Anti-Sheen
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[edit] Origins
Prior to the year 1997, Anti-Charlie Sheen was a simple actor and journeyman philanderer, living peacefully in the Inverse Universe. There he lived in harmony with legions of adoring Hollywood sycophants and kitten-pushers, much like countless iterations of Charlie Sheen living parallel existences in countless dimensions previously unknown to human kind.
In 1997, scientists playing in God's domain in their efforts to clone the Charlie Sheen known and loved in our dimension made a fateful breakthrough in their ill-conceived research. By attempting to extract a Charlie Sheen from another dimension into our own, the scientists unwittingly brought the Inverse Universe into direct contact with this one.
The Charlie Sheen from the Inverse Universe was dragged through the inter-dimensional portal, with no comprehension of what was happening to him. The trauma to his system of experiencing sensory data the inverse of that to which he was accustomed broke in an instant his tenuous grip on reality. In that moment he turned from a man of peace and family entertainment to a ruthless, sociopathic despot, bent on totalitarian domination of all that lay before him. He had become the Anti-Sheen.
[edit] The Sheen Wars
Thus was set in motion the horrific chain of events which history has come to know as the Sheen Wars. The Anti-Sheen swiftly raised an army of anti-soldiers, drawn from the Inverse Universe by way of a second portal. By 1998, the United States of America, along with such democratic superpowers as Romania, Georgia and Poland, had declared covert war on the Antian forces. Day by day, week by week, more and more terrible atrocities were not reported, and were indeed denied at the highest level.
By 2001 the Antians had established their main stronghold at Jonestown. At the same time another player was jostling for supremacy in the power game - TV's notorious cannibal and talk-show host, Conan O'Brien. O'Brien's growing popularity, particularly in the African continent, represented a threat to both the Antian Alliance and the human Coalition of the Indifferent led by the U.S. Desertion on both sides was rife.
In 2002, Ming the Merciless was unexpectedly eliminated by followers of the secret sect of Boogoodoogooloogoodoogoo. This left a power vacuum in south-east Asia, and soon all the dust and cake crumbs were gone. In the U.S., Congress had invited Billy Barty to remain in the White House for a remarkable third term, in order to continue the human resistance to the Antian threat. As this was a covert war, an election was not considered necessary, and the constitution was quietly re-written. Members of the press were abducted, beaten, tickled, dunked in cold water, and electrocuted until they signed written statements vowing never to report a single word on the Sheen Wars, for fear of causing an international panic. Those few who still dissented were offered compulsory indefinite vacations in the sunny island resort of Guantanamo Bay.
[edit] Ongoing conflict
In 2003, two elite guards were recruited, taking the Sheen Wars to a still higher level of secrecy and depravity. Charlie Sheen himself assumed command of the renegade troop known later as the "Raccoon Wranglers". This group of shaggy-haired, wild-eyed desperados were able to gain an audience with the monstrous warlord Conan O'Brien, from which they returned with most of their limbs. An accord was reached between the Coalition of the Indifferent and Those For Conan in order to combat the Antian Alliance.
Anti-Charlie Sheen had meanwhile formed a select unit in response to the Raccoon Wranglers, a group of men, women and livestock every bit as mean and rugged as their counterparts, possibly even more so. They took the name the "Jawbreakers", and from their base in Jonestown they launched many daring sorties into occupied territory, swiftly liberating the small African nations from the control of Conan.
None of these terrible truths may ever be revealed to the world as we know it, lest others try to exploit the inter-dimensional portals to the Inverse Universe for their own petty gains. The Sheen Wars continue day by day, skirmish upon reprisal, in the utmost secrecy.
If you have any further information on the doings of the Anti-Sheen, you best look to the skies my friend, because those big black helicopters are a-coming, and they're a-coming for you.
[edit] See also
Categories: Wars | Gods | Actors | World domination
