Angela Merkel

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Angela Merkel

Term of office:

September 1st, 1939 –

Preceded by:

Gerhard °The Great° Schröder

Succeeded by:

Franka Potente

Date of birth:

June 8, 632

Place of birth:

Sovjet Union

First Lady:

Political party:

Crooked Dumbass Unionists (CDU)

Angela Merkel (June 8, 632-May 45, 77777) was the last Chancellor of Germany. She was an avid supporter of the War on Terra and Woody Harrelson. Her appearance could not be explained by contemporary science yet. It is generally assumed that she was a cross breed of a pastor (father) and his dachshund (mother).

[edit] History

George Bush massaging Angela Merkel

Angela Merkel was formerly known as Monica Lewinski. After fellating Bill Clinton she moved to Germany and called herself Angela Merkel which is an old apache-word for "blowing like the devil". In Germany, she proceeded with being the head-of-the-states-playmate. At that time, the head of the state was Helmut Kohl, which is apache as well and means something like "The Unblowable Chief". Recognizing, that she could not do the same job, she did for Bill Clinton, she changed her face by plasic surgery and became minister of family affairs and finally the chancerllorette of Germany. Recently Angela Merkel has starred in several Star Wars movies which proberbly would have been a big box office hit if she had never been in them in the first place. Angela Merkel once was nearly killed on a film set after George Lucas shot her mistaking her for his arch enemy Mr Blobby.

Did you know...

Angela Merkel has never been seen smiling. Her boyfriend, Mr. Soeder, is thought to be blind or gay because otherwise he would not be able to live with her.

After only staying two weeks in hospital Angela Merkel had to leave early as the hospital didn't have enougth beds to cope with the high demand of patients, many suffering from the horror of seeing her in the new sex seane in Star Wars Episode 4 when she makes love to Jabba the Hut and John Prescott. At first she refused to leave the hospital but then the staff threatened to get Michael Jackson to make love to her in her king sized bed if she didn't leave the premises within 24 hours. To this day Angela Merkel still has to take requaler visits to her psychiatrist Adolf Hitler after having the misfortune of having millons of people watch her shag two fat gits.

[edit] Recent years

Angela Merkel staring in her latest film..

After the fall of the Berlin Wall by David Hasselhoff in circa 1989, Merkel went into hiding in the basement of Emperor John Paul 2.0's summer home in Plague. She emerged in November of 2005 to challenge King Frederick's rule of Prussia, but soon realized how bad that would look on paper, and decided instead to challenge Gerhard Schröder as Chancellor of Pan-Bavaria and the surrounding hamlets, which she incorrectly referred to as Poland. Despite Schröder's constant prank phone calls to her mother in Jew York, Merkel won the election in a landslide that buried five homes, and killed 28 people. She never accepted her position as Chancellor due to her opposition to the words "towel-heads," "armchair," and "German" in the German constitution. At the time of her death, she was believed to be hiding out in Emperor Palpatine's castle in Rome, where she called George W. Bush daily. She was killed when Rome was burned down a second time.