Artist
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“Look at me! I'm an artist! I don't have a real job and I only listen to bands you've never heard of!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Artists
“Artists make me want to f***** my ***T and believe me when i say they'd s*** on a **** and sell it to you the f***** monkey cunts.”
~ Nixon on Artists
Artists (formerly known as freaks) have always lived on the outskirts of society begging for acceptance amongst the norms. Suicide rates are (understandably) high amongst these types and the moon is often their only companion.
Art has been known to drive people crazy, such as Vincent Van Gogh, who cut off his ear simply because he believed it had been stealing his work.
Artists of course, do not just paint. Many attempt to arrange noise in a fashion that inspires pleasure within the listener. This almost never works. All we need is Britney and they simply refuse to accept that ultimate truth.
In the year 1995, artists were added to the endangered species list and are now protected by the WWF.
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[edit] Selected Quotes
Some famous artists are as follows.....
Morrissey - Famous Poet and Mong/Chump
“To be truly sensitive, one must look at the stars and see nothing but candles held by little invisible gods lighting the way for thyself.”
“Morrissey Sucks!...”
~ Unkown artist from Edmonton
Bjork - Shrill Vocal Punisher
“Sometimes i see my songs as little feet you know. They are walking away. They never stay the same.”
~ Bjork
“Bjork Sucks!...”
~ Unkown artist from Edmonton
Claude Monet - Some twat
“I grew a beard when i was 9. I didn't even want one but somehow it became me and eventually it began to paint.”
“Monet Sucks!...”
~ Unkown artist from Edmonton
[edit] A Conversation
Nearly all conversations between Artists go something like this.
Artist 1 "Hey, i have something really important i need to show you." Artist 2 "Okay, i'll be over in around 10 minutes. I need to weep to this Harp solo." Artist 1 "Cool, bring a scented candle" Artist 2 "I will"
2 Hours later
Artist 2 "Sorry im late i was busy being misinterpreted by common folk" Artist 1 "Not a problem, i feel ive made a major breakthrough in my work since i called you before" Artist 2 "You look different" Artist 1 "Thanks, ive excelled myself to untold levels" Artist 2 "Here's a scarf ive knitted you" Artist 1 "Have you ever read Master of the Nib, Servant of the Flow?" Artist 2 "Unfortunately not. Though, I do have a friend called Ethan Vapour, he paints in his sleep" Artist 1 "blah blah blah emotion" Artist 2 "blah blah blah blah blah unparalleled contours"
The End
[edit] Good and Bad Art
Some people say this is a subjective thing but it's well known that it's entirely objective. The idea that good art is 'down to personal opinion' was perpetuated by shit artists such as Beethoven and Steven Hawking. They simply refused to accept their work was sub-standard. They were fucking cowards. If i could get them, I would, believe me. Hawking in his stupid wheelchair. OOoohh he'd scream if i could just locate him.
Many brilliant people have described, extremely accurately, what good art is.
“Good art has lots of swirly lines and makes you cry.”
“Good art has a face, an attractive face. Like Diana Ross. It's all cute and has swirly lines. ”
~ Freddie Prinze Jr.
“I violently fuck good art.”
~ Cher
“Good art is swirly and turquoise.”
“The perspective of the piece was unique in my humble opinion. That is to say it was swirly.”
[edit] The Future Artist
In the future, art will evolve with unlimited velocity. Artists will eventually merge with computers and all art of the previous 2000 years will be discarded. Computers will subtly influence the creative juices of the artist and works will be created that can only be appreciated by microchips.
