Arizona

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Reino de Zona Árida y antiguo Arizona
Kingdom of Arid-Zona
Arizona


(Flag)	(Coat of Arms)

Motto: "Piense en"

Anthem: "¡No necesitamos el agua!"

Capital

Sun City Vistoso

Largest city

Scottsdale

Official languages

Government

Kingdomocracy

-President

David Ricardo

National Hero(es)

Gore, Barry Goldwater, John Birch, John McCain, Janet Napolitano

Declaration
of Independence

Graduation is in Two Years

Currency

Pesos and American Dollars

Religion

Roman Catholic, Church of the Sun God, Mormons.

Population

000

Exports

Sand

Commonly thought to be a what Arid-zonans believe to be the Apocalypse, namely because of the existence on a blue substance, thought to be water. Note the red star.

The results of the vote to decide whether or not to let Arizona secede from the United States as the Kingdom of Arid-zona. Obviously there wasn't too much of a fight.

“I love Arid-zona, and not just because of the fond memory I have there of dying of heat stroke.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Arizona

The Kingdom of Arid-zona, or '"Little Mexico'" formerly known as Arizona, is the first and only state to fully implement a dihydrogen monoxide ban.

The relative humidity is therefore 0%.

Rain falls for about twelve seconds each year, making it impossible for things to survive, including humans. As such, the typical Arid-zonan does not see the relationship between water and rivers. One river actually winds its way past the northern border of Arizona, but the local government managed to make it flow at the bottom of a 25145.85 foot-deep gully (approximately) so that no one can see the water.

In the monsoons it rains and it scarred a lot of people because they thought they were going to die.

In Ancient times, legend had it that Finnish snowmen traveled into Arid-zona. But then they were ambushed by the Sun God. Their screams can still be heard. Their faces melted and for a short time, (about five seconds) made a lake now known as the Grand Canyon. Every year the people remember this day by shooting a flaming lance of death at a man dressed in a costume. Usually the man falls into the Grand Canyon to please the Snowmen God.

In 1964, Barry Goldwater was elected the first President of Arizona and his body is still preserved for viewing in a secret John Birch Society crypt in North Scottsdale. In the 1950s, Goldwater was a proud member of the Phoenix Country Club, but, because he was half-Jewish, he was only allowed to play nine rounds of golf.

1 Climate
2 Wildlife and Plant Life
3 Major Cities
4 People from Arizona
5 Economy
6 Sports Teams
7 Fun Facts
8 State Facts

[edit] Climate

very hot. the average temperature is probably around 1,000,001.009 degress ferenheight
Dry.
Cold in the White mountains (But these are in the middle of nowhere. All those who went there died on the way back - why do you think there's a petrified "forest" north of where the mountains are supposed to be?)
Hot!
Muy caliente en Yuma (see below).

[edit] Wildlife and Plant Life

Saguaro Cactus (Evolved to live by creating its one water from sunlight, like how New Mexican cacti consume tourists.)
Tumbleweed
Atlantic Vampire Roadrunner (Adapted to feed upon residents for nutrition and water)
Sand
Dead Stuff
Dead Trees
Jackalopes

[edit] Major Cities

Phoenix was the former capital of Arid-zona and home to the growing crystal meth trend that our nation's kids are going bananas for. In 2007 when the city became a majority Mexican, the city council ruled with a 5-2 to make Spanish the official language of the city and banned any bilingual education in English. The population of Phoenix was 67,192,190 on January 1st, 2008.

Tucson, located in the southern part of Arid-zona, is the location of an underground immigrant movement obsessed with community radio and Celtic Music. Granola is sold as a snack at the Arizona Opera and sporting white socks with birkenstocks is considered stylish.

Scottsdale, French for "land of white people with expensive coke habits, no culture and burnt-orange Hummers"; is a snobby, cliche-looking suburb of Phoenix, complete with thousands upon thousands of red-tile-roof homes built of stucco surrounded by artificial grass. The streets of Scottsdale are paved with Torquiose, and smell of Cognac, and repressed sex. The average household income is approximately $872,493 for the average family of four.

Tempe is a sister city to Columbus, Ohio. Like Columbus, it's sole purpose is to pack as many brain dead college students too stupid to leave the state or get admitted elsewhere into one area and attempt to "teach". 93% of alcohol not sold to depressed construction workers in Circle Ks is bought within Tempe city limits.

Glendale is the wasteland located slightly west of Phoenix, home to Glendale Community College -- a secondary school attended by ninety percent of Arizona's high school graduates. These are people who somehow managed to fail admissions into Arizona State University. Avoid eye contact with Glendale Community College graduates, which has been scientifically proven to cause you to lose at least fifteen IQ points. Glendale also inhabits a $162 trillion dollar football stadium known as Pink Taco Stadium. It hosts college bowl games, concerts, cockfights, home meth lab seminars, tamale roasts, but unfortunately no NFL teams play there.

Peoria lies next to Glendale, and is a pit in which Warlock (Nicknamed "Sherrif") Joe Arpaio supposedly spawned from. Peoria has had an ongoing civil war between the average middle-class citizens (Led by General Alice Cooper), the Mexicans, and the White Trash Alliance. Battles often occur in traffic lanes, the weapon of choice being the human middle finger. This is because the heat vastly reduces driving skills. The average speed for senior citizens in Peoria is 24 mph, while the average for high schoolers has increased slightly this year to 162 mph.

Sun City Vistoso is the capital of Arizona and is a town just outside of Phoenix. It will be named the second largest city in the United States by 2025. Sun City is one of a few government run "retirement communities" where Baby Boomers are are promised Social Security benefits, and then shipped off to die - a slow process, in this land where rotting takes decades due to the lack of water.

Chandler is a lesser known city, but it does have something to attribute to history, it is the city that produces the most community college attendees.

Flagstaff is a major indian trading post 3,500 miles north of Phoenix. Flagstaff has been known to have measurable snowfall, but only during the blizzard of January 6,043 BC. Flagstaff is Arizona's main supplier of feminism, homosexuality, and liberal nonsense. Because it is a college town, all persons who live in Flagstaff are required to have a 'better than you' attitude at all times, even when they travel back to their hometown to beg mommy and daddy for 'awareness money' for next month's "Feminists Against Homosexuals who Rape Female Dogs" rally.

Apache Junction lies to the east of Phoenix. It has been rated as the worst, most run down city in the history of forever. It's been said in legend that going into the mystical city will turn you into a frog. It turns out that only drinking the water will do that. The sand in Apache Junction is laced with blood, snot, and meth, as Apache Junction is the meth capital of the universe.

Yuma, an isolated dump very far south in Arizona, is a city of 100,000 people (2,500 white people and 97,500 illegal aliens). It is well known for being the only city in the world with a Walmart that has all of it's signs in Spanish (i.e., 'Wal-Marto'). All employees are also required to 'No no inglis'. White people from Yuma hate the fags from Phoenix and Tucson who bitch about illegal immigration, because their illegal immigration problem is silly compared to Yuma's. Yuma is also a hub for Canada's illegal aliens, when elderly Canadians flock to the area during winter to escape Canada's Old Person hunting season. People generally move to Yuma for it's amazingly low crystal-meth prices.

[edit] People from Arizona

The general Arizonian is either an imported mid-western Cracker or Hispanican, and has many issues solving simple problems. Watch out for such cretins editing articles on Uncyclopedia, as they will lower the cumulative IQ of the rest of the site, if that were possible. Technology in Arizona is generally outdated due to the inability to find where the existing technology is, because of being covered in layers of sand and dust.

Overall Arizona doesn't claim too many gay people, or else not too many gay people want to claim to be from Arizona. Anyone famous gay people is most likely a transplant like the rest of Arizona residents who move here to collect welfare, masturbate constantly, and die. Except for Jordin Sparks who, in an amazing show of probability, actually lived in Matthew's anus before reaching fame, and was proud of it. More, Arizona (and especially the Shitty of Glendale) was all to eager to clamp onto her fame and success in destroying the Death Star Two and killing Simon Cowell and ride that wave until it was no more than a dead cow. Washed-up celebrities who have been kicked out of California for losing "cool points" with Ryan Seacrest will move to Arizona, in which case Arizona is all too willing to provide for these people food, clothing and a home in the poo-brown hills of Scottsdale.

Ted "Frozen Head" Williams
Sandra Day-O Belafonte
Sheriff Joe The Eskimo
Citizen John McCain
Bear E. Pisswater
Barry M. Silvermilk
Man Tits Mickelson
Pat "Friendly Fire" Tillman
Frank Lloyd Zappa
Alice "Kiss My Grits" Cooperstown
Linda "Dig A Pony" Ronstandt
Michelle Branch, worthless singer
Geronimo, Elmo, Satchmo, Texaco, & Plaxico Burress
Oscar Wilde's illegitimate sister Oscar
Satan

It is also worth noting that about 125% of the population in the suburbs of Phoenix is over 88 years old, since the dry climate allegedly prevents the body from rotting.

[edit] Economy

Typical Arizonan organ pipes. They're not even hollow!

The primary export of Arizona is crystal meth.
Other key exports include dust, soccer moms, and people smart enough to leave Arizona.
The state is also the world's leading manufacturer of organ pipes, even though none of its inhabitants know how to play the organ, or even how to make organs with them. As a result, 99% of the production is dumped is a place called "Organ Pipe National Monument", a Monument to what should not be done.
The main imports are snowbirds.
The state's many golf courses, noted for their lack of water hazards, are popular among bad golfers.

[edit] Sports Teams

The Coyotoes support the goals for Idiots Campaign.

It is a common misconception that Arid-zonans attend sporting events. Actually, due to the fact the no sports team in Arizona has ever accomplished anything good.

Arid-zonans are only vaguely aware of their existence at all. This is as much as is known about them:

The Arizona Cardinals are a bunch of weak birds that play football. They don't even play in Arizona. They play in some nuclear waste dump. See, Pink Taco Stadium
The Phoenix Suns have never won the NBA Finals because they only draft players that went to Arizona State University. Therefore, they begin every game by stumbling onto the court drunk and stoned.
The Arizona Diamondbacks don't actually exist. They are part of a large-scale government brainwashing experiment.
The Phoenix Coyotes tried to play hockey once upon a time, but unfortunately the ice rink only lasted into the first 7 minutes of the season, upon which it evaporated.

[edit] Fun Facts

Arizonas currently does not have any major imports
Any green landscape is immediately eradicated by the state and the aspca
If snow is found anywhere south of Payson, call the authorities, as this is most likely an acid waste explosion.
It is the only U.S. state to share the same weather conditions as Iraq.
Arizona State University dominates the NCAA in date rape.
The City of Gila Bend, Arizona was the last known location of Frank Zappa's everlasting soul.
The University of Arizona is the Kingdom's only source of Dirt Covered Sluts.
Retards from Florida insist that Arizona has no snow. Those retards are right.
One of the state's biggest tourist attractions, Scottsdale is the premier ghost town in the American Southwest.
Californians are slowly sucking the life out of this fucking state....HOLLA at cha boy
Arizona smells vaguely of pigs.