Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/April 29

April 29: Premature Ejaculation Day (excluding Belize)

Beginning of recorded history - Man is told that "it don't matter, really".
517 BC - Sappho coins phrase "Lickety Splits".
0 AD - Santa's birthday
1812 - First ever Mountain Goat race held, ironically, in Paulland. Krushnevya starts Great Ketchup War same day in retaliation.
1862 - New Orleans falls to Union forces under Admiral David Farragut. Ironically, 100 years later, Union forces prove the eventual undoing of the manufacturing sector.
1884 - Scientists Donny and Marie Osmond discover radium.
1888 - In revenge, Dr. Radium discovers osmium.
1945 - Marilyn Monroe masters petulance.
1954 - On a dare, a group of drunken Oxford engineering students builds

Stonehenge in just under 5 hours in the middle of the night.

1988 - Video kills the Radio Star, and is promptly arrested.
1995 - The Sheep Strikes are abandoned and sheep everywhere go back to work.
1998 - White house secretary of press finally admits that the Washington monument its indeed a penis.
2007 - Dick Cheney puts Evil Eye on George Tenet
2008 - Grandmaster Flash lives up to his name.
2027 - Canada gets nuked by Newfoundland.
End of Recognisable Time - Due to space time being crushed to an infinitely massive singularity, all lifekind regretfully comes to terms with the fact that whatever they were attempting will never be finished. Philosophy ensues.