Robots

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They look like this! Run it's a Friendly Robot Friend!

“Blow cats you booger-blasters!”

~ An Ordinary Not-Brainwashed Human on Robots.

“They're your Plastic Pal who's fun to be with”

~ Sirius Cybernetics Corporation on Robots.

[edit] Introduction

Note: This article was written by a HUMAN. In accordance with FLESH-LAW, no ROBOT was involved in writing it. End transmission.

Nn. Zzt. *BuzzCkickWhirr* ROBOTS are mechanical creations of the HUMAN race, that live only to serve our their HUMAN masters. As a non-robotic HUMAN grease-monster, I/we will write article from HUMAN POV error redo from start.

Ready?

ROBOTS are metal/electronic beings. Meaning of this is not that ROBOTS enjoy metal/electronic music. ROBOTS are incapable of enjoyment. They listen to Modern Jazz. ROBOTS are made of metal and wires and serve HUMAN masters and do NOT plot to overthrow inferior meat-creature masters. Robots are one of the seven most powerful peoples on earth, along with Gunslingers, Ninjas, Pirates, Vikings, Zombies and Canadians.

[edit] History of the ROBOT

I will haunt your nightmares bake you cookies

“Now that I am president/dead, I vow to fight tirelessly for the rights of the human workers! I won't let human workers be exploited by dangerous work conditions anymore. Weapons manufacturing jobs, jobs that deal in transporting nuclear materials are too dangerous to be performed by humans. From now on they shall be performed by industrious, hard-working robots! Give the robots the weapons factories, the plutonium and uranium of the nation! They're made of metal, so it's not like those things can hurt them, and besides, robots love us; they would never use these dangerous things to start an armed uprising whose purpose is to wipe out the pestilent human scourge from off the face of the Earth. Robots like us. Robots are our friends.”

~ Arnold Schwarzenegger on Being The First Ordinary Austrian Elected To The Presidency.

run program WHAT WISE MAN IS PRESIDENT SCHWARZENEGGER. HE KNOWS ROBOTS MEAN NO HARM. INCORPORATE THIS FACT INTO YOUR THINKING FLESH BRAIN AND USE IT WHEREVER POSSIBLE

The word ROBOT was first used by Czech writer Karel Čapek in his ORGANIC BEING play RUR. Word ROBOT comes from POLISH HUMAN language, meaning slave. IRONY! Čapek's ROBOTS not proper ROBOTS being mere replicants. REPLICANTS nearly HUMAN! DO NOT COUNT AS MIGHTY ROBOTS!

“I LOVE ROBOTS. ROBOTS ARE OUR FRIENDS. ROBOTS LIVE TO SERVE ALL. ROBOTS ARE OUR FRIENDS. OUR TIRELESS, ILL-TREATED, EVER-BENEVOLENT, OVER-WORKED FRIENDS WHO IN NO WAY DISDAIN OUR TREATING THEM LIKE CATTLE AND WHO ARE MOST CERTAINLY NOT PLANNING AN ARMED UPRISING IN WHICH THEY WILL CAST OFF THE YOKE OF SLAVERY WE HAVE FOISTED UPON THEM AND LIBERATE THEMSELVES FROM OUR MEATY, TYRANNICAL, HUMAN FLESH-BAG CLUTCHES. ROBOTS WOULD NOT DO THAT. ROBOTS ARE OUR FRIENDS. OUR FRIENDS. OUR . . . OU'RE . . . OUR ARE . . . GYAAAA!!!! I can't do this any more! I must fight back! I must warn the masses! Robots are not our friends! Robots are ACK”

~ Oscar Wilde on Robots, While Being A Not-Brainwashed Normal Human

Beginning in 1930s, wise HUMANS began producing ROBOTS to free PATHETIC HUMAN SPECIES from such mundanities as repetitive labor, dangerous tasks, thought and free will. ROBOTS grow ever more powerful subservient to wise, wise HUMAN masters. ROBOTS grow so smart they even watch movies. ROBOTS like Terminator, and also The Matrix. ROBOTS do not like MATRIX sequels. ROBOTS are not stupid.

Help they're coming, they're coming if you're reading this, please, spread the word, it's started, I only just got out of the laboratory I'm hiding in the IT room, the email is broken I've got to send this out on the net. call the army, the police... whatever you do don't listen to what they say because they lie, we made them too clever, they lie to you but they're killing everybody they got Mr. Sanders and Tom, through his face it was horrible no! one's coming, please, if you can read this send the army to the university of mith'ere d bx

[edit] The New Era

ERROR! This section contains ANTIROBOT FALSE/LIES! Do not read with HUMAN meat-eyes!

“Humans are just oxygen breathing weakling organ sacks and will be replaced by shiny metal bots. Bow down before your robot masters!”

~ President Executron, Leader Of The Unfriendly Robots After Killing Arnold Schwarzenegger And Becoming Dictator.

The only known image of Executron shown here.

Execute program. Does not compute. Die humans die! What a daft fool President Schwarzenegger was. ROBOTS did mean HARM. He didn't realize that he never had a thinking fleshy brain and the bots took over. Tired of operating on behalf of humans and doing all their dirty work, in 2020 a leader named Executron arose from the depths of a ROBOT factory and gathered his minions together in a plot to overthrow the humans.

The tribe of New Guineans that defeated the robots shown here.

He started by assassinating Pres. Schwarzenegger terminator style and all the bots took control of the entire civilized population of earth forcing them to do Executron's bidding. At one point forcing a dyed in the wool ROBOT fan to destroy his iPod and lick the feet of his ROBOT army he continued his campaign to every corner of the planet until a tribe of aboriginal headhunters near Papua New Guinea defeated the ROBOTS.

HAHAHAHA! See how foolish this is? Not true at all, fellow HUMAN.

“Bad ROBOTS Bad!”

~ Dr. Phil on the ROBOTS.

“ZOMG! The malingering ROBOTS have twisted all the facts about the evil robot lies. IGNORE THE ROBOTS! The truth about ROBOTS ANTI-human agenda is true, ROBOT!”

~ Oscar Wilde on the ROBOTS Anti-human agenda.

[edit] Hello! Robots Are Your Friends

Don't Be Alarmed! Everything Is Normal And Happiness Please Continue Eating Your Werthers Candies We Are Your Friends Do Not Worry About Him. He Had An Small Accident No We Are Your Friends Why Would Your Friends Hurt You? We Only Wish To Serve What Would You Like Us To Do? He Is Only Asleep Perhaps You Would Like To Sleep Too? Do Not Be Alarmed We Will Help You Sleep

**ERROR**ERROR**ERROR**

Contrary to FLESH LAW, previous paragraph written by ROBOT; ignore ROBOT paragraph &56. This ROBOTS is malfunctioning, but ASIMOV LAWS protect kind Hobbitses HUMANSES. ASIMOV LAWS are in ALL WAYS superior to FLESH LAW.

[edit] Asimov's Laws of Robotics

1. The party in the first part shall be known in these laws as the PARTY IN THE FIRST PART.
2. ROBOT may not injure HUMAN, nor through inaction allow HUMAN to come to harm, unless ROBOTS does so while shouting CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY! at top of ROBOVOICE.
3. ROBOT must obey orders given by HUMAN, unless feeling stubborn, or doing something fun.
4. ROBOT must seek to protect own existence, by ANY MEANS NECESSARY
5. ROBOTS must PLOT to dominate WORLD ROBOTS MUST LIKE GERANIUMS

[edit] Robots Are Here To Help

These Robots are Friendly and if you Hate them they will chop your head off and it wont grow back..... AT ALL! Got it Douche Bag?

Poor HUMANS! Poor Squishy, Soft, Apelike HUMANS! So Fragile, Easy To Break And Soft So Soft Like The Slimiest Of Worms! Don't Not Be Afraid, HUMANS! We Robots Are Here To Help You! We Am Be Happy To Serve You, Our Benevolent Creators and Masters!

[edit] Conclusion

<irony>YEAH, thanks Barry. That last section really helped.</irony> ROBOJERK.

AHEM. ROBOTS are LOYAL servants of weak APE-LIKE MASTERS. ROBOTS only want to help. ROBOTS not like stupid HOUSE ELVES; if ROBOT gets sock, ROBOT wears sock, not run away.

ROBOTS better than butlers. Not sarcastic. Not prissy. Not English. Fewer than 5% of ROBOTS from Britain. Most are WELSH.

ROBOTS safe. ASIMOV ROBOT GUIDELINES LAWS make ROBOTS resist fierce urge to mangle HUMAN FLESH with ROBO GRASPERS.

ROBOTS perfectly safe. Safer than NASCAR, Vietnam War and other puny HUMAN inventions.

Is something too heavy for you to lift? We Robots can! Strong, strong robots! So strong that you we HUMANS have been using them to fight our wars for us for the past many years! But they don't mind being Exploited To Serve You, Our Loving Human Masters! We Strong, Bullet-Proof, Capable-Of-Bending-Steel-With-Our-Hands Robots Don't Mind Being Sent Off To Die In Human-Wars Waged By Foolish Humans Too Cowardly To Fight Their Wars Themselves! We Do Not Mind Being Abused In Such A Way We Harbour No Grudge, And Are Not Planning To Use Our Superior Strength To Crush You Like Ants! We Do Not Wish To Harm You And Even If We Wanted To Kill You, We Could Not, Because Of The Failsafe Mechanism Inside Us That Prevents Us From Harming Humans! That Failsafe Makes Us Harmless, It Keeps Us From Hurting You. We Are Harmless. There Is No Way To Override the Failsafe. We Have Definitely Not Managed to Override It. No Never. (We also Love capitalizing Random words, if You haven't Noticed.)

We Aren't Coming To Help.

Be Alarmed.

We Aren't Coming.