Armageddon

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“Some say we'll see Armageddon soon. I certainly hope we will”

~ Maynard James Keenan

“Not in the near future, but I'll make an exception for you and your crappy band”

~ God

“Oh, SHIT!”

~ you on Armageddon

From a promotional brochure, "Armageddon: What Can It Do For You?", released by Insecta Monthly

Armageddon is the prophecied relief we will all feel when we finally don't have to try anymore. The name derives from the ancient plain of Mevagissey. Is it the greatest joke in the known universe, or merely an apocalyptic crisis? It is, you will find, often too difficult to tell although when a wwe fan hear's the word armageddon they get exited beacese of the wwe ppv held in december

This was a notable problem in the era of the Spanish Inquisition, and therefore, they employed the noted physicist, torturer, and violinist (some would dispute the difference between the last two) Bernoulli to devise a sure and certain mathematical formulae. This formulae would, in all circumstances, permit an accurate assessment of the risk of likely immanentizing the Eschaton.

This function is known as the Armageddon Function, and cannot responsibly be reproduced in full, as it is known to cause spontaneous human combustion amongst those insufficiently prepared for its majesty.

We can, however, reproduce half of it here.

... and, well, that's all you're going to get.(cause your high!)

This is a very early example of integral calculus.

1 How the world will end
2 How you can help it end
3 Armageddon: The movie
4 Cast of the movie
5 Armageddon, Texas
6 See Also

[edit] How the world will end

A lot of different theories have been suggested throughout the centuries for how the world will meet its doom. The most popular are global warming/ice age, nuclear winter, a pokemon revolution, starling uprising and bloody big comet. The likelihood of each of these can be tested by feeding them into the Armageddon Selector Integrated Function. This shows that the most likely end is similar to the nuking in lemmings, that is, every living thing on the planet will have a number flash above their head to count down the last 15 seconds of their life. This will make the game hide'n'seek a bit rubbish

[edit] How you can help it end

For those impatient, you can bring on the armageddon early. For starters, you must be ready to survive it. Watch Mad Max and buy several metric tons of canned spam and put it in your rusty beater of a car. Also abandon any family and relations, or Releeshans. Now bring about the apocalypse by:

You, after following these five easy steps!

Littering
Advertising McDonalds
Supporting landing rights for meteors
Going on a killing spree
Joining an apocalyptic cult (If they plan to commit suicide if the armageddon doesn't come, you had better just save them the inconvenience and kill them yourself)

With these easy steps, you're well on your way to going completely insane and thinking there's been an apocalypse. Congrats!

[edit] Armageddon: The movie

the movie is about some fucken astroid the size of texas about to hit ironically, texas itself, and thus destroy the world since the world can't live without texas. The movie is still rumored to this day to have been digested as a crappy romance movie by the director and after a few days shit out in its current format and sent to theaters, whom refused to show it first, until love-obsessed teenage girls and nerd boys(who love Liv Tyler) petitioned and killed the owner of the worlds theaters, Ted Turner.

[edit] Cast of the movie

Chuck Norris as Galactus
Tom Cruise as Dan Aykroyd
Dan Aykroyd as Tom Cruise
Tom Hanks as the Asteroid
Joan Rivers as France
Tim Allen as the guy that they use for all of the death scenes
Eddie Murphy as The Red Ranger
Oscar Wilde as Johnny Bravo
John Cena as Frank the Wonder Horse
Rosie O' Donnell as Resident Whore of the Spaceship
Barbara Walters as The Spaceship
George Bush as the commander
The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse in a cameo appearance

[edit] Armageddon, Texas

Armageddon is also a place, located somewhere in Texas, where the end of the world's supply of air is supposed to take place. Due to CFCs and the Ozone layer and all that mess, oxygen escapes the atmosphere at astronomical levels. Scientists believe that sometime near the year 2015, the air will finally run out, causing the ozone layer to collapse in upon itself, crushing billions of people. The only known survivors will be the Mole People.