otherwise known as the former Duchy of Byzantyumme, and Empire of the Civilised World, and Grand Protectorate of Those Beasties Whyche May Roame In The As Of Yette Uncivilised Territories, is the realm currently home to roughly 350 million persons from Frannsylvania to the British county of Ex-pat, in Europe.
Whereas the official language of the Duchy is Catalan, the active language spoken by 82% of the inhabitants is Mandarin Chinese. Due to an impressive immigration problem, a surprisingly large 37% of the population speaks Klingon.
The style of the government is benevolent anarchy, and the currency in use is grass. Taxes are levied only once in a citizen's lifetime and only to the menfolk.
Contents |
[edit] History
Andorra's first written language, which is derived from Latin, though it existed about 5,700 years before it was even spoken, states that Andorra was founded by a pack of wolves lead by a small Chinese man. This small metropolis eventually grew into a vast empire. Andorra eventually covered more than 20 Million square miles, making it the biggest empire in history, except for the Illegal Immigrant Empire of Mexico of the 21th Century. Andorra is mentioned in the bible as 'the empire of the eagle', who conquered Israel, which contrary to popular belief, was not Rome. It was also mentioned by ancient Persian King Xerxes the Retarded as having 'that one gay general, Alex I think', which contrary to popular belief, was not Oprah, Madonna or the Roman-parodies, the Greeks. However, internal struggles in Andorra (especially the ravaging of the landscape by Hannibal's elephant brigade during the Punic Wars) shrunk the empire to a small farm and 2 houses after 5,000 years. Even so, the French could still not take it in the War of 1798, which the French suffered casualties in the hundreds of millions, while the Andorrans lost their beloved dog, Chiquita.
Son after the war of 1798, Vikings attacked and sieged Juan's backyard. The cows stood ground but eventually the Vikings breached the wall and forcibly inserted their longboat. Juan's frontyard resisted fiercely and eventually Njorg and Skøig gave up and went back to their farms. This was the last conflict that Andorra was involved with, although the Scare of 1944 brought about front page headlines when the German military entered Andorran lands. However, the German military (a man named "Horbert Klötter" and an estimated 4.1 cows) claimed that they had no plans of war with Andorra (sell the cows at the market).
Today Andorra' s main concern is North Korea nuclear tests. After several closed-door discussions between Pyongyang and Andorra the Old which did not end up in any agreement, Andorra is ready for sanctions against North Korea. In response of these nuclear tests, Andorra is considering to ban all imports from the country as well as all exports like coffee “El Conseller” which can cause great repercussions to the Asian country.
[edit] Movies
Andorra's Movie Industry accounts for nearly 2,345% of the total taxable income in Andorra, if one is to believe the government. Other major industries include Electronics (397,800%), Prostitution (1,600,000%) and Juan Carlos the 2-1/2's Cepsa Petrol Stop & XXX El Peep Show Cine Emporium (496%). Of course, Andorra has no tax so these rates have a margin of error of approximately an infinite number of percentages.
[edit] The Andorrians and the Church
The Vatican appears to have an infinite amount of money. Moderate Protestants say that this is because Jesus approves of the way they are doing things, and has blessed them with bounty. However non-Moderate, Catholic hating protestants claim that the Church receives their money from the devil. However three major flaws appear with this theory:
- The devil declared bankruptcy in 1776 after losing a bet.
- Andorra
Andorrans have been deemed Most Trustworthy by the Vatican, so they are incharge of expenses, fundraising and administration of funds and tresasury. (See Bush Administration). But since Moderate non-Catholic hating Protestants make up only 0.0% of the population, the word of Catholic Hating Andorrans carries strong weight in many Protestant countries, such as the United States, Scandanavia, and more (such as the United States and Scandanavia and the shitty part of Ireland).
[edit] Language
Andorrans speak a peculiar mix of French and Spanish called "Andorran". Andorran is basically Spanish with all the As turned to Es and the Os removed or turned to Es, depending on the user's preferences. All letters that are doubled in English are doubled in Andorran. So basically it's French. It's just that the Frenchmen are too snooty to admit that this hick of a dialect spoken by seven farmers and 600,000 illegal immigrants could possibly be considered French. Here's some examples.
"Real" French:
Mais le monarque espagnol Ferdinand l'II l'a transformé à une atrocité dans son pays et colonies.
Andorran:
Mais le monarque Espagnol, Ferdinand le II la transformou au une atrocitĂ in son pais et colonies.
Spanish:
Más el monarca Español, Ferdinando el II la transformĂł a una atrocidad en su paĂs y colonias.
Linguists sometimes refer to this peculiar dialect as "Catalan" instead of French, but ask any of the 7 legallly documented Andorrans and they will tell you that its the same damn thing. Linguists argue that Andorran has several Arabic-based words, such as in Spanish (Al-Qaeda = Al-Caida = To the fall, Al-Qutun = Al-Godon = Cotton) or in Andorran (Al-Qaeda = Aula-Cahide = To the fall, Al-Qutun = Al-Godone = Cotton). However we know for a fact from Wikipedia that they are all a bunch of closet case homosexuals, who, despite having the ability to seduce women in several languages, do not do so because they'd rather spend their time doing other things. Whores. What whores. Am I right? Everyone holla.
[edit] Statistics
[edit] Population
There are approximately 7 people that live in Andorra. Juan Trejo, Cindy Trejo, Sara Jimenez, Sergio Mendes, ConcepciĂłn Villanueva, Guillermo Villanueva, and Richardo Tregliognini. The country also has approximately 650,000 illegal immigrants, mostly from China but also from Kansas, Albania and Quebec.
Over the last few years, there has been an import flux of immigrants from Russia which has forced to adapt some town names. Soldeu el Tartov is a well-known example.
[edit] Currency
The currency used by most Andorrans is the Euro, a mind control device issued by ex-Spanish dictator Franco and dried Fiddle Weasels. Circulation amounts to about 7 Euros per week, which gives the country a Gross Domestic Product of $390 US Dollars, the smallest in the world. However it has the world's highest GDP Per Capita (Gross Domestic Product Averaged by Population), which is $67,000, scoring amongst other monolithical empires like Luxembourg, the United States, and Norway.
[edit] Geography
The Geography of the region is one mountain with 7 ski tracks. Not very hard to memorize. There are also some trees and a duck, though the duck has been known to move resulting in Andorra's official maps changing every seventeen seconds. Although most students around the world are amazed to know that starting in 2012 construction on a paved road connecting these farms will begin, making Andorra the second most industrialized country in Africa.
[edit] Geometry
If Andorra was big enough for a school, I'm sure they'd teach this.
[edit] Native Population
Andorra had a large population of Native Ninjas before the conquest by the Europeans (Sarah, Guillermo and Cindy's grandfather and grandmother). A small percentage of the population exists as Native Ninjas, although they are mostly illegal immigrants from China, who were forced to leave the country when the Europeans (Sarah and Guillermo's father) took power, and then returned a few hours later because they had forgotten their luggage. (They shortly realized how stupid it was for them to leave at all, so they stayed and quickly multiplied from their original 300 to over 50,000 in just 3 years, did I mention they were asexual, cuz if I didn't its probably important for you to know.
[edit] Trivia
It has the highest Per Capita amount of Bicycle Pumps, 5 per each person, after a merchant in the 1880s traveled from Portugal to Germany, and died of Syphilis on the Mendes farm. Germany and Andorra have not had formal diplomatic relations since this incident, the Germans demand their pumps back while the Andorrans state that it should be rightfully theirs, since the merchand did get their daugher pregnant, who in turn gave the man Syphilis. Interesting.
The national dish of Andorra is Terrel Owens Pain Killer Caserole
[edit] List of Rulers
- Small Chinese Man (15,000BC to 3,000BC)
- Runner up pack wolf (3,000BC to 496BC)
- Gzandikzzy 'Pzescemo' Czeszchovisc (496BC to 32AD)
- Jesus (32AD to 32AD)
- Pope Gabbo the Magnificent III (33AD to 690AD)
- Mohammed Ali (690AD to 1302AD)
- Pope Suelooqing the Zuluking XI (1302AD to 1492AD)
- Henry VIII the Ninth (1492AD to 1440AD)
- All twelve Bill Clinton clones (9999 BC to 9998 BC)
- The Minister of Silly Walks (0-2006AD)
- Oligarchy of 7 Farmers (1492AD to 1799AD)
- Ninja Lords I through XXXVII (1800AD to 1805AD)
- Ninja Lords XXXVIII through MM (1805AD to 1899AD)
- Guillermo's Grandfather (1899AD to 1931AD)
- Juan's Grandfather (1931AD to 1956AD)
- George W. Bush (1956AD to 1961AD)
- Brett Matthew Simonds (1962AD to 1994AD)
- Andorran Speaking Oprah, Andorran Speaking JesĂşs, and Queen Mohammed Mohammed Issa Al-Achmed Mat'Abbin Ahmadinejad (1994AD - 2012AD)
Europa 
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