Arab-Israeli Conflict (video game)

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Video Game Wars

In Development

Note: The game Arab-Israeli Conflict and the manual that goes with it are each a work of fiction. All of the characters, events, locations, logos and entities portrayed or depicted in this game are fictional. Furthermore, any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincedental. If any real persons, living or dead, or actual events or entities do in fact resemble those in the real world, well it sucks to be them, don't it? If you are offended by this game or parts of it, then you are taking it way too seriously and have no sense of humour and very well could be from a nation like Israel or some other third-world dirt-poor nation that opresses its people and forces them into poverty in order to put most of their money into the military to fight for some war over land, oil, religion or some other thing that nobody cares about but people are blowing themselves up over it anyway. I mean your government could have spent that money on your education for a college or into producing food so the poor in your nation wouldn't starve, or building houses for the homeless or any number of useful things. If you are, then getting upset over some silly video game is the least of your worries, isn't it?

This video game is rated M, for mature, immature people should not read or play it. Tipper Gore and Jack Thompson strongly suggest that you do not view or play this video game. Liberals claim this video game is based on lies and propaganda. Conservatives want you to choose the side of Isreal. Terrorists and Muslims want you to side with the Islamic nations. Atheists don't really care and consider this game a big waste of time with no scientific or logical value. Moloch gets a hard-on from this game, and wants more people to be sacrificed to him over it. Satan may have been involved at creating this game, but refuses to take credit, aiming the blame at some entity named Allah who is pretending to be God and wishes that he (Satan) himself had thought about it first.

Contents

[edit] Operation Six Day War

*Israel has entered the game.*
*Palestine has entered the game.*
*Egypt has entered the game.*
*Jordan has entered the game.*
*Syria has entered the game.*

<Egypt>Let us help our Muslim brothers, we shall attack Isreal, and then you Jordan back us up. Israel has land that belongs to us Arabs.

*Egypt has sealed off the Straits of Tiran.*

<Jordan>: Yes yes Jihad!

* Palestine has thrown a stone*

<Syria>: Lets do this shit.

<Isreal>: WTF? you sealed off all my gun ports n shit.

<Egypt>: lol, you r the suxxor.

<Isreal>: stfu noobs. Ima kill you bitches first.

*Isreal uses 1337 airforce cheat*

* Isreal ATTACKS Jordan, Egypt, AND Syria WITH AIRFORCE. 240 DAMAGE TO JORDAN, 180 TO EGYPT, 200 TO SYRIA.*

<Egypt>: WTF? HAX!!!

<Jordan>: Dude Egypt you noob! You told us that we would pwn his ass!

<Syria>: dumbasses. You fuckin suck! He killed my whole airforce!

<Isreal>: im in ur base killin ur planes

* Isreal ATTACKS Egypt FOR 500 DAMAGE AND OCCUPIES SINAI.*

<Egypt>: WTF?!?!?!???!?!?!?!?

* Egypt ADMINSITERS FALSE PROPGANDA! GAINS 15+ MORALE.*

* Palestine has thrown a stone*

<Syria>: lol he atta-

* Isreal ATTACKS Syria FOR 50 DAMAGE! TAKES GOLAN HEIGHTS! *

<Isreal>: lol noobs.

<Jordan>: Man, I knew that this wasn't worth it...

* Isreal PWNS Jordan FOR 75 DAMAGE AND TAKES WEST BANK! *

<Jordan>: dammit. you all sux.

* Jordan has abruptly left the game*

<Syria>: aww shit

* The United Nations have entered the game*

<United Nations>: crap sry im late. whatd i miss?

<Egypt>: goddamit, thant, you always do this!

<United Nations>: come on! im here rnt i?

<Isreal>: lol u missed sum major pwnage. look at the map now

<United Nations>: freakin noob! ur wreckin my score!

<Isreal>: poor baby.

<United Nations>: give that land the hell back, or ima get international on yer ass!

<Syria>: hahaha!

* Palestine has thrown a stone*

<Isreal>: screw u noob. u couldnt even hold the golan heights.

* Syria has abruptly left the game*

<Egypt>: woulda kicked ur butt if my team wasn't fucking leavers

* Egypt has abruptly left the game*

<Isreal>: u can have the freakin sinai its just desert neway

* Isreal has abruptly left the game*

* The United Nations have abruptly left the game*

[edit] Operation This land is our land, it is not your land!

*Arik has entered the game*
*Yasser has entered the game*
<Yasser>: We want our land back.
<Arik>: Your land, WTF? This is our land! Yahweh promised us this land.
<Yasser>: No it is our land, Allah promised it to us.
<Arik>: We shall see about that.
*Nubile Young Terrorist HQ fires rockets into Isreal*
*+43 Damage, 143 Isreali civilians are destroyed, $12.5 Million in property damage.*
<Yasser>: I dare you to cross this line in Leb-Anon to our Nubile Young Terrorist HQ that is killing your people with rockets.
<Arik>: You'll take it up the ass and like it!
<Yasser>: Are we speaking personally or professionally???
<Arik>: Shimon, Ya'ala! What do you think, I'm an old turtle? I'm going to sit here waiting all day?
*Shimon has entered the game*
*IDF closes off all access to Yasser's Nubile Young Terrorist HQ.*
<Arik>: I knew he'd like that.
*Zubeidi has entered the game*
<Zubeidi>: We Palestininians DEMAND UN protection from NYT HQ! Get our boys out or we will all go on a national hunger strike!
*Arik pats Shimon on the back*
*Shimon falls over*
<Arik>: Sometimes they make it so easy.
<Shimon>: Other times they take it so hard.
<Yasser>Hey Egypt, Jordan help us out. Jihad!
<Egypt>Sorry we tried that with the seven day war, remember. Besides we are not terrorists like you.
<Jordan>Yeah we signed a peace treaty and all of that, if we leave Isreal alone they leave us alone.
<Egypt>So you are on your own, may Allah forgive you.
*Khalid has entered the game*
<Zubeidi>: Damn those arrogant pricks! Khalid, go get your nephew Mahmoud. Send him to the Tel Aviv vegetable market.
*Mahmoud has entered the game*
*Ten Israelis killed in vegetable market bombing in Tel Aviv.*
*Mahmoud has abruptly left the game*
<Arik>: Where is that Koos-Emek escape artist Zubeidi? Attack Jenin again.
*IDF raids Jenin; Zubeidi escapes exploding car!*
<Zubeidi>Allah be praised, I survived!
<Yasser>: (Cough, Cough) We condemn this attack as being counter-productive and furthermore it hasn't added to my Swiss bank account.
*The Sheikh has entered the game*
<The Sheikh>: Arik, we are brothers. Let us be at peace. Let my woman make for you hummus and your woman make for me pitot and it will be good.
<Arik>: Is he on crack again? Why doesn't Shin Bet tell me these things? What am I, psychic? Attack the Hamas Safe House in Ramallah when the women and children are out of the building.
<The Doctor>: Why couldn't you have just issued another fatwa? As The Sheikh, couldn't you just condemn the filthy Israelis to hell forever with no possibility of virgins!? That should be adequate deterrant. Wait, WTF? THE SHEIKH'S IN THE SAFEHOUSE!!!
*Israeli Gunship fires hellfire missles at Hamas Safehouse*
*+142 damage to Hamas safehouse*
*+30 damage to The Sheikh*
*The Sheikh has abruptly left the game*
*Europe has entered the game*
*Europe is sucking Yasser's ass.*
<Yasser>: Israel must understand that targeted killings will not be considered acceptable by Europe until said Europeans tire of sucking my ass. The Sheikh was...damn, that feels good. Keep sucking.
<The Doctor>: Hamas vows to revenge this crime of Israel with long subterraneous snakelike creatures that will rise above the surface of every Israeli city and suck the blood from every Israeli citizen. We will use this blood to fertilize our new crops and are children will be fruitful, healthy and strong.
<Zubeidi>: Al Aqsa will provide the lookout while you dig.
*Hamas secret underground lab succeeds in bio-engineering giant monster snakes and Hamas members dig underground tunnel system. The lab and the tunnels collapse 3 years into the work, ironically delivering the fatal blow to The Doctor, who was merely inspecting the work before the Grand Opening Ceremony with Al Aqsa*
*The Doctor has abruptly left the game*
<Khalid>: Allah Akhbar! Why are we always blowing ourselves up by accident?
<Zubeidi>: You and I are still alive. And each of us has 13.5 children. As long as our women are chained to the house, we Palestinians are assured the final victory!
*The Doctor's Funeral: Hamas members fire shots into the air for hours. Three small children are killed.*
<Arik>: Sometimes they make it so easy.
<Zubeidi>: The blood of these three children's lives is on Israel's hands. As all Palestinian media outlets have known for years, the Israeli government is controlling even our own bodily actions remotely, through devices hidden in our teeth.
<Shimon>: Other times they take it so hard.
*HezbollahYoMama has entered the game*
Four Israelis killed, 37 wounded in Hadera Bus Station bombing.
*Khalid has abruptly left the game*
<Zubeidi>: Think they can get away with killing those three kids, eh? *Whistling* Recruitment time again, I guess.
*Yasser is flown to France; boys flee NYT HQ.*
*Zionist has entered the game.*
* Palestine has thrown a stone*
*UN has entered the game*
<UN> We herby order HezbollahYoMama to disband.
<HezbollahYoMama> Fuck off UN, we are getting our members in Leb-Anon's government.
<Yasser> I feel sick. I am getting too old for this shit.
*Yasser has abruptly left the game.*
<Arik>Oh my heart, this is too much. I had a heart all along? Oh no, the stress has given me a stroke. I am getting too old for this shit, too.
*Arik has entered a hospital for surgery.*

[edit] Operation "Let's Catch One Israeli Soldier, That'll Finally Get Them All To Leave"

<|-|/\|\/|/\5>|)oodZ, w3 g0t 1 is|7/\3|_i s0|_|)13|7! \/\/3 j5Ut 1 t3|-| \/\//\|7!

<Palestinean Authority>Hm, old chap, won't that make the Israelis rather cross at all of us? Taking one of their soldiers hostage and dragging him across the border is just asking for trouble. That is not cricket old chap.

<|-|/\|\/|/\5>|=u><0|7 u P/\ = Pu55YZ

<Palestinean Authority>Now, now, foul language accomplishes nothing. . .

<IsReal>Okay, enough of this fucking shit already.

*IsReal attacks GAZA*

*+0 damage to GAZA*

<Zionist>You bombed empty fucking desert, moron.

<IsReal>Oh, yeah, fuxxor, sorry. Forgot to click on "view terrain"

<Zionist>Fucking n00b. Let me do it.

*Zionist attacks GAZA*

* Palestine has thrown a stone*

*+10 damage to GAZA*

<Zionist>There, take that bitches.

<|-|/\|\/|/\5>|-|3|_P 7_10|\|15t /\66|735510|\|!!!!1!111

<Zionist>This is so fucking long overdue, and feels so fucking good.

<IsReal>Um, I don't know if this is such a good idea.

*Iran has entered the game*

*Syria has entered the game*

*Iran gives rockets to HezbollahYoMama*

*Syria gives money to HezbollahYoMama*

*Iran gives money to Coffee Man*

*Syria gives money to Coffee Man*

<Iran>LOL, this is the best idea ever.

<Syria>We give them the resources to fight our enemies, and then we deny doing it.

<Coffee Man>Nevermind the disband order, carry on.

*HezbollahYoMama attacks IsReal*

*+2 damage to IsReal*

<Zionist>Shit!

<IsReal>Shit!

*IsReal attacks Leb-Anon

*+12 damage to Leb-Anon*

*Leb-Anon's power plant has been destroyed!*

<Leb-Anon>I'm not in this fucking game, what the fuck???

<IsReal>It's your fucking fault for protecting HezbollahYoMama.

<Leb-Anon>Fuck you!

<IsReal>No, fuck you!

*IsReal attacks Leb-Anon*

*+9 damage to Leb-Anon*

*Leb-Anon's airbases have been destroyed!*

*Leb-Anon's bridges and road networks have been destroyed!*

*Eight visiting Canadian Tourists have been destroyed!*

<Leb-Anon>Oh, you fucking pile of infected dog shite!

<IsReal>Don't fucking mess with me anymore!

<Leb-Anon>I DIDN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING!!!! YOU BETTER REBUILD ALL THE SHIT YOU JUST BLUE UP FOR NO FOCKING REASON@@@!!!1!!!

<IsReal>Make me.

<|-|/\|\/|/\5>101

<HezbollahYoMama>Omg, moronz.

*USA USA USA has entered the game.*

<USA USA USA>Oh shit, this is going to fuck the oil up again.

*Dubya has entered the game.*

*Blair has entered the game.*

<Dubya> We need to talk to the UN to get Iran and Syria to stop pulling this shit.

<Blair> Yeah, hey is that microphone on? Let me turn it off and we can finish our conversation.

*Blair has engaged privacy mode with Dubya*

<IsReal>Fuck you.

<Zionist>Fuck you.

* Palestine has thrown a stone*

<HezbollahYoMama>Fuck you.

<Iran>Fuck you.

<Leb-Anon>Fuck you.

<|-|/\|\/|/\5>|=U><><0|7 _|00!!!!!!!!!!!1!2

<Palestinean Authority>Fuck you, old chap.

<USA USA USA>Hey, don't make me come over there . . . I'm warning you I'll give you all a time out.

<Iran>Go eat shit fuckers.

<Syria>Stay the fuck out of this!

*IsReal attacks GAZA!*

*+2 damage to GAZA*

*Gaza's Foreign Ministry Building has been destroyed!*

<Palestinean Authority>Ok, I understand you've become cross, but what was that for?

<IsReal>That building was used to plan terror attacks!

<Palestinean Authority>That wasn't the building's fault! You don't think the terrorists will just go to another building and plan attacks there?

<IsReal>Hm, hadn't thought of that. Excuse me, I have to go blow up some children and create an international incident now.

<Palestinean Authority>Ok, sorry to be holding up your schedule.

*Hezbollah activates human shield*

*Hezbollah activates remote access trojan*

*IsReal attacks UN*

*+15 damage to UN*

<UN>WTFX0R??2

<IsReal>sry my bad. Hezbollah hax0rz

<Iran>Jihad!

<Syria>Jihad!

<Iran>Jihad!

<Leb-Anon>Jihad!

<Palestinean Authority>Jihad!

<|-|/\|\/|/\5>J1h@d!

<HezbollahYoMomma>Jihad! Yes Jihad! Here we go!

*Europe is now sucking HezbollahYoMomma's, Leb-Anon's, and Palestinean Authority's asses. Being in the EU, they can multitask like that.*

*HezbollahYoMama attacks IsReal*

*+2 damage to IsReal*

<IsReal>This is boring. I'm going to speed up the passage of time.

*IsReal has set game to: Super Fast Speed!*
*Year: 50,000 CE*
*IsReal has set game to: Normal Speed!*

*HezbollahYoMama attacks IsReal*
*+2 damage to IsReal*
*|-|/\|\/|/\5 attacks IsReal*
*+1 damage to IsReal*

<IsReal>***sigh*** This game sucks.

[edit] Operation Cease Fire, or is it?

*France has entered the game*

*France offers 1200 troops for Leb-Anon*

<France>IsReal I suggest you surrender, we are experts at that. Listen to UN.

*France gives UN money*

<UN>Cease fire, cease fire! Too many people are dying here.
<isReal>I'm cool with that, have to rebuild my military anyway. I'm running out of bombs and pilots. I need to draft more of my people and raise more money. We surrender.
<HezbollahYoMama>I'm cool, I need to ask Syria and Iran for more money and rockets anyway. I have to recruit more Iranian Republican Guards as well. We accept the surrender.
<UN>Ok, both of you sign here. Per the rules of Civilization IV the peace treaty will last for ten turns, or until one of you cancels it.
<USA USA USA> Ah shucks, I wanted to kick some ass too. Guess I'll just sit this one out. *Pouts*, oh well I still have Iraq and Afghanistan to worry about.

*UN sets year back to 2006 CE, sets speed back to Normal*
*Two turns pass*

<IsReal>Are the turns over yet? I just raised a lot of money and drafted a lot of my youth from the high schools. I bought more bombers, bombs, guns, etc.
<HezbollahYoMama>Wait I haven't gotten my shipment of rockets from Iran and Syria yet.
<UN>No, don't you dare. isReal, move your troops away from the border.
<USA USA USA>I am too busy with warentless wiretaps being found unconstitutional to do anything. You are all on your own.
<HezbollahYoMama>Shit! I don't have enough troops recruited yet. No fair! UN, USA USA USA, someone, help! France, you promised! Europe, keep sucking my ass! Ah yeah, thank you.
<France>Would you believe 500 troops? No? How about 200? No? How about 32 Mimes? No? Let us think about it for a while.
<HezbollahYoMama>France, help! Do something!
<France>Sacre bleu, we surrender!

*Isreal crosses the border of Leb-Anon.*
*Isreal attacks HezbollahYoMama*
*+5 Damage to HezbollahYoMomma*

<HezbollahYoMama>I thought we had a cease fire? WTF!?
<UN>Cease fire, cease fire!
<isReal>I am not violating the cease fire.
<HezbollahYoMama>Yes you are, withdraw your troops.
<IsReal>Prove it!
<HezbollahYoMama>There they are, right there. See.

*Isreal attacks Hezbollah*
*+4 Damage to HezbollahYoMomma*

<IsReal>What? I didn't do anything.
<Zionist>No it was me, I am controlling your troops via a remote access hax. I am stopping the weapons and rockets from Iran and Syria from coming over.

<HezbollahYoMama>Watch this...

*Palestinean Authority kidnaps two journalists from Fox News*
<Palestinean Authority>Jihad!
<HezbollahYoMama>Jihad!

*Fox News has entered the game.*
*Bill O'Reilly has entered the game.*

<Fox News>Hey let our reporters go!
<Palestinean Authority>STFU! You are not even a nation, you are a right-wing fascist news organization.
<Bill O'Reilly>Let our reporters go you Poppinjays!
<Palestinean Authority>WTF is a Poppinjay?
<HezbollahYoMama>I don't know, France are you going to help or not?
<France>Sorry we are too busy making white flags to notice this.
<Bill O'Reilly>Don't make me go over there and kick your ass!
<Palestinean Authority>ROTFLMAO! Yeah Bill O'Reilly, I dare you to come over here!
<HezBollahYoMama>Yeah we will go Jihad on your buttocks!
<Bill O'Reilly>Please don't opine and bloviate, that is my job.
<HezBollahYoMama>Bill are you making up these words?
<Palestinean Authority>Are we being attacked with a thesaurus now?
<Iran>Nevermind Bill, he is a tool of Fox News and the NeoCons, continue on the Jihad, my brothers.
<Syria>Bill O"Reilly is an infidel, and what Bill says is not halal!
<IsReal>WTF? Is there a cease fire or yet another hostage negotiation? I got a time schedule to keep.
<UN>Huh, I dunno, I think there was a cease fire or something. Coffee Man, what do you say?
<Coffee Man>Sorry I was too busy counting my money, what was that?
*Syria gives money to Coffee Man*
*Iran gives money to Coffee Man*
<Coffee Man>What? Oh yes, my Swiss Bank Account, er ah I mean, Isreal needs to withdrawal troops from Leb-Anon and stop the strikes.
<Zionist>But WTF about the rockets and arms from Iran and Syria? Why are you taking money from them?
*HezbollahYoMama gives money to Coffee Man*
<Coffee Man>Sorry I do not see that, all I see are your troops in Leb-Anon and you must withdrawal them.
<Fox News>But what about our reporters?
<Coffee Man>*Cough cough* here is my Swiss Bank account number.
*Fox News gives money to Coffee Man*
<Bill O'Reilly>Why are we paying him?
<Fox News>STFU, we don't pay you to think.
<Coffee Man>Yes, Palestinean Authority must release the reporters.
*Palestinean Authority releases the reporters*
<Isreal>Is it my turn yet?

*USA USA USA funds Israel (again), unloading unlimited funds to Israel's silos*

<Iran>Hey I saw that!
<USA USA USA>Saw what?
<Syria>I know your game USA, you asked us to keep our nose out of this even though we are Lebanon's neighbours, whereas you sit comfortably the other side of the world.
<USA USA USA> Well urrmmmm......
*USA USA USA has set its status to BRB*

*Iran gives money and rockets to HezbollahYoMama*

*Syria gives money and weapons to HezbollahYoMama*

<Isreal>Wait wait, is it my turn yet?
<HezbollahYoMama>STFU, you already had your turn when the USA gave you some shit.
<Isreal>LOL, yeah but both Iran and Syria gave you some shit so you took two turns, to my one turn, so I go first.
<HezbollahYoMama>Fuck off, we go first!
<Isreal>No, you fuck off, we go first!
<Coffee Man>It has been a while since someone sent me any money, *cough cough*, did you forget my Swiss Bank account number?

*Arik has re-entered the game*

<Arik>Am I dead yet? If I am, why am I still in this game and talking? Muuuuuuuuuaaahhhh! My brain hurts! Arrrrrrgggghhhhh.

<Bill O'Reilly>No Iran, you are wrong. Those troops were fighting terrorists who took to the streets to kill innocent Israelis.

<Iran>But they killed innocent women and children, not terrorists.

<Bill O'Reilly>The terrorists used them as human sheilds.

<Iran>Curse you Bill O'Reilly and your twisted logic! That is just not true.

<Bill O'Reilly>Anyway it was 1982, how long ago? Didn't Allah teach you how to forgive?

<Iran>Jihad! We will launch more missiles and keep developing nuclear warheads to destroy the USA USA USA and Isreal.

<Bill O'Reilly>Bring it on, our God is better than your Allah, and we have more nukes than you do with real ICBMs and not 1950's SCUDS.

<Iran>Infidel! We will spare you only if you convert to Islam!

<Bill O'Reilly>I don't want Islam, I want peace instead! Try and make me shut up! I dare you!

<Fox News>Bill, STFU, we don't want to piss them off any more than they already are! We are not paying you to think, remember?

<Iran>Too late, we will wipe both Isreal and USA USA USA off of the map!

<Isreal>Hello I heard that. Guess who also has ICBMs and nuclear warheads?

<UN>All of you STFU or I'll have Coffee Man put sanctions on all of you.

<Coffee Man>Yeah unless someone pays me not to.

<Bill O'Reilly>ROTFLOLPIMP!

<Fox News>Newsflash, Bill O'Reilly almost starts a nuclear world war. Bill, will you please STFU!

<UN>What about Arik? Is he able to continue the game yet? Speak!

<Arik>Mehhhh uurrh mehahhhhehuhhhhhhh
<HezbollahYoMama>Crikey, he really is in bad shape
<Arik>Eaahhhhh fuurrrrrr sabbbbbbbbb
<Syria>I think his keyboard is in a permanent vegatative state, speak slower Arik, what is it you're trying to say
<Arik>Arghhhhhhh...........

*Arik has set his status to Out to Lunch*
*Isreal litters southern Lebanon with yet more land mines*

<Syria>I say there, that's a bit dangerous isn't it, what about all the civillians in the southern towns and villages?
<Israel>You should have thought about that before HezbollahYoMama kidnapped our two guys
<Iran>Yeah but you had land mines in southern Lebanon for years
<Israel>Well, at least i'm not a bloody rag head
<Syria>Fair point I guess

*Israel bombards Lebanon inflicting +12 damage.........headshot*

<Iran>Meh, I'm not settling for that, Isreal is hacking, he's got an aimbot or something; there's no way he could have landed a head shot like that
<Isreal>It's called uber micro mate, better known as skillz

*CNN has entered the game*
<CNN>This is CNN!
*CNN forces conservative pro-jewish propaganda down the throats of America and the rest of the world*
*CNN has left the game*

<Syria>What the hell was that?
<Iran>God (Allah) knows
<Syria>Man, we're still outnumbered, I think we should invite Indonesia in to this conflict you know
<Iran>Nah he's offline at the moment, the only other guy online is Turkmenistan and we'd probably be better off without him to be honest.
<Syria>Yeah, lol.
<Iran>Does Bill actually realise that God and Allah are the same god?
<Syria>Probably not, but then he thinks the civilian massacres were human shields, even though they were residing in otherwise empty refugee camps.
<Iran>Man, Bill is such a n00bzord.
<HezbollahYoMama>Yeah he is, No Spin Zone my ass!
<Palestinean Authority>CNN is no better, they even use that Darth Vader voice guy to do annoucements for them. What's up with that?
<Europe>Did you forget about us? We are still sucking your asses, but we have thousands of troops ready to go if you give us the word.
<Iran>Sorry we got carried away with the Cable News Network propaganda shit.
<UN>Hey, WTF about that cease fire? There are all sorts of violations here. Should we cancel it or what?

*Syria puts on some My Chemical Romance cds*

<Syria>Does that help?

<Leb-Anon>Nope, I still have Isreal troops across my borders and now I have to deal with more landmines. Some help you guys have been. You could have prevented it, but you were too busy talking smack with that Bill O'Reilly troll. Do I have to do everything myself?
<Iran>Sorry, but Bill O'Reilly is one sneaky bastard!
<Syria>Yeah I so want to smack him up the head and wipe that stupid grin off of his face.
<HezbollahYoMama>WTF is going on? Are we letting USA USA USA Cable News Channels manipulate us now? Are we muslims or are we mice?
<Bill O'Reilly>YHBT YHL HAND!

[edit] Operation Heavenly Prophets

*Meanwhile in the Heaven/Paradise Chatroom*
*God(Allah) has entered the game*
<God(Allah)>No this will not work. I sent Prophets to Earth to prevent this sort of thing from happening.
*Moses has entered the game*
<God(Allah)>Moses, did you give them the stone tablets I told you too?
<Moses>Yes Lord, I seem to recall them saying something like "Thou Shalt Not Kill", and I thought I told my people to offer peace before engaging an enemy and to strive for peace.
<God(Allah)>Unbelieveable! Let me consult my other Prophets.
*Jesus has entered the game*
<God(Allah)>Jesus did you teach people to live in peace and give up sin?
<Jesus>>Yes father, and I even died to forgive their sins, remember? I seem to recall telling people to live in peace. To do unto others as they would have them do unto themselves.
<God(Allah))>Unbelieveable! Where is that last Prophet?
*Mohammed has entered the game.*
<God(Allah)>Mohammed, didn't I tell you to teach a peaceful islam and be tolerant of others?
<Mohammed>Yes Allah, I seem to recall saying before I died that the best islam is one that feeds the hungry and brings peace to those they know and those that they don't know.
<God(Allah)>Unbelieveable! Explain to me how my messages got so twisted and turned into hateful idealologies from all of my children?
<Moses>Well it all seems to be a big fight over who loves you best or something, and something to do with who has rights to Isreal.
<Mohammed>No Moses, you mean Palestein.
<Jesus>I thought it was Jerusalem?
<God(Allah)>Well whatever they call it, I am not happy. Let me do a malware check.
God(Allah) is scanning Earth with Arch-Angel(TM) Anti-Virus.
Warning, Neocon virus detected
Warning, Conservative virus detected
Warning, Terrorism virus detected
Warning, Fascism virus detected
Warning, Zionist Zealot virus detected
Warning, Assasin virus detected
Warning, Communism virus detected
Warning, CNN virus detected
Warning, Fox News virus detected
Warning, Bill O'Reilly virus detected
Warning, Liberal virus detected
Warning, Jihadist virus detected
Warning, War virus detected
Warning, Famine virus detected
Warning, Plague virus detected
Warning, Death virus detected
Warning, Satan virus detected
Warning, Greed virus detected
Warning, Lust virus detected
Warning, Porn virus detected
Warning, Pride virus detected
Warning, Envy virus detected
Warning, Sloth virus detected
Warning, Wrath virus detected
Warning, Guttony virus detected
Warning, AIDS virus detected
Warning, Wikipedia virus detected
Warning, Microsoft Windows virus detected
Warning, Internet virus detected
Warning, Global Warming virus detected
Warning, Peak Oil virus detected
Warning, Atheism virus detected
Warning, Moloch virus detected
Warning, Tom Cruise virus detected
Warning, Scientology virus detected
Warning, Oprah virus detected
Warning, MTV virus detected
Warning, UN virus detected
Warning, Sith virus detected
Warning, Homosexual virus detected
Warning, Racism virus detected
Warning, Bigotry virus detected
Warning, Genocide virus detected
Warning, Suicide virus detected
Warning, Homocide virus detected
Warning, New Age Psychology virus detected
Warning, Big Brother virus detected
Warning, Kitten Huffing virus detected
Warning, Stupid virus detected
Warning, Hard Drive has not been defragmented since 666CE
Warning, Virus definitions are out of date, please run update
Warning, Warranty on Universe has expired 2000 years ago
Warning, Root's email box is full, prayers are bouncing
<God(Allah)>What the? The server is infested with malware! I think it is time for a reformat, reinstall, and reboot on the Universe.

<Mohammed>If only there was another prophet, a messiah of the new age who could come to earth and convince the people of the world to be good to one another.

*Lostprophets has entered the game*

<Jesus>Blimey, The Lostprophets?.
<Lostprophets>Hiya, I heard you were looking for a new prophet and thought we'd lend a hand, we thought our unoriginal take on rock/alternative (Sung with a whiny American accent, despite my Welsh roots) could perhaps save the world.
<Moses>Well i'm convinced I suppose, worth a shot, what's the worst that could happen?
<God(Allah)>Make it so!
<Lostprophets>Aye aye, Boss!
*Lostprophets is transferring to Earth.*
<Jesus>Am I the only one that has a bad feeling about this? Those Lostprophets looked like some other people I think I know, but I cannot quite place them. Literature type people, Welsh, witty, rock/alternative, something about them seems funny. Why am I thinking of Wiki sites and quotes?

[edit] Operation Lost Prophets

*Meanwhile back on Earth*

*Lostprophet has entered the game*

<Leb-Anon>What, that is not Mohammed!
<Syria>Who is these lost prophets?
<HezbollahYoMama>What do they want?
<Isreal>That is not Moses!
<Bill O'Reilly>It is not Jesus either.
<Lostprophets>War is insane, make peace.
*Lostprophets creates the Unbible*
<Lostprophets>Here are some holy words of wisdom!
<Iran>That is not the Koran!
<Bill O'Reilly>That is not the Bible, bud!
<Isreal>That is not the Torah, putz!
<Lostprophets>I was sent to help and bring peace to the world and end this unjust war.
<UN>We do not recognize you, what nation do you come from?
<Lostprophets>Heaven/Paradise.
<UN>Apparently not on Earth.
<Lostprophets>You must all end your evil ways.
<Coffee Man>I'll help you get a seat on the UN if you transfer some money to my Swiss Bank account.
<Lostprophets>Materialism is bad, you must reject it!
<Coffee Man>Say what?
<Lostprophets>I know, pass a Gay Marriage law.
<Iran>What did he say?
<Syria>I cannot believe it!
<Leb-Anon>Excuse me?
<HezbollahYoMama>LOL, what?
<Bill O'Reilly>Who do you think you are?
<Lostprophets>I am the lost prophet, I am the new messiah, I have come to show you a new way. Yes, pass Gay Marriage laws so that you do not opress people anymore for sexual oritentation.
<Iran>No way!
<Isreal>Huh? Is that Kosher?
<Lostprophets>It is a start, you have to start somewhere. Don't discriminate against religion, race, color, natural origin, age, gender, etc either.
<Iran>Hey now.
<Syria>Huh?
<HezbollahYoMama>What you say?
<Isreal>Oy vey!
<Coffee Man>ORLY?
<Bill O'Reilly>Wath?
<HezbollahYoMama>Screw this!
*HezbollahYoMama attacks Isreal troops*
*Isreal Troops take +6 damage*
<Lostprophets>Now cut that out, that is what I don't want you to do.
<HezbollahYoMama>STFU, you whiney welsh messiah wannbe!
<Isreal>Hey I thought there was a cease fire?
<Coffee Man>Nobody paid me money to enforce it. Let's get it on!
<HezbollahYoMama>You had troops across our Leb-Anon border Isreal, I had to defend my nation.


[edit] Operation Disarm HezbollahYoMama

<Lostprophets>Stop, stop this senseless fighting and disarm!
<Isreal>Good ideal!
*Isreal gives money to Coffee Man*
<Coffee Man>Cease fire is back on, HezbollahYoMama must disarm!
<Syria>Oh yeah?
*Syria gives money to Coffee Man*
<Coffee Man>Syria is picked to disarm HezbollahYoMama.
<Bill O'Reilly>WTF? Syria helped arm HezbollahYoMama in the first place!
<Iran>Yes! Yes! I love it! Great plan, well played!
<Leb-Anon>Will someone please do something about these mines?
<Bill O'Reilly>Leb-Anon nobody cares.
<Isreal>How do we know they will disarm HezbollahYoMama for real!
<Syria>That is for me to know, and for you to figure out!
<Iran>Muahahahaahahah!
<Leb-Anon>Whatever!
<Coffee Man>I don't care how it is done, as long as I keep getting my bribes commisions.
<Jimbo> *has entered the game*
<Isreal> Christ, not him again...
<Jimbo> Just give 'em land and they'll leave.
<HezbollahYoMama>It might take a while, we have a lot of arms.
<Lostprophets>Isreal must live up to the cease fire as well. Remove your troops and planes.
*HezbollahYoMama gives money to Coffee Man*
<Coffee Man>Isreal must remove embargoes and blockcades from Leb-Anon.
<Isreal>Uh, er, yeah OK, whatever. We will remove them.
*Isreal removes troops and planes from Leb-Anon*
*Isreal conducts a mocking air raid on HezbollahYoMama*
<Lostprophets>That is more like it, much better, much better indeed!
<gUY_cHeVeR>Humm,hello, i am still captured since 1997, is someone could do something about it? also, did we won the soccer world cup and, if someone could bring me a tivo out there it would be nice.
*Lostprophets gives gUY_cHeVeR a tivo with a season pass to watch the re-runs of the World Cup games.*
<gUY_cHeVeR>Er ah, thanks. Now how about freeing me mate?
*Lostprophets orders tickets from Orbitz, sends them to the nearby Airport for gUY_cHeVeR and teleports him to the airport via a Star Trek transmat device.*
<gUY_cHeVeR>Thanks mate, you even transported the tivo with me, first class tickets to Holland where I can start a new life.
<Lostprophets>I am the Lost Prophet, I have the uber micro skills and technology from God(Allah) himself.
<Jimbo>Hey now, cut that out! You are making my malaise act up.
<Jimbo>Hey now, cut that out! You are making my malaise act up.
<Bill O'Reilly>STFU, you Moloch worshipping, pot smoking, Democrat, ex-president.
<Jimbo>Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.
<Bill O'Reilly>You are a poor excuse for a peanut farmer, Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care!
<Jimbo>Sir, them there's fighting words!
<HezbollahYoMama>Uh I hate to interrupt, but we are getting the shit bombed out of us, anyone care to help?
* Palestine has thrown a stone*
*iRaN!! make a sadistic smile to Isreal*
*Hamas gets some weapons from iRaN!!*
*Hamas launches rockets at IsReal for +35 damage*
*IsReal launch an airstrike at Hamas for +56 damage*
<Jimbo>I blame Bush for this outrage!
<Dubya>Don't blame me, you messed up on foreign policy in the middle-east long before I was elected. All I am doing is cleaning up your shitstains you left in the middle-east, bitch!

[edit] To Be Continued

*Game Ended on account of there is no clear winner!*
*The United Nations starts up a new game called Arab-Israeli Conflict (video game) Part 2*

[edit] Notes to Self (or anyone who wants to help)

  • Add to the action/dialogue of characters already present
  • Add Shaul Mofaz to the game

[edit] Scorecard

[edit] Arabs:

[edit] Israelis:

  • Arik aka Ariel Sharon
  • Shimon aka Shimon Peres
  • IDF aka Israel Defense Forces
  • isReal aka Israel
  • Zionist

[edit] Arab allies:

[edit] Israeli allies:

[edit] Diplomats (Didn't choose a side yet):

  • UN aka United Nations
  • Coffee Man aka Kofi Annan
  • France (Might side with Arabs if they stop surrendering)
  • Egypt Made peace with Isreal, is sitting this one out.
  • Jordan Agreed to peace with Isreal, is smarter than the other arab nations.
  • Jimbo aka Jimmy Carter

[edit] Diety:

  • God aka Allah aka Father Son & Holy Spirt, etc.

[edit] Prophets:

[edit] See also

Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Arab-Israeli_Conflict_%28video_game%29"
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