Assemblage 23
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Assemblage 23 was formed sometime during the Civil War, after lead harpsichord player Tom Shear experienced a group of travelling hardcore industrial band (that has since remained nameless) recite popular country song "Stand By Your Man".
Tom Shear is so... Perfect. Absolutely flawless. That's why most of his songs focus on blaming others, not himself. Maybe he has a guilty conscience. Maybe he's in denial. Only the dissection of his electronic synth-pilgrimage will tell.
Lets do it donkey style!
Contents |
[edit] The Beginning
Like most teenager boys, Shear spent a lot of time in his bedroom. Unlike most boys though he wasn't fapping his teenage years away. No, somehow he managed to find time to fap his years away and write classical pieces that would be stolen by time-lord and unusually nice guy Doctor Who and taken back in time to be used by former member of The Doors and well known prostitute, Handel George Frederic.
The joke was on on DW and HGF though. Shears early work proved to be terrible and so niether of them found much success. This work was instead released by Shears under the moniker of 'One Man And His Dog'. So called because Shear had smoke heavily since 7 years of age and couldn't actually speak. Instead he decided to let his dog, Daisy C, take lead vocals whilst he took a back seat and just played with all the knobs and switches on his Waldorf Microwave XtK Synthesizer.
[edit] The Next Bit
After a quasi-fatal operation upon his voice pipe Shear went Bald and as a result he fired Daisy C for mocking his shiny head. Shear was distraught and turned to beard cultivation. Many years of this proved thereputic and as a result he grew his own beard in juxtaposition with his eyebrows to pay homage to this new found technique of relaxation therapy which he entitled 'Healing through the inner beard'.
After the departure of lead vocalist and long time friend, Daisy C, Shear had no other option than to take up the microphone himself because he had no other friends. He single handedly formed the oxymoronically named 'Assemblage 23' (Pronounced: Assemblage Twenty Three) which can also be abbreviated to 'A23' or 'ATT'. Not to be confused with one of the UK's most busiest roads, running from Brighton to London and back or The Association of Taxation Technicians.
[edit] The Bit After That
It took aeons for A23 to finally score a record deal. Many dragons were slain, fridge magnets were invented and Wigfield had anumber one hit with 'Saturday Night' which featured a sample from one of One Man And His Dog's songs. Shear lost all will to live as he was running low on proteins and microfibrous clothing, lost his beard through a combination of the news of Wigfield and stress, and grew it back in various styles and shades of aryan blond.
The year nineteen hundred and ninety-nine saw A23 registered up to Canadian label 'Sweaty Gash' and the release of his first proper album since Daisy C was lost to the waves of time - Contempt.
The next album to be released was 'Failure' in the year of the scaly, legless, sometimes venomous reptiles with tongue of fork. Singles were released form it that no one really heard other than the cyber-goths in Germany and his new pet gecko, 'Gex' which resided in a home forged from the toughest industrial metal - Voivoid.
[edit] Angry Tom. ARRGH!
After a fall-out with the leaders of the Sweaty Gash tribe, Tom betrayed Canada and sided with the US by joining the Neopolitan label of recording and ice cream. Neopolitan capitolised off of his previous success by copying Sweaty Gash and making albums that went by the same names as Shears last two albums. Only this time they put the same songs on the albums.
By this point A-sexual 23 had become quite popular amongst all the young dudes of the 'Electronic Body Music' cult and decided to rip them off in a similar fashion to the record companies. A23 remixed some of their songs and claimed it as an entirely new album called 'Add and den dun'. This was a stupid move by Shear as he could have actually made some friends.
[edit] A Bit more
Tom released a few more albums, that were okay in standard. People danced to them and were happy for the time being. Tom felt a sense of emptyness though after releasing his latest album - Eye of the Tiger. He has since decided to give up his boycott on peanut butter and is now happy as larry.
[edit] Live
Live Tom is known to split into three separate personas. This is accomplished by baking under the warmth of the stage lights until a light sweat occurs. At this point Tom falls to the ground as his skin begins to bubble and effervesce. Shears alter-egos Paul Seegers and Kevin Choby jump from his back and prior to taking up their places behind a set of modern day harpsicords and high-tech drumming equipments they get dressed.
Whilst Tom is a master of his art, he is slightly lacking in the musicial talent section. Playing multiple instruments at the same time is not his forté which is why he undergoes this transformation night after night. True dedication to the cause Tom.
Well done, matey.
