Army of Darkness

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The presence of humour in this article is disputed. Humour's the thing that makes you bust your gut, or at least cracks a smile on your ugly mug. Is it here? Or are the authors just off their nut? Leave your one-liners and wisecrack opinions on the talk page.

“Listen, up you neathdrathal screwhead! You see this here? This is my THISARTICLESUCKSSTICK!”

~ Ash Williiams on the writer of this crap article

“I find your lack of Humor disturbing...”

~ Darth Vader on This article

“Well hello Mr. Fancy Pants. I got news for you pal, you aren't leading but two things now, Jack and shit, and Jack left town. ”

~ Ash Williiams on the writer of this crap article

The Army of Darkness is totally and utterly crap! Not just "Jacobites at Culloden" crap - I mean really crap! Having never won a battle, never killed a single enemy and never actually been seen, there isn't much hope for these poor sods.

[edit] lights out

As they can only thrive in complete darkness, the Army has the obvious handicap of not being able to coordinate itself. The simplest maneuver results in mass friendly-fire killings and, on occasion, a bayonet up the bum. Their most disastrous campaign occurred in Iceland when, in 1989, someone forgot to mention that the sun doesn't set for a ridiculously long period of time. But, let's not blame them - at least they tried to exterminate the crappiest nation of all time.

[edit] Soldiers

The Army of Darkness mostly consist of Black Panther drop-outs, black panthers and highlanders. Ergo, there is no shortage of emotive slogans, accidental maulings, deliberate maulings, maulings just for the hell of it and cringingly high man-skirts. Soldiers are chosen by a panel of 3 judges (Simon Cowell, Simon Cowell and Simon Cowell) who search for 'real soldier quality'. It follows that anyone who can articulate a single sentence or function in society is immediately rejected.

[edit] Supply

They try, but the supply folks can never see/find them.

[edit] Notable Battles

• Battle of Little Bigcock
• Battle of Donnie Darko
• Battle of keeping the toilet seat up
• Battle of trying not to come about 10 minutes before she does

[edit] In fiction

Steven Spielberg acquired the rights to make a movie about The Army of Darkness from Colonel Sanders in 1984 when the two was playing heads-up in a high stakes poker game at Charlie Murphy's house. The movie is however only available on betalax, an unknown format invented by Steven Spielberg while high on cocaine at Charlie Murphy's house, so no one has ever seen it, except perhaps Sauron the Cheesey.