Anvil
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Created in the early Cretacious Period, at the dawn of mankind's existence, the Anvil was initially used in construction. Over the centuries, however, the Anvil has evolved and is now almost unheard-of in the tool-making world. Before creation of the anvil, humans still resided in large cave systems, and the anvil has played a major part in planetary evolution over the centuries. Useful in a number of different ways, the anvil has now become an integral part of modern life.
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[edit] Use in Ancient Times
Ancient uses of an anvil included:
- Tool-making
- Occasionally used as missiles (useful for hitting children)
- Sitting on when you run out of chairs,
- Admiring the shine... so pretty...
[edit] Anvil Information
Back in the dawn of the anvil's creation, ownership of an anvil was a luxury only a select few could afford. Anvil value increased with size; a smaller anvil would be considered similar to a Honda, while a larger anvil would be a Lamborghini. As with the modern car, the size and value of an anvil often served as an inverse indication to the size of the owner's penis.
Over the years, anvils have evolved and are now used for a variety of things. For some, the anvil is employed as a kind of table for making weapons; for others, anvils are kept on high buildings (such as the Empire State Building) to drop onto innocent bystanders. For a select "chosen few" the anvil is a kind of godly being, known as the Anielius Anvilus or Great Anvil.
And remember... They are F******, EVERYWHERE!
[edit] Anvils Today
Anvils today are used for a number of things aside from the age-old weapons system. They have enjoyed a long and productive career in cartoons, in a similar way to the banana skin, and a Golden Anvil was considered as a replacement to the usual statuette in the 1977 Oscars.
- The Annielus Anvilus is worshipped around the world, with the religion set to become more popular than Christianity by 2010.
- The Anvil is considered a delicacy in some parts of northern Chihuahua
- Tiny Anvils form an integral part of the modern hard drive, making up as much as 60% of total weight.
- Metal from recycled anvils caused a scandal in 1998, when it emerged that the metal formed an ingredient in McDonalds Chicken Nuggets.
[edit] Anvils as a weapon
The Drop
Find a high building. Location is flexible, though a city is preferable as it increases the likelihood of your anvil hitting its target; namely, another human being. If no cities are available for appointment, a tall tree will suffice, although you may have to downsize your preferred target to small woodland creatures. Frostbite is another important risk in these areas, as you may have to wait several days for a large enough animal to come along. Tell you what, maybe you should just go home and watch TV.
Once your building has been found, take the lift to the highest floor (this will be the one nearest the roof; obtaining a plan of the building may be necessary if you have trouble with this) and place your anvil on the sill of an open window. Calculate the distance from the window to the ground using your handy tape measure and, using the speed of a falling object (8.3 m/s), calculate the time it will take for your anvil to drop onto the head of your victim. Try to ensure that the victim is not elderly, carrying children or otherwise engaged in human activity, as this would result in murder and a very long visit to Mr Jailhouse on your part.
As the victim gets within range, push your anvil off the windowsill and watch it drop with glee. Congratulations! You've just committed your first murder. Better get out of here before the cops arrive.
