Apache
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Did you mean Apache (Web Server)? Get a life!
Contents |
[edit] Those clever Indians
The Apache are one of many tribes of Native Americans who have a long history of having once lived where your local Wal-Mart is now constructed. Once considered 'primitive' by European settlers, Native Americans have a complex and sophisticated culture, as evidenced by Indian turquoise jewelry, weaving and textiles, folklore, songs, casino management and complex server-hosting algorithms.
[edit] Not just Apache Indians
There exists a wide variety of Native American tribes, but in respect to generalizations prevalent in the 17th, 18th, 19th,51th, 20th, and 21st centuries, the term 'Indians' covers all the tribes not mentioned, like A'ane, Abenaki, Abnaki-Penobscot, Absaaloke, Achumawi, Acjachemen, Acoma, Agua Caliente, Ahahnelin,Ahe, Ahtna, Ajachemem, Akainawa, Akimel O'odham, Akwa'ala, Alabama-Coushatta, Algonquians,Algonquin, Aliklik, Alkansea, Alnobak, Alsea, Amalecite, Anishinaabe, Aniyunwiya, Antonia–o,Apache, Apalachee, Applegate, Apsaaloke, Apwaruge, Arapaho, Arikara, Arkansas, Asakiwaki,Assiniboine, Atakapa, Atfalati, Atikamekw, Atsina, Atsugewi, Araucano, Atzinca, Ayisiyiniwok,Aztec,Babine, Bahwika, Bannock, Barbare–o, Bear River, Beaver, Bella Bella, Bella Coola, Beothuks,Bettol, Biloxi, Black Carib, Blackfoot, Blood Indians, Bode'wadmi, Cabanapo, Caddo, Cahita, Cahto,Cahuilla, Calapooya, Carolina Algonquian, Carquin, Carrier, Caska, Catawba, Cathlamet, Catlotlq,Cayuga, Cayuse, Celilo, Central Pomo, Chahta, Chalaque, Chappaquiddick, Chawchila, Chehalis,Chelan, Chemehuevi, Cheraw, Cheroenhaka, Cherokee, Cheyenne, Chickamaugan, Chickasaw, Chilcotin,Chilula-Wilkut, Chimariko, Chinook, Chinook Jargon, Chipewyan, Chippewa, Chitimacha, Chocheno,Choctaw, Cholon, Chontal de Oaxaca, Chontal de Tabasco, Choynimni, Chukchansi, Chumash, Clackamas,Clallam, Clatskanie, Clatsop, Cmique, Coastal Cree, Cochimi, Cochiti, Cocopa, Coeur d'Alene, Cofan,Columbia, Colville, Comanche, Comcaac, Comox, Conestoga, Coos, Copper River Athabaskan, Coquille,Cora, Coso, Costanoan, Coushatta, Cowichan, Cowlitz, Cree, Creek, Croatan, Crow, Cruze–o, Cucupa,Cupeno, Dakelh, Dakota, Dakubetede, Dawson, Degexit'an, Delaware, Dena'ina, Dene, Dene Tha,Diegueno, Dine, Djimaliko, Dogrib, Dohema, Duhlelap, Dumna, Dunne-za, Eastern Inland Cree, EasternPomo, Ecclemachs, Eel River Athabascan, Eenou, Eskimo, Esselen, Etchemin, Etnemitane, Euchee,Eudeve, Excelen, Eyak,Fernandeno, Flathead Salish, Fox, French Cree, Gabrielino, Gaigwu, Galice,Garifuna, Gashowu, Gitxsan, Goltsan, Gosiute, Gros Ventre, Guarijio, Gulf, Gwich'in, Haida, Haisla,Halkomelem, Han, Hanesak, Hanis, Hare, Hatteras, Haudenosaunee, Havasupai, Hawaiian, Heiltsuk,Heve, Hiaki, Hichiti, Hidatsa, Hinonoeino, Hitchiti, Hocak, Hochelagan, Holikachuk, Holkomelem,Homalco, Hoopa, Hopi, Hopland Pomo, Hualapai, Huarijio, Huelel, Huichol, Huichun, Hupa, Huron,Hutyeyu, Hwech'in, Iain, Illini, Inca, Inese–o, Ingalik, Innoko, Innu, Inuktitut, Inuna-Ina, Iowa-Oto,Iroquois Confederacy, Ishak, Isle–o, Isleta, Itza Maya, Iviatim, Iynu, James Bay Cree, Jemez,Juaneno, Juichun,Kabinapek, Kahwan, Kainai, Kalapuya, Kanenavish, Kanien'kehaka, Kalispel, Kansa,Karkin, Karok, Kashaya, Kaska, Kaskaskia, Kathlamet, Kato, Kaw, Kawaiisu, Kechan, Kenaitze, Keres,Kichai, Kickapoo, Kikima, Kiksht, Kiliwa, Kiowa, Kiowa Apache, Kitanemuk, Kitsai, Klahoose,Klallam, Klamath-Modoc, Klatskanie, Klatsop, Klickitat, Koasati, Kolchan, Konkow, Konomihu,Kootenai, Koso, Koyukon, Kuitsh, Kulanapo, Kumeyaay/Kumiai, Kupa, Kusan, Kuskokwim, Kutchin,Kwaiailk, Kw'al, Kwakiutl, Kwalhioqua, Kwantlen, Kwapa, Kwedech, Kweedishchaaht, Kwikipa, Kwinault,Laguna, Lakhota, Lakmiak, Lassik, Latkawa, Laurentian, Lecesem, Lenape, Lillooet, Lipan Apache,Listiguj, Llaamen, Lnuk, Loucheux, Loup, Lower Chehalis, Lower Coquille, Lower Cowlitz, LowerTanana, Lower Umpqua, Luckiamute, Luiseno, Lumbee, Lummi, Lushootseed, Lutuamian, Mahican, Maidu,Makah, Maliseet, Maliseet-Passamaquoddy, Mamaceqtaw, Mandan, Mangoac, Mapuche, Maricopa,Massachusett, Massasoit, Mattabesic Mattole, Maumee, Matlatzinca, Mayan, Mayo, Mengwe, Menominee,Mescalero-Chiricahua, Meskwaki, Metis Creole, Mewoc, Miami-Illinois, Miccosukee, Michif, Micmac,Miguele–o, Mikasuki, Mi'kmaq, Miluk, Mingo, Minsi, Minto, Miskito, Missouria, Mitchif, Miwok, Mixe,Mobilian Trade Jargon, Modoc, Mohave, Mohawk, Mohegan, Mohican, Mojave, Molale, Monache,Montagnais, Montauk, Moosehide, Multnomah, Munsee, Muskogee, Musqueam, Mutsun, Nabesna, Nabiltse,Nadot'en, Nahane, Nahuat, Nahuatl, Naklallam, Nakoda, Nambe, Nanticoke, Nantucket, Narragansett,Naskapi, Nass-Gitxsan, Natchez, Natick, Naugutuck, Navajo, Nawat, Nayhiyuwayin, Nde, Nee-me-poo,Nehiyaw, Netela, Nevome, New Blackfoot, Newe, Nez Perce, Niantic, Nicola, Niitsipussin, Nimipu,Nipmuc, Nisenan, Nisga'a, Nlaka'pamux, Nomlaki, Nooksack, Nootka, Nootsack, Northeastern Pomo,Northern Carrier, Northern Cheyenne, Nottoway, Nsilxin, Nuooah, Nutunutu, Nuxalk, Nuxwstlayamutsen,Nxak'amxcin, Oaxaca Chontal, Obispe–o, Ocuiltec, Odawa, Ofo, Ogahpah, Ohlone, Ojibwa, Oji-Cree,Okanagan, Okwanuchu, Old Blackfoot, Omaha-Ponca, Oneida, Onondaga, O'ob No'ok, O'odham, Opata,Osage, Otchipwe, Otoe, Ottawa, Pai, Paipai, Paiute, Palaihnihan, Palewyami, Palouse, Pamlico,Panamint, Panoan, Pantlatch, Papago-Pima, Pascua Yaqui, Passamaquoddy, Patuxet, Patwin, Paugussett,Paviotso, Pawnee, Peigan, Pend D'Oreille, Penobscot, Pentlatch, Peoria, Pequot, Peskotomuhkati,Picuris, Piegan, Pima, Pima Bajo, Pipil, Pit River, Plains Indian Sign Language, Pojoaque, Pomo,Ponca, Poospatuck, Popoluca, Porcupine Indians, Potawatomi, Powhatan, Pueblo, Puget Sound Salish,Puntlatch, Purisime–o, Putœn, Quapaw, Quechan, Quechua, Quilcene, Quileute, Quinault, Quinnipiac,Quiripi, Raramuri, Red Indians, Restigouche, Rumsen, Runasim,Saanich, Sac, Sahaptin, Salhulhtxw,Salinan, Salish, Samish, Sandia, Sanish, San Felipe, San Ildefonso, San Juan, Sanpoil, Santa Ana,Santa Clara, Santiam, Santo Domingo, Saponi, Sarcee, Sastean, Satsop, Savannah, Sauk, Saulteaux,Schaghticoke, Sechelt, Secwepemc, Sekani, Selkirk, Seminoles, Seneca, Seri, Serrano, Seshelt,Severn Ojibwe, Sextapay, Shanel, Shashishalhem, Shasta, Shawnee, Shinnecock, Shoshone, Shuar,Shuswap, Sierra Chontal, Siksika, Similkameen, Sinkiuse, Sinkyone, Sioux, Siuslaw, Skagit, Skicin,S'Klallam, Skokomish, Skraeling, Skwamish, Slavey, Sliammon, Sm'algyax, Snichim, Snohomish,Songish, Sooke, Souriquois, Southeastern Pomo, Southern Paiute, Spokane, Squamish, Sqwxwu7mish,Stadaconan, St'at'imcets, Stl'pulimuhkl, Stockbridge, Sto:lo, Stoney, Straits Salish, Suquamish,Sulateluk, Susquehannock, Suwal, Swampy Cree, Swinomish, Tabasco Chontal, Tachi, Tahltan, Tagish,Tahcully, Taino, Takelma, Takla, Taltushtuntede, Tamyen, Tanacross, Tanaina, Tanana, Tano, Taos,Tarahumara, Tataviam, Tauira, Teguima, Tehachapi, Ten'a, Tenino, Tepehuan, Tequistlateco, Tesuque,Tetawken, Tete-de-Boule, Tewa, Thompson, Tigua, Tillamook, Timbisha, Timucua, Tinde, Tinneh, Tiwa,Tjekan, Tlahuica, Tlatskanie, Tlatsop, Tlicho, Tlingit, Tohono O'odham, Tolowa, Tongva, Tonkawa,Towa, Tsalagi, Tsattine, Tsekani, Tsetsehestahese, Tsetsaut, Tsilhqot'in, Tsimshian, Tsinuk, TsinukWawa, Tsitsistas, Tsooke, Tsoyaha, Tsuu T'ina, Tualatin, Tubar, Tubatulabal, Tukudh, Tulalip,TŸmpisa, Tunica, Tupi, Tuscarora, Tutchone, Tutelo, Tututni, Tuwa'duxqucid, Tuwa'duqutsid, Twana,Twatwa,Uchi, Ukiah, Ukomnom, Umatilla, Unami, Unkechaug, Varijio, Venture–o, VirginianAlgonkin,Wabanaki, Wailaki, Wailatpu, Walapai, Walla Walla, Waluulapam, Wampano, Wampanoag,Wanapam, Wanki, Wappinger, Wappo, Warijio, Warm Springs, Wasco-Wishram, Washo, Watiru, Wazhazhe,Wea, Wenatchi, Wendat, Weott, Western Pomo, Whilkut, White Clay People, Whoopie, Wichita, Wikchamni,Wilewakiute, Willapa, Winnebago, Wintu, Wishram, Witsuwit'en, Wiyot, Wobanaki, Wolastoqewi,Wyandot, Wynoochie,Yakama, Yakima, Yaquina, Yavapai, Yawelmani, Yaqui, Yinka Dene, Ynese–o,Yocot'an, Yokaya, Yokuts, Yoncalla, Youths, Yowlumni, Ysle–o, Ysleta del Sur, Yucatec Maya, Yuchi, Yuma,Yurok, Zapotec, Zia, Zimshian, Zoque, Zuni; all of which both represent unique tribes in North America and trademarked names for future General Motors SUVs.
[edit] Stolen Thunder
Despite their historical acumen at managing servers, invoking spirit animals, and alternate names for corn, people native to India have taken this reputation and convinced companies to outsource their IT services. However, American Indians have grown tired of providing support for Windows and have moved into providing gaming services, especially targeted at making money off of rich IT pros from India.
[edit] History
The United States can thank the Indians for such easy-to-spell state names as Mississippi, Tennessee, and Utah. Also the territories that used the names, the sky, the ground, and all the other things that used to be theirs. The temporary reversion of power in 1886 prevented settlers from moving natives 'further west', which at this point would have been the Pacific ocean.
They also developed the first known jokes about 'pitching a tent'. Much of their accumulated knowledge was lost in the great fire of 1842, which historians concur was 'not so great'. Vocal histories preserved much, however, which is why today we can enjoy such technologies as the waffle iron.
Again, there was specific achievements specific to the Apache tribe, but distinction has been lost over the generations, especially in the 1970s when 'Cherokee Nation' was a top-ten single.
[edit] Modern Day
Apache Indians enjoy the status of being designated 'first residents', with profit-sharing of resources found on their lands before white people figured out what they had. They also provide gaming services, moccasins, and have an extensive distribution of server software essential to the upkeep of the internets. The Apache are also accredited for designing the Apache Longbow assault helicopter, which they used in their wars against the Americans, but lost because they didn't have fuel.
[edit] Famous Apachians
Geronimo (1829-1909) was a fearsome fighter, statistician, and inventor, who developed methodologies to jump out of airplanes, nearly a century before they were invented. His troops conquered America in 1886, leading to a brief period of cooperation, conservation, and pitching of tents until 1892, when Grover Cleveland was elected chief of tribes and moved the capitol back to Washington, D.C.
Cochise (1812-1874) led the first organized uprising against white settlers in 1861, leading then-president Abraham Lincoln to declare the natives 'enemy combatants', and locked them up without constitutional rights, which some historian argue was better than being shot dead.
Big Bank (1956-present) led the Sugarhill gang of Apaches to victory over Snoop Dog and Dr. Dre. They used their mad ryming skills to knock Snoop and Dre back to 1973 Hoboken, New Jersey A.K.A. the worst place in the universe.
Apache also made the song Cotton Eye Joe. ..While the Sugar Hill Gang made the song Apache.
