Animal Farm
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Animal Farm is the codename given to a large agricultural drive set up by Josef Stalin in 1933 amidst the growth of Soviet industry and economy.
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[edit] Origins
Stalin, at first, didn't care about farming because he wasn't much of a gardening man, and there were very few crops that would grow in the Soviet Union without being threatened to be shot. To solve this problem, Stalin declared all vegetables as decadent and bourgeois, outlawing vegetarians and enforcing everyone to eat animal flesh.
Animal Farm (official name: Operation: Yo Mario! wassa goin on, this is such a bad uncyclopeda article. I'm gonna taker up it's a space with a long and unnecersary name for an operation that self referances itself!) was an effort to breed huge numbers of livestock for such an operation, including Pigs, Chickens, Fish, Cows and small woodland animals. Enormous breeding plants were set up across Russia to deal with this, and to mass-breed animals for slaughter once they were ripe. Breeding plants of another variety were also constructed, thus explaining why Russia has so many fucking people.
[edit] The Heads of Department
Because of the size of the Soviet Union, Stalin appointed several of his subordinates to deal with Animal Farm in the varying regions of the Soviet Union. These were:
- Vladimir Putin - Russia
- Borat Sagdiyev - Kazakhstan
- Tony Blair - Kyrgyzstan
- Gordon Brown - Tajikistan
- Satan - Uzbekistan
- John Prescott - Turkmenistan
- Karl Marx - Georgia
- Count Dracula - Romania
Each head had their own private pen of pigs to eat at home, and each representative was responsible for at least one slaughterhouse. The number varied depending on the size of the country and the size of the stomachs of their representatives.
[edit] Success or Failure?
To begin with, Animal Farm looked like a success to the outside world, where news of force-feeding people the corpses of animals appeared to be working. But, in 1934, a French reporter, posing as a Communist, discovered the truth.
The slaughterhouses were having difficulty in breeding the livestock, as most of the aphrodesiacs they tried seemed only to poison the animals, and Stalin was constantly executing the oldest of the pigs for "...crimes against the Soviet Union...". As a result, the representatives for Animal Farm were being forced to feed the populous with the corpses of people killed in the Purges.
[edit] Aftermath
With pressure both externally and internally, Stalin was forced to restart the vegetable line, especially after a group of killer tomatoes, who had gotten wind of the atrocity, threatened to attack Stalin in a manner similar to the Great Tomato War.
