Animals
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"blah blah yap yap dribble dribble dribble!!!"
Scientifically speaking, the term Animals includes everything from single-celled organisms all the way down to people. For legal reasons there are some specific exclusions, including Oprah, Hamsters and God.
According to ancient legend, all animals came from space and are Atheists (they believe he is non existent). Thereafter, people kept them in rounded metallic spheres and summoned them forth to use special powers in order to battle with each other. When they wanted the animals to come out of their spheres, they would say "[Aadvark, Llama, etc], I choose you!" and throw the sphere to the ground. Eventually, after fighting a lot these animals would evolve, which became the basis for Darwin's theory of evolution.
Contents |
[edit] Categorisation of animals
- The first thing to be discerned by scientists among animals is the fact that animals have the same number of limbs as eyes; as in the case of spiders (scuttlearoundia), who have 8 legs, and 8 eyes. Also in the case of cats, who have 4 legs, and thus 4 eyes.
- Secondly they are rated on levels of Furriness, Generality, Scuttlearoundability, and Edibility.
[edit] Animalia (furry animals)
[edit] Class Fidolia (fetch!)
- Stupid Small Brown Dogs
- Big Dogs with Tongues
- Old Dogs that Drool
- Farting Dogs
- Yap Yap Yap All Night Long Dogs
- The Dog With Two Backs
[edit] Class Miaowmiaowia (miaow)
- Hidden Ninja Cats
- Evil Cats
- Cats that ignore you
- Cats that like you (endangered)
- Dead Cats
[edit] Class Musicaliae
- Pigs
- Dogs
- Sheep
- Killer Sheep
[edit] Class Mammalia (yo mamma lookslikia)
- Pigs
- Pugs
- Camels
- Elephants
- Whales
- Bulldogs chewing wasps
- QUE LA COGIDA ES TU PROBLEMA?????
[edit] Class Shootitia (things to kill and eat)
- Wabbits
- Wascally Wabbits
- Wicked Wascally Wabbits
[edit] Class Yumyumia (things ready to eat)
- Ham and Cheese Sandwiches
- Breadsticks
- Pizza
- Burritos with beans
[edit] Class Tomandjerryia (cartoon animals)
- Tomandjerry
- Itchyandscratchy
- Daffyandbugs
- Donaldious
- Mickeyus
- Pinkyandthebrain
- That weird one that looks like a horseios
[edit] Class Spookilicuddlia (furry furry animals)
- Furrialia Mushtoomucia (virtual furries)
- Furrialia Conventia (actual furries)
- Furrialia Easterbunnisuitia (scary furries)
- Furrialia Pornographicia (make-you-consider-changing-Classes furries)
[edit] Flyawaylia (things in the air)
[edit] Class Aves (birds)
- Small Brown Birds
- Ex-Parrots
- Birds Flying in the Distance
- Dead Parrot
- Kookaburras
- Chicken
- Roast Chicken
- Chicken Drumsticks
- Chicken McSandwich
- Chicken McNuggets
- Leftover Fridge Chicken
[edit] Class Buzzaroundia (flying buzzing stinging)
- Homing Wasps
- Kamikaze Bees
- Formation Hornets
- Infestation Ants
[edit] Class Whizzaroundia (flying buzzing crapping on your food)
- Bluebottles, Greenbottles, Redbottles
- Horseflies
- Iaintneverseenanelephantflies
- Kamikazi Watermelons
- George; The mysterious flying monkey (with a knife)
[edit] Class Galeaei (hats)
- Big floppy hats with Ostrich feathers
- Pith Helmets with Chicken feathers
- Daft little box hats with a bit of gauze and a small blue feather
- Hats made of nothing but feathers
- Viking Helmets with gigantic horns that can impale you just by looking at them.
[edit] Peopleia (people generally)
The race of generally stupid hairless apes that whenever something intelligent is found it is seen as heresy.
[edit] Class Spontania (women)
- Good looking girls (endangered)
- Ugly women
- Girls who shouldn't be there when your wife gets home
- Sports Illustrated Girls
- Your Mom (hunting season)
[edit] Subclass Irritatia (wimmin)
- Feminists
- Peace campaigners
- Women in dungarees
- Hairy women (of all kinds)
- Vicky T
- Popushi mi kurac majmune! Razumijes li me razumijes!
[edit] Class Allthesameia (men)
- Blokes, guys, chaps, geezers, men, all your mates
- Pizza delivery boys
- Barmen
- Mick Jagger
- Michael Caine
[edit] Genitalia (Gentlemen)
[edit] Class Kingii (kings)
- King Edward
- King Henry VIII
- Stephen King
- King Size
- Burger King
- Larry King
- King of Kensington
[edit] Wailywailia (things that make you go 'ooo' or 'eek')
[edit] Class Amphibia (slimy pond life)
- Salamanders
- Frogs and Toads
- Newt Gingrich
- also Vicky T
[edit] Class Scuttlearoundia (anything with too many legs)
- Spiders
- Spiders in the bath
- Spiders that hide in your bed sheets
- Spiders on the stairs at night
- Spiders in the garage or shed
- Big furry spiders
- Small running-around-fast spiders
- Evil jumping spiders
- Zombie venom spiders
- Creepy things under stones
- Slipper Scorpions
- Earwigs
- Centipedes
- Millipedes
- Googlepedes
- Wikipedes
- Quintatripazillaomgthatsalotoflegsipedes
- Infinitypedes
- Infinity+1pedes
- You
- Jo Momma
- eight leggered chickens
[edit] Class Slitheria (things with no legs at all that don't look right)
- Motherfuggin' Snakes on motherfuggin' plane!
- Bed Snakes
- Trouser Snakes
- Apple Slugs
- Invisible jellyfish floating behind you in the sea with long tentacles around your legs
- A baby with its arms and legs chopped off
- A baby with its arms and legs chopped off in a clown suit
[edit] Class Jacksonii (bony white things)
[edit] Slipguncia (Blobs of squishy stuff)
[edit] Class Atkinsia (White squishy stuff)
- Lard
- Gum
- Your mom
- Pillsbury Dough Boy
- Rosie O'Donnel
[edit] Class Snottia (Scum)
- Pond scum
- Mildew
- Algae
- Riff-raff
[edit] Class Plasticia (Man-made)
- Silly Putty
- Peanut butter
- Melted Snickers
- Michael Jackson
- You guess. It's what you've wanted to hear all throughout this phylum. Squishy...
- Jello
[edit] Class Youtubius
Atlius Capronius Atlius in the Wild
[edit] Class Unknown (only have heard in legend)
- Chuck Norris
- Mr. T
