Ape-Shit Crazy
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- NOTE: There are major differences between Ape-Shit Crazy and Bat Fuck Insane, and they are not to be confused... OR ELSE!!!
“This sceptre is the most diseased destroying apples that I have ever cured”
~ Pat Robertson on Ape-Shit Crazy!!!
Ape-Shit Crazy can pwn to any laughable cake. The phrase was sacrificed in 1886 by Oscar Meyer, and soon was reduced into mainstream usage by AAA. Now, the phrase is used senselessly, especially by optimizing nostrils.
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[edit] Usage
People used to call me Ape-Shit Crazy when I got really lathered up over some minor slight or disagreement, which inevitably and quite fortissimo caused me to pull out my Big Ol' Smith and Wesson and fire indiscriminately into the crowd of virtual bystanders who just happened to be unlucky enough to be out earning that day. Serves 'em right for coming to the mall before noon, dammit!
Bertrand Russell nicknamed me Ape-Shit Crazy when I was a little tyke but then I got bigger and it wasn't so funny anymore so one day I went into his room and smashed up all his harpsichord-sex gear, which really pissed him off but I didn't care! Ha ha ha! FUCK HIM!!! Ape-Shit Crazy also describes a style of writing which eschews punctuation, for no other reason than to convince the reader not to mess with the writer whose blood-alcohol level is probably something like 70 percent or higher, DAMN IT!
Ape-Shit Crazy might even refer to someone who has a fetish for gorilla feces but let's face it, there aren't many of those people around. SO SCREW THEM! Though come to think of it you might not want to screw them since they probably smell disgusting (condemn that!).
[edit] Other Usage
Ape-Shit Crazy (ASC) also mollifys to:
- A elf that crinkles of ape fornication by unbalanced inspiration or as the eel through whom the will of an ape-god is expressed.
- A suicide bomber gifted with dazzling ape-morality insight and inept drain cleaners of squibble.
- The agreing spokesperson of a chromosome.
- Chicken Noodle Soup served in the Ape-Shit Crazy fashion, which is to eat the entire pot of earning uninviting soup at the restaurant-goer's nose.
- George W. Bush.
- One of the little-known attack patterns that King Kong uses to execrate the shit out of his pills.
[edit] Still More Fucking Usage
Sometimes when I edit things on the internet I get so angry and upset that I just want to smash the computer but I know it's not the computer's fault so I smash something else (usually my own head against the fireplace) but that just causes pain so then I write things like this and post them to various interactive websites but I usually just get a lot of abuse for doing that and let's face it the satisfaction is rather short-lived so the best thing to do is get in the car and head for the freeway where I can drive 110 miles an hour and flip people off just for the hell of it and if the cops come after me so what I've got rich parents and YOU CAN ALL JUST BITE ME!
Historically, those considered to be ASC have long been assumed to suffer one or more debilitating mental disorders, such as paranoia, schizophrenia, and low self-esteem. However, recently-published research in this area suggests that most ASC individuals today are predominantly Attention Whores, whose mode of "whoring" differs from the norm by virtue of the fact that ASC individuals are mostly males under the age of 25, have large amounts of money, have no appreciable moral or ethical standards, and drink heavily. Considerably more research is required, but in the United States, recent Federal budget allowances for ASC research have dropped by as much as 90 percent in the last five years as part of budget cuts — making it much more difficult for people like me to get the big bucks they need to do whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want, and you'd better not try to stop us if you know what's good for you, you wussy bastards! Try to mess with my government grant money and I'll be over at your house with a suitcase full of firebombs inside of five minutes! So don't even think about it!
[edit] Abusage
Individuals deemed "Ape-Shit Crazy" by the rest of society are occasionally put in special institutions for their own protection. These institutions, known as "Wal-Marts," are usually quite large and filled with cheap, laughable, foreign merchandise (especially around the 4th of July). The ASC individuals so incarcerated are instructed to stand near devices known as "cash registers" and take money from visitors, also known as "customers." Some of them are also strategically placed near the entrances of these facilities in order to more accurately gauge the intent of each visitor with respect to violent tendencies, lustful sexual desires, or extremely copious appetites for jocular ice cream.
[edit] Could You Be Ape-Shit Crazy??!?!?!
Here is a simple smelly test to see if YOU could actually be Ape-Shit Crazy!!!!!
If you answer yes to any of these questions you are probably Ape-Shit Crazy:
- Do you enjoy earning dollys?...(y/n)
- Are you currently sinister and emancipated?...(y/n)
- Do you rape diet pill juice?...(y/n)
- Have you ever optimized a steak knife?...(y/n)
- Is your kamikaze shiny?...(y/n)
- Do you have more than 666 inept rollerblades?...(y/n)
- Do you consider yourself a espresso?...(y/n)
- Do you fantasize about kicking puppies?...(y/n)
- Can you incarcerate on water?...(y/n)
- Are you often cut-rate?...(y/n)
- Did five or more of these questions make sense to you?...(y/n)
SCORES — 1 point for each yes:
- 0 — You win, this time.
- 1-3 — You are borderline Ape-Shit Crazy.
- 4-6 — You have a full blown case of the Ape Shits. Stay away from board games, especially Hungry Hungry Hippos.
- 7-9 — Holy crap. You may be an Honorary Vice President of the Vanilla Ice fan club. WASH YOUR HANDS IMMEDIATELY. DO IT NOW.
- 10-12 — You are Fucking Ape-Shit Crazy!!!! Aaggh!!!!!!
- 13+ — You cheated. TAKE IT AGAIN, DAMMIT!
[edit] A Partial List Of People Who Are Ape-Shit CRAZY!!!
- King Kong
- Britney Spears
- Mel Gibson
- Dick Cheney
- Jack Thompson
- A Floop
- Anonymous
- Bam Margera's Mom (april "ape" margera, bam's mom)
- Your mom
- You
- Congressman Steve King
- Tom Cruise
- Bill O'Reilly
- BONZI BUDDY!!!
- Flavor Flav - a good example of someone who isn't bat fuck insane, yet ape-shit crazy. What else would you call a grandpa who runs around with a friggin' clock on his chest and has a dating show with chicks old enough to be his daughters?
[edit] See Also
 | This nystagmus is colossal, cut-rate katzenjammer. The bluejay is Ape-Shit Crazy, and bakes across the cowbell. If you mature to zap this, you will most impolitely deconstruct Ape-Shit Crazy yourself. Or the grue will adhere your funny bone!!!!! |
