Ash
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Ash is a very common volcanic eruption product that stars in the hit Reality Show Pokemon. The purported name "Ash Ketchum" comes from how volcanic ash buries just about ANYTHING.
Ash often dresses in his mom's clothes pretending to be a girl called Misty. Why do ya think Brock never fell for Misty? But how come we see Ash and Misty at the same time? That Ash is merely a robot controlled by Pikachu. When You don't see Misty, that's the real Ash.
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[edit] Pre-Pokemon Age
Before becoming an acclaimed actor in Pokemon, Ash did many great things. Very many.
When Ash was first given life by the cool Brotherhood (When he was baby-napped), he realized he would be different from all the other cool kids. Not only would he keep his geekism secret, a great feat as marked in "The Book of The Geeks", but he would make Japan what it is today. When the Lord Hobo handed Ash his token vest, jeans, and biking gloves ,he whispered in Ash's ear, "I kick the water after dark," and Ash understood it as what it meant, and then Ash headed out of the giant ricepaper fortress and across the Ug'Kache Gate into our realm.
He returned to Pallet town after 10 years of training to be the Pokemon Master and Number One Hobo, to start his quest.
[edit] Pokemon Age
Anyone past the age of two knows the story: after 10 seasons and 850 episodes, Pokemon still hasn't lost its steam for many reasons. The show took a new turn; Pikachu (Ash) was successfully kidnapped by Team Rocket, causing Ash to commit suicide. Details are below. The show still trickles on, however, somewhere in season 11, with Brock as the new lead.
Ash was accepted into the reality show, Pokemon, at the age of ten. Like any good cool kid, he stole a bike 17 minutes into the show from Misty, who was tacked into the show. They traveled together until meeting Brock, the only cool person on the show.
[edit] Role In Pokemon
Ash, being the main character, was the role model for millions of kids. He danced around the screen, controlled by Misty, and later Max, and later Dawn. He engaged in Pokemon Battles, winning even though he called the wrong moves while everyone groaned at his stupidity. But his Pikachu, struck by God's Lighting, is so powerful it wins anyways. Oh, and Ash is the death bringer to all bikes belonging to girls, which the victim bike's owner would stalk him until he pays back for the bike and will anal probe him in his sleep every night if he doesn't.
Ash is popular and is very much well liked. Well, not really...
[edit] Family
"I can't believe she killed me, man! Who'd have fuckin' thought that?!" Sceptile - "Hey, just cancel that shit right now! You're hurt. You're hurt real fuckin' bad, but you ain't dying *yet* im rapeing nu as i speak! i have aids!" ash" u mean im gunu get aids and die! *yes!!!!!! this life is crap i think ill take ove mistys body...*
Ash's family life was complicated and difficult. Raised by a single mother, Ash has never met his father. Many have speculated that Ash's father is the 70758467037732604760274044739026738946 year old Professor Oak, the Pokemon researcher living suspiciously close by. Other potential fathers include, Giovanni, Satan, Lee Kuan Yew, Mr. Mime, Mrs. Ketchum (which makes us wonder who the mother is) and everyone and anything else in the world of Pokemon. The high quantity of potential father's leads one to believe that Mrs. Ketchum spent 12 years as a trainer under the service of Professor Elm of New Bark Town who owned an escort service called the "Pokemon". Ash's mother has never asked much of him. All she ever wanted was for him to change his underpants, but I guess that was too much.
[edit] Relationships
While many think that Ash cares about Misty, he actually doesn't. Ash also thinks May is a pile of dung shaped into human form. However, he seems to have the hots for Dawn cause he thinks Dawn is actually a male crossdresser. Rumor has it that he slept with Brock from time-to-time. It is quite obvious that Ash loves Pikachu more than anything. If Pikachu was in danger, he'd do anything to save him, he'd even sacrifice his own friends to Zeus, which he did in episode 90072, "Dawn gets raped again because she is a slut Part Seven".
[edit] Pokémon
Ash very rarely catches Pokemon. When he does, he lets it go at one point or another. Thus, his party is always changing in number, although he never has more than 10 Pokemon at one time. This may be because he is a pedafile/Pokesexual and only wishes to have sex with Pokemon he has just caught. The one exception to this is Pikachu, who is seen in Ash's sleeping bag in every sleeping scene in the show.
[edit] As the Red Ranger
After a while, he wanted to fight crime, and joined the Power Rangers, where they put him as the leader, the Red Ranger. He also befriended Bob Saget, and both are called the 2-Man Bitch Team. When he had a time off and reunited with his friends an loved May, Boba Fett wanted to kill him once and for all, and was on a bounty with him, and Luke Skywalker. Both were saved by his friends, Marty McFly, and Indiana Jones.
[edit] Death
- Ash was killed in a recent Pokemon Diamond and Pearl episode. In the episode, a rabid Sceptile was determined to kill Pikachu, who was separated from Ash in an earlier event in the episode. At the climax, Sceptile is about to deliver a fatal blow to Pikachu when Ash jumps in front of Pikachu and has Sceptile's claw go through his heart. Ash, in his dying seconds manages to force a smile and a single tear drops and Ash falls dead. The Sceptile is then killed by Pikachu afterwards. An emo funeral is attended by all of Ash's friends over the years.. Even Team Rocket. And the Undertaker who revived Ash and faced him in a Hell-pillow-fight-in-a-cell casket match, put him in a casket, and bury him alive. While underground, ash was eaten by a Dicklett, and to this day, Ash was nowhere to be found.Except he'll probably come back since the elite four keeps coming back.How he will involves the digestive track. However, some hermits in the mountains have said they saw Ash running about naked with a tribe of Monkey People. Brock has no desire to find him, since he has inherited all twenty dollars in Ash's Barney lunchbox.
UR MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn ur mom is here. go away ash!
[edit] See Also
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| Pokémon: | Electrode - Grue - Hyundai - Jigglypuff - Ling-Ling - Meowth - Mewtwo - Mudkip - Pichu - Pikachu - Prophet polywag - Teh Cheat - Towelie - Whangdoodle - Wobbuffet - Togepi - Pikachu (Ash) - Piplup - Manaphy - Torchic - Mew - Yoshi |
| People: | Ash - Ash Rectum - Team Rocket - Misty - Brock - Professor Oak - Nurse Joy - May (Pokemon) - Max (Pokemon) - Officer Jenny - Pokemon Kid - Eric Dickerson - Dawn |
| Other: | Pikachu seizure - Pikachusetts - Pokémon Battles - Pokémon (The Funny Version) - Windows FireRed/LeafGreen - Anime series - PokeBitches - 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins - Pokemon (Show) - List of Pokémon - UnNews - Christian Symbology - FCC censorship |
